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"Lairmore had testified that the sandwich “exploded all over” his chest and claimed he could smell mustard and onions. But a photo showed that the sandwich was still in its wrapper on the ground after it hit Lairmore in his bulletproof vest."
this post was submitted on 06 Nov 2025
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But no perjury charges, because fuck you, that’s why.
Indeed, just to prove the point they should be pressing for perjury charges.
Imagine catching a perjury conviction over a sandwich.
It's not smart to lie and over exaggerate in court.
Did he swear to tell the truth? If so, book him
Jurors showed no appetite for the Justice Department's case against "sandwich guy," the D.C. resident who chucked a Subway sandwich at the chest of a federal officer, finding him not guilty Thursday after several hours of deliberations.
The jury — which feasted on sandwiches for lunch Thursday, according to a person familiar with jury lunches — deliberated the charges for several hours Wednesday and Thursday before delivering the verdict.
Someone is feeling cute. And rightful so. When you lie about a sandwich exploding on you, and it can still be seen in the package after... Not to mention trying to take a hamfisted hogie slap to federal court, you deserve the pickling.
Lmfao incredible. Also, absolutely the correct outcome.
In closing arguments, defense attorney Sabrina Shroff argued that a sandwich could not and did not cause harm. “This case, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is about a sandwich,” she said
I liked the bit where the cop claimed the "attack" left an onion string on his uniform.
This should result in a Brady-Giglio impairment. When cops exhibit behavior (such as demonstrable lies), this conduct is supposed to be reported to the prosecutor's office. If it happens in open court, this should be a guarantee. They maintain files on cops who are Brady-Giglio impaired, and can use the information to impeach their testimony or conduct in court proceedings. In most rational departments, once a cop has this mark against him, he is essentially useless as a cop since he really can't testify to anything in court, making whatever work he did for a case irrelevant to the prosecution.
That's how it's supposed to work. But (gestures broadly at everything), here we find ourselves.
I honestly don't care what happens to this cop, but I hope this forever cements to people that cops don't get the facts and details right, even in the most inconsequential of cases.
I hope it wakes people up to the fact that cops are lying shit bags who can and do lie about everything, any chance they get, even when it's incredibly obvious to literally everyone that they're lying.
They do it because they normally get away with it. And countless people have had their lives ruined by this behavior.
DOJ will be classifying sandwiches as WMDs within a few days.
Or Mustard gas is redefined