Greentext

On a serious note, having been that guy, this is the worst experience ever.

15 years of slowly being convinced being who I was, was wrong. 15 years of being told she was normal, what I wanted wasn't. 15 years of isolation. 15 years brainwashing. 15 years of ever building self doubt.

Then she cheated on me.

Somehow I haven't been in grippy socks yet. Pretty fucking close though with the outpatient stuff I do. Been on one date with someone else.

Edit: A greentext post of all places to get this wonderful support. 🥲

Children need a parent, and some adults never pass that stage.

Fake: anon has girlfriend

Gay: motivated by sticks

Woof....

That's rough

Not swearing is a big fuckin ask.

That's not a girlfriend it's a second mother.

Meanwhile, my wife enables my executive dysfunction, saying things like "oh, just do it tomorrow." I have to explain to her, if I don't do it now, it won't get done for a month. Saying it out loud like that seems to give me the motivation to do it now.

There's certain common patterns this dynamic seems to take:

• They end up in that type of traditional marriage for fifty years where the wife controls absolutely everything and the man throws around jokes about ball and chain. This ends when either one dies; if the man dies first, the wife will live happily for another ten years, but if the wife dies first, the man follows soon
• The man loses all sights of himself and becomes a passive and meek "yes, dear" -man, and then the girlfriend (or wife if they managed to get married) eventually gets bored since the project car isn't fun anymore, and cheats or just straight up leaves him. This pattern might also involve straight up domestic violence where the man is too embarrassed and scared to seek help
• The girlfriend (or wife again) gets tired of taking care of a manchild instead of having an equal partner, and leaves. This happens especially if they have children and the wife realizes it's actually easier to take care of the children alone. Often the man also ends up whining about how he doesn't understand what he did wrong, and thought everything was going so well

god yea i love manipulation and emotional abuse

Having a partner in life makes a huge difference to motivation. I dont really agree with this idea of them leveraging things to force you to act that sounds like a living hell. These things should come naturally as you desire being the best version of yourself for your partner.

Don't look for the easy way out of your own maturity. Nobody can tell you who you are better than you. Look for someone who wants to build you up, not control you.

As long as they're consenting adults I guess

"I can fix him"

fixes him

What does "sit like a man" mean ?

Don't cross your legs ? 😅

Yeah, no. That is not what I signed up for.

We do lift each other up, it's not a one way thing. Can advise, and do, and he does with me too. So sure, I am willing to make suggestions and he always wants me to do stuff like style his wardrobe, do all the interior design, etc., yeah I'm down, my eye is better. He plans all the trips, his mom was a travel agent.

But would not dream of using sex as a lever, because I want sex for sex.

And I sure as fuck don't want another kid, I want a partner.

Sounds awful. Fuck all of that.

That's just a sub.

Hey, if two (or more) people are making each other happy and doing well, right on. Yea that "traditional " style of relationship isnt for me. Especially the idea of withholding conversation or sex as punishment. Well, if it was kink minded then maybe, but I digress.

Anywhoots, being in a happy stable relationship certainly helped me get some of my act together. Hopefully i wont fully come apart the seams right now.

"I only care about myself when someone else cares about me" is not particularly healthy.

That's half of codependence?

Yeesh. What's the girlfriend getting out of all of this? Seems like a lot of work to run someone else's life in addition to your own.

I agree that if your partner really wants to build you up, that it can help getting honest feedback from your significant other; i have changed a lot of things to make living together work better. But the way anon describes it sounds insufferable and more like he likes being dominated; also, it can put you under constant stress if the demands are unreasonable or don't respect your needs.

Weird. I had the opposite experience.

Used to have gfs. They constantly nagged me to don't work out, to not get a better job, to drink, to smoke, and party. oh and don't have friends they don't like and don't do anything that doesn't involve them. i was always trying to get us to get better jobs, take classes, try new things, try new places, etc. They would have NONE of it. Having goals and wanting to do stuff in life made me some sort of huge asshole to them.

I've been single 6 years and my salary has gone up 250%. in the decade I was dating women... it went up like 10%. and i am fitter, stronger, have lots of cool hobbies and i volunteer a lot. I also have pets and own a home. Only thing I don't have in life that I want is a wife/child.

And when I try to date... i just meet women who think all that shit is gross. I already went on three dates this month and got told by each woman that I was 'too put together and active and serious about life'. they just want someone to get drunk with on the weekends. I don't. I can't seem to find any women to date who actually want to be an active participant in their own life.

The guy just discovered female led relationship. If he likes it, it is like a heaven.

Fuck, I love being single and living by myself.

I don't need someone telling me not to be a slob to get things done, but having someone around all the time makes me more aware of my better behaviours and function better.

Something similar kinda happened to me. I was socially inactive. She was very social and regularly meeting up with friends and brought me along with her. I get on with her friends very well actually. She also encouraged me to arrange time so she can meet my friends, too. She really turned my life around. Then she was forced to leave the country because she couldn't get a visa to stay, as the visa rules were tightened - despite her having a job and a master's degree.

Anon learns the joys of being a pet

Are those divorce bells I'm hearing?

it's actually a lot easier to find a partner who guides you on the right path of life through love and support instead of just being abusive

This happened to me too, not because she was nagging and shit like that, but because I started to feel good about myself, like myself even and became more confident and so I started to take care of myself.