Today I learned I might be too ret.

So what is a guard?

ahh so that's why charizard is so hot

See also: haggard, laggard, braggart (this one changed to a ‘t’ for some reason), dastard, dullard, and a few others. It’s uncommon but it’s out there!

I love etymology

What about standard

“-ard” would mean not so much “excessively” as “by their/its nature”; i.e. a seed/condiment whose very nature is mustiness, a person conceived out of wedlock (which was considered a black mark on one’s character back then), one who is habitually drunk, and so on

goonard? looksarding?

It's not "too" something; it's just being strong (hardy) or remarkable in that trait. A lot of sources list it as derogatory, but it isn't so in all instances of use.

A wizard is not too wise, but very wise. Renard or Reinhardt is someone who gives good advice or makes good decisions.

The "must" in mustard is juice and pulp which you intend to ferment, because grape must was an ingredient. There's a lot of debate over whether the "ard" is the one in this post or ardens (burning).

Mallard ducks would be very confused about this post.

So a lizard must be an excess of Liz?

So when people call me a retard they're saying I'm overly moist?

"What are we going to call this fish? It's got... so much pilch... maybe a bit too much if I'm honest"

This reminds me of a card-based cooking game, Cookard... which does, in fact, contain an overabundance of cooking.

My brain feels Expandard

The -ard is basically "fucking" + nominaliser (if necessary):

• wizard - fucking wise one
• drunkard - fucking drunk one
• coward - fucking tail (the initial part is from Old French "coue" tail, itself from Latin "cauda" tail. Who shows the back in a fight? Someone running away!)

The "nominaliser" part is an artefact of the borrowing, the suffix is from French. Romance languages often use adjectives as if they were nouns, but that doesn't quite roll in English. In turn French borrowed it from Frankish, it's apparently cognate of English "hard".

The etymology of "mustard" is disputed. The first part is likely from Latin "mustum" must; it used to be prepared with young wine. The -ard is typically explained as ardens (fiery, hot). So basically "mustum ardens" hot must. ...Capsicum peppers are from the Americas, black pepper and long pepper were expensive, European mediaevalards didn't really have a lot of spicy flavours to work with, so... I guess mustard was spicy for them?

I love learning new stuff through memes.

Where's the custard?

This is largely true. English takes '-ard' from Old French. MW defines it as:

one that is characterized by performing some action, possessing some quality, or being associated with some thing especially conspicuously or excessively

The main point is that it's generally just a pejorative suffix.

Citing the Trésor de la langue française informatisé, however, Wiktionary puts forward a surprisingly cogent counterargument and alternative etymology to the "packsaddle" one for "bastard".

So, calling someone a bast-ard, implies that their mother slept around on many beds that weren't the marriage bed. Does that mean it all comes back to calling your mother a whore?