this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com 73 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Shitting while pissing is ok, as long as you're sitting pissing

[–] javiwhite@feddit.uk 37 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I imagine it would take a great deal of both mental and physical fortitude in order to curl one out whilst standing tall.

[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] javiwhite@feddit.uk 4 points 1 year ago

I would argue that it becomes less of a curl, and more of a spew at that point.

[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Remember some people need fortitude to shit, some need fortitude not to.

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[–] dgbbad@lemmy.zip 40 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] not_IO@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 year ago

pissing while pissing

[–] Zamboni_Driver@lemmy.ca 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I love that someone took time out of their day to carefully plan and prepare this chart.

[–] Fluffy_Ruffs@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago (2 children)

According to this, always be shitting and you'll never have a bad time.

[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (9 children)

A-B-S. A-always, B-be, S-shitting. Always be shitting! Always be shitting!! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention -- do I have your attention? Interest -- are you interested? I know you are because it's shit or walk. You shit or you hit the bricks! Decision -- have you made your decision for Christ?!! And action. A-I-D-A; get out there!! You got the turtlehead comin' out; you think they came out to take a look around? Guy doesn't sit on the toilet unless he wants to shit. Sitting there waiting to deliver the goods! Are you gonna take it? Are you man enough to take it? (to Moss) What's the problem pal?

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Unless you do it while farting😧

[–] OldManBOMBIN@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago

This chick loooves pissing

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The real terror begins when vomiting enters the chat.

[–] NikkiDimes@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I was sick when I was like 9 while sitting on the toilet. The sink was too far away, there was no trash can in sight, and the toilet was in use by my ass. I threw up half digested Chef Boyardee ravioli on the floor. Mfw -> :(

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[–] BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

You rip the bag out of the trashcan and youre good to go. Been there many times.

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 18 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Now add rows and columns for:

  • cumming
  • vomiting
  • bleeding
  • menstruating
  • dying
[–] ThunderComplex@lemmy.today 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

No, add these as new dimensions and make it a matrix so we can have pissing while shitting while cumming while dying

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 11 months ago

The hypercube of gross.

[–] Chiarottide@lemmy.world 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

And sneezing. Have you ever sneeze-sharted? Worst feeling ever

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[–] Ek-Hou-Van-Braai@piefed.social 15 points 1 year ago

Quality shitpost

[–] pipe01@programming.dev 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Farting while pissing is cool though

[–] IAmNorRealTakeYourMeds@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago (3 children)

you can see the autistic vibrations in the pee stream

[–] RagnarokOnline@programming.dev 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Duranie@leminal.space 5 points 1 year ago

Scrolling during an in person meeting. My God this one tested me 🤣.

[–] Oaksey@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I once did a piss, fart and sneeze at the same time. Got sort of like a really pleasant shiver.

Your body took a screenshot

[–] acockworkorange@mander.xyz 11 points 11 months ago (3 children)

Farting while pissing is awesome.

[–] LaserTurboShark69@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago

Brother you've got my upvote

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[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Why is pissing while pissing more happy than shitting while shitting or farting while farting.

Wait... I get it now.

[–] Pacattack57@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] SPRUNT@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

If your intent in the bathroom is the left label, the face is the one you make when the top label happens.

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[–] TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh... Don't worry about it. Its just me taking the piss.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Just make sure to put it back when you're done

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sitting to pee instantly solves half of these

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This chart is for sitting to pee.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Then I don't see the problem in shitting during peeing.

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 4 points 11 months ago (1 children)

The problem is your bathroom timeline just changed. That's a face of consternation because a 1 minute excursion has turned into at least 5 minutes.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Oh, I see. I read my saved articles in the bathroom so it takes me around 184 minutes regardless of what my initial purpose was anyway.

[–] rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 8 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

My version of this would have the smiley face in every square.

It's good to be alive!

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[–] SassyRamen@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wait until you get food poisoning 🫠 hopefully you have a tub beside your toilet.

[–] D_C@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Oh man, I used to get gastroenteritis every few weeks before I found out what was causing it.
Gastro was horrible. When the astonishingly painful cramps hit you you didn't know which way the 'projectiles' were evacuating from until the very last second.

Unfortunately the toilet in my house at that time was in a separate room as the sink and bath. Which meant if I needed to throw up I'd either have to do it in the horrible diarrhea covered toilet or just throw up on the floor.
Decisions decisions.
On the really bad episodes I would just sit in the bath for hours on end so I could turn the shower on to wash the puke and/or shit away.

Fortunately I haven't had an episode in twenty years now.

[–] burgermeister@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[–] socsa@piefed.social 4 points 1 year ago

I can fix her

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