Ask Lemmy

I dragged my introverted ass to 10 houses on my street in an attempt to find a shred of US political solidarity in a red state. I got 7 no answer, left 1 Ring Camera message, 1 polite declination, and 1 prison guard who "doesn't really watch the news". I felt awkward as hell but I remain excited about talking to enough people to find 1 or 2 who are like "You think this is all insanity too?!" This isn't the "topic" OP solicited but as an introvert it feels valuable to share here that I felt good after forcing myself to break that ice.

I am easily spun up talking about myself. Getting me talking isn't too hard, but I start to feel introvert exhaustion once I think maybe I'm talking too much or I find reason to doubt the person wants to talk any further.

Movies/shows have been good topics for me. Enough people have seen Spaceballs, Interstellar, The Pitt, Marvel that people's inner nerd pops out like a Jack in the Box when their fandom comes up. A coworker and I once had nothing in common, but I brought up Mystery Science Theater 3000 offhand and she cut me off to shout "I LOVE EMMESSTEE THREE KAY!!"

Soulslikes.

In this post: dozens of people not understanding the assignment and discussing ways they get out of talking to others.

People, this is why you're depressed and anxious all the time. This isn't identity and character, this is avoidant behavior. Challenge yourself, be that person in your imagination who does the approaching and striking up conversation, what do you have to lose?

edit: stop replying if you're happy being asocial, I don't care.

I want to know about music that gives you the chills, and why you think it has that effect on you.

I want to talk to him about that briefcase full of cash that he brings me.

Olive oil.

I just read Extra Virginity and it turns out there is a whole world of food oil counterfeiting and I really need help stopping it, because suddenly this is the topic I am 3rd most passionate about.

My most recent meaningful conversations at the bus stop in the past year were:

• Maslow's hierarchy of needs with a middle aged gentlemen who struck up a conversation having seen my work badge
• a guy who'd had his phone stolen reflecting on the ways it had allowed him to be more mindful of his own thoughts and disengage from toxic people
• a homeless woman who lived at the bus stop for a while with her husband discussing her personal safety as a homeless woman (her husband needed to go do something that wouldn't take long, and he had waited for me to come out and wait for the bus to go do it, and came back before the bus arrived).

And I made friends with the homeless guys outside my last apartment by stopping to pet their dog (and later stealing wound care supplies from work for it).

I find other people interesting for the most part, and have a large enough breadth of knowledge to at least ask interesting questions about most things. Tradespeople in particular know some fascinating things

I once asked a man in a work vest who was marking the road what the colors were for and he said the different colors were different utility lines (water, power, etc). My follow-up question was how he knew where they were and it turned out the pole with the paint sprayer also had a special metal detector that could pick up on each line's unique type of tag.

And the guy who fixed my dryer had an utterly wild list of things that he's pulled out of vents and explained that the little vent covers on the outside of the building were specifically designed to safely prevent endangered birds from nesting in them since they like the warmth but can get injured or damage the vent in doing so.

I generally find that tradespeople like being asked questions about what they do. I don't think a lot of people ask. And if they don't I apologize and keep it moving.

Constructed languages. It’s a profoundly lonely hobby. I would love to randomly meet another conlanger IRL

the weather/state of the roads. please make this easy for me, I am scared of you.

Recently went to a company wide meeting, so I had to speak to loads of strangers. Usually I tell them about Linux and they leave me alone.

Do you fuck on the first date?

Water on Mars

I'd like to talk about the awesome employment opportunity they have for me that pays decently, has good benefits, and is doing something beneficial for the world, hopefully nonprofit.

If that's not an option, I guess cats.

Depending on whether they are allowed to leave.

Travel. Where are you going next, what's your favourite country, all that. Met someone yesterday who's going to Vegas, and has booked a helicopter trip to the Grand Canyon and tickets to a Barry Manilow show. She hasn't been there since the 80s and is pretty excited. She and her husband usually holiday in Turkey.

The British have this down to a science;

1. Start with pleasantries "you good?" Essential, always say "I'm good" if asked this or similar regardless of your mood, use tone to convey the actuality if you wanna be unguarded
2. Talk about the weather
3. End with the pleasantries, something that implies you will see em again, even if you know you won't

food! food is such a great communicator of who you are and what you've experienced

Lizards. Alternatively, fish and other sea creatures, hypothetical space megastructures, or nuclear rocketry.

Anything really as long as it's an actual back and forth conversation and not an expectation that I carry the conversation on my back.

40k.

i'm surprised there's no linux in the comments

Self-hosting, Linux, video games, building guitar pedals, what books people are reading, AI philosophy, digital privacy and advocacy, songwriting, how meshtastic works, how to set up Openwrt router and if they want to use an antenna with me, and OS hardening.

I'm 45 / F and recently moved to a small town in the Southern US. No tech folks here.

I'm definitely an introvert, but you could get me to talk for ages about my personal hobbies and interests.

Just ask me about space or rockets or airplanes or building trebuchets.

I like talking to people, I'm a social weirdo. But if you talk about french poetry rules or cats, I'm unstoppable. It's easier to have a conversation about cats.

Linux for sure. There isn't much else I could talk about for a while.

Places. Where people grew up, where they have traveled, where they have lived. Maybe even where they would want to go. This leads to other topics and lets you talk about something not too personal to start.

Video games

I am an introvert and generally don't go out of my way to interact with strangers, but when strangers have initiated conversation it is mostly like conversations with friends and families. Talking about something that is going on at the time, or some interest they have and want to share.

Talked about cars and kids with a random woman while in line at the auto parts place. Since I don't use public transportation at home because it isn't feasible (limited routes nowhere near my home) I am only on public transportation when I travel a couple times a year where I both tend to wish we had something similar at home and also glad I don't have to be around so many crowds at home. If someone starts a conversation there I tend to roll with it and participate because I know it is limited and won't ever see them again.

Really I enjoy talking with someone who is very interested in what they are talking about, except for sports.

I can't do small talk or general chat, but I can do meta. I can talk about how awkward it is to talk to strangers, for example. That feels like information exchange, as opposed to a complex two-person dance where I don't have rhythm or sufficiently-malleable limbs, which is what small talk feels like to me. The goal of small talk seems to be the process itself. If we're instead 'educating' each other about something, and that information is the ultimate goal, I'm much more comfortable.