Unironically, what about Blizz?

My brain feels Expandard

ahh so that's why charizard is so hot

So a lizard must be an excess of Liz?

Where's the custard?

Jean-Luc Pic

I love etymology

It's not "too" something; it's just being strong (hardy) or remarkable in that trait. A lot of sources list it as derogatory, but it isn't so in all instances of use.

A wizard is not too wise, but very wise. Renard or Reinhardt is someone who gives good advice or makes good decisions.

The "must" in mustard is juice and pulp which you intend to ferment, because grape must was an ingredient. There's a lot of debate over whether the "ard" is the one in this post or ardens (burning).

Today I learned I might be too ret.

They bring up wizard... But what about bards?

See also: haggard, laggard, braggart (this one changed to a ‘t’ for some reason), dastard, dullard, and a few others. It’s uncommon but it’s out there!

So, calling someone a bast-ard, implies that their mother slept around on many beds that weren't the marriage bed. Does that mean it all comes back to calling your mother a whore?

Hazard is apparently too much danger

Also

• dull
• boll
• mall
• stand

Un animal de bât is indeed a pack saddle animal, and bâtard is indeed a bastard so that's pretty cool. Never realised the connection! -ard in French is also often a negative suffix, like connard which would be a... "cuntard" if you will.
-asse is the feminine variant, although there are inconsistencies, such as pétard / pétasse which are probably related but one is a firecracker, while the other is a tart (the lady kind)

Rude language is always so much fun!

This is largely true. English takes '-ard' from Old French. MW defines it as:

one that is characterized by performing some action, possessing some quality, or being associated with some thing especially conspicuously or excessively

The main point is that it's generally just a pejorative suffix.

Citing the Trésor de la langue française informatisé, however, Wiktionary puts forward a surprisingly cogent counterargument and alternative etymology to the "packsaddle" one for "bastard".

The -ard is basically "fucking" + nominaliser (if necessary):

• wizard - fucking wise one
• drunkard - fucking drunk one
• coward - fucking tail (the initial part is from Old French "coue" tail, itself from Latin "cauda" tail. Who shows the back in a fight? Someone running away!)

The "nominaliser" part is an artefact of the borrowing, the suffix is from French. Romance languages often use adjectives as if they were nouns, but that doesn't quite roll in English. In turn French borrowed it from Frankish, it's apparently cognate of English "hard".

The etymology of "mustard" is disputed. The first part is likely from Latin "mustum" must; it used to be prepared with young wine. The -ard is typically explained as ardens (fiery, hot). So basically "mustum ardens" hot must. ...Capsicum peppers are from the Americas, black pepper and long pepper were expensive, European mediaevalards didn't really have a lot of spicy flavours to work with, so... I guess mustard was spicy for them?

So Richard is too rich? Is that why he's a Dick?

What about standard

I’ve heard that the term “son of a gun” has a similar origin.

See, when a sailing vessel would visit port all the whores would row out to meet it. They’d be hauled into the gun ports and… ply their wares.

Since they didn’t know who in the gun crew was the father, their boys were “sons of a gun”

What about retard? SCNR

So when people call me a retard they're saying I'm overly moist?

“-ard” would mean not so much “excessively” as “by their/its nature”; i.e. a seed/condiment whose very nature is mustiness, a person conceived out of wedlock (which was considered a black mark on one’s character back then), one who is habitually drunk, and so on

HarvARD