this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] underscores@lemmy.zip 125 points 1 week ago (10 children)

4chan loves stories where women are cheaters or vile, I'm gonna say I doubt this happened

[–] Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 4 days ago

nothing ever happens

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wait, what? People would just make up stories on the internet?

[–] crazycraw@crazypeople.online 8 points 1 week ago

hey slow down there partner; you can't just go typing out questions like that out here.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Believe it or not, 100% of cheaters who birthed a child were women.

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[–] brown567@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I concur and posit that anon is a homosexual

yhea, maybe it's the dad that cheated and is upset he was found out by the DNA test

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Sometimes the 4chan kids can come up with some genuinely funny bits. Shame they couldn't turn a legit setup into something better than "Dad An Hero".

[–] birdwing@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Where'd the "an hero" for

Tap for spoilersuicide

even come from?

[–] Silic0n_Alph4@lemmy.world 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/an-hero

He was such an hero, to take it all away. We miss him so, That you should know, And we honor him this day. He was an hero, to take that shot, to leave us all behind.

It was 2006: typos made by grieving people had a chance to become memes.

[–] Actual_Idiot@midwest.social 4 points 1 week ago (3 children)

isn't "an hero" technically correct? It sounds weird, but it is not grammatically wrong.

[–] ikka@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

What do you mean "not grammatically wrong" ?

"An" is used before words that start with a vowel sound.

An orange. A cop. An easter egg. A yeast overgrowth. An hour. A hero. etc.

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Ok thank God, I thought I was going crazy for a second. This is the rule I follow and I had a moment where I thought maybe I'd been wrong my entire life. Should be more confident.

[–] gnu@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 week ago

Depends whether you pronounce the H or not. If the way you say it doesn't differentiate between hero and 'ero then you could use 'an' but it'll appear wrong to others who do pronounce a difference between the two.

[–] Pandantic@midwest.social 3 points 1 week ago

Not unless you’re Dick Van Dyke doing cockney, it’s not.

[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 week ago

They love those stories but it unfortunately happens a lot too

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[–] BoobaAwooga@lemmynsfw.com 110 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Story probably fake, but this would be one of those moment where you keep that info to yourself or go to the mom. And for all intents and purposes he is still his father just not bio but who cares, it’s the one that raised you that matters

[–] OpenPassageways@lemmy.zip 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I guess the point is that it matters to the father since he hasn't had a biological son and is likely too old to do so now, even if it doesn't matter to anon.

[–] Taldan@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Which is fucked up. Being the sperm donor isn't what makes you a father. Spending time with your kid, teaching them how to be a functional human in the modern world over decades is what makes you a father

Then again, with how much of the older generation men are, he may have acted like his role was finished after conception and the next two decades are the sole responsibility of the mother

[–] lka1988@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Being the sperm donor isn’t what makes you a father. Spending time with your kid, teaching them how to be a functional human in the modern world over decades is what makes you a father

As a stepdad myself, I can personally attest to that fact. I met my boys when they were little, at only 4 years old and 5 months old. For all intents and purposes, they are my boys.

Their own bio dad is hardly present and only does the bare minimum when it's his parenting time. It's hard. Bio dad got remarried (briefly), but my wife and I ended up having to break the news to the boys that their new stepmom and stepbrothers were going away (because bio dad is a piece of shit and screamed at his new wife over the fact that there were mushrooms in his food). I watched my son's heart get ripped in half; all I could do was hold him as he sobbed into my arms.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

But, also, it could mean that the mom knew, and lied to son and dad, for son's whole life, and most of mom and dad's relationship.

If you know you're a stepdad, that's entirely different than not knowing you are actually a step dad.

Of course, this particular case doesn't have much details, so this is a basically a hypothetical... but tons of guys feel betrayed when they learn their wife/gf has been lying to them, had been cheating on them, etc.

Sure, it could be that this older guy was going off of 'I have failed to reproduce my genetic line' logic, but I'd bet the actual emotions he felt were massive betrayal from the mom, like she'd been tricking him for half his life, probably felt like he betrayed and failed his son by not being honest with his son, despite that not being his fault.

Of course, offing yourself does not make you a better father, but uh, exceptionally emotionally devastated people do sometimes make rash, permanent, illogical decisions.

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[–] hakase@lemmy.zip 14 points 1 week ago

Yeah - the father has already been taken advantage of and lied to once, so it's probably best to just double down and do it again. It's not like it matters whether he would want to know or anything.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

this would be one of those moment where you keep that info to yourself

Okay, but then you wouldn't get updoots on the intertube.

[–] ICCrawler@lemmy.world 71 points 1 week ago (1 children)

In the words of 4chan "fake and gay"

gay: anon had a (presumably) loving relationship with a man who was not his dad

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 52 points 1 week ago (5 children)

I have a half-sibling who took one of those tests not knowing his parents went to a sperm bank due to fertility issues, so he assumed his mom had an affair (and he's not the youngest child). The rest of us all knew I think (except the sperm donor's actual child). Fortunately, he had another one of my half-siblings reach out to him to explain it.

Also "Turned out my father isn't my real dad" is BS. Genetic test results are useless for determining such.

[–] cameron_@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Genetic tests can be used to determine paternity though?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DNA_paternity_testing

Maybe you are referring to a specific type of test?

[–] zout@fedia.io 36 points 1 week ago (10 children)

He's referring to the fact that paternity doesn't make you a dad.

[–] DeathsEmbrace@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

You can preach this too.

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[–] fushuan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Who is your father, the one you would rely on when you need a paternal figure, the dude who shoot his sperm or the dude who raised you? Hopefully both dudes are the same person but in the case they aren't, I think the answer is clear.

I'd be surprised if adopted kids don't consider the people who raised them as parents as their actual parents.

[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I mean first one might just be a father figure, second is the biological father and the third might be a step-father. All fathers of sort

[–] fushuan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

You would be technically correct with the first two even though I was talking in social terms,not technical ones, but adopted kids are not step-kids. Those aren't are legally full parents, not step-parents. Step-parents might be the boyfriend or next husband of a single mother or vice-versa, but once you are adopted, if we are getting pedantic about it, the step thing disappears.

[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 week ago

Oh okay, i just thought it came from not being the biological father

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[–] SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Also "Turned out my father isn't my real dad" is BS. Genetic test results are useless for determining such.

Wait, what now? The AncestryDNA test isn't WGS, but it analyzes 700K loci. One can infer relatedness with an insanely high degree of accuracy with that number. For reference, the standard US paternity test uses 20 loci and it's more than 99% accurate.

Or do you mean one needn't be a biological parent to be a real father to a child? I agree with that 100%.

Or do you mean one needn’t be a biological parent to be a real father to a child?

Correct!

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[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 33 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Ancestrydna isn't a paternity test

[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago

If the bio dad also did the test then Ancestry will match it with this kid. And even if the bio dad isn’t on there if you find out via the tests that you have close relatives like first cousins, uncles, aunts that you never knew you had, you can put two and two together and come to the same conclusion.

[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

AncestryDNA would absolutely give conclusive proof of either close blood relationship or lack thereof. In practice, it's just as good as a paternity test.

The only caveats I can think of are:

  • Both parent and (potential) child would have to get the test.
  • I guess if AncestryDNA just completely messed up and represented some random other person's DNA as the parent's or child's, that would give false negatives.
  • Chimerism.
  • AncestryDNA might not be admissable in court.

And of those, the first three are just as applicable to paternity tests as they are to AncestryDNA.

[–] Denjin@feddit.uk 5 points 1 week ago

I actually missed the part where anon said they got the test for them and their parents.

[–] x666m@lemmy.zip 11 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] sexy_peach@feddit.org 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I doubt this even happened. A dad that raised this kid would most likely not off himself because the mother lied, this seems like I might be the dark fantasy of a typical 4channer

[–] Rolder@reddthat.com 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And if I ever learned something like that I’d take that shit to my grave.

Of course I’ve also learned I have a sister no one knew about because my dad was swinger in college so

[–] sexy_peach@feddit.org 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And if I ever learned something like that I’d take that shit to my grave.

Like I don't think you have to. Valid reason to leave the wife or whatever. But even then this father still has a kid, biological or not. I believe most would not change their relationship to the kid.

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[–] RaivoKulli@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 week ago

I mean he had been cuckolded to raise another man's child, and that being his only child too, even a fairly open minded person would struggle with such a revelation

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