this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2025
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Transgender

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Nearly half of Americans would be totally unwilling to date someone with opposing views on transgender rights (today.yougov.com)
submitted 2 days ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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[–] [email protected] 23 points 22 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago) (1 children)

I went on a first date with someone extremely attractive. Put "moderate" on her profile, didn't seem too bad. With no prompting from me whatsoever she brings up trans people and asks what I think. I say something along the lines of well I get it because as a guy if someone said I was biologically a girl I'd still be a guy inside. She said she wants kids and if the kids are trans she'd beat it out of them.

I mean she was hot enough that I had the thought that maybe I could change her. But I had to say no to a second date because there's no way I could date someone who one date in is already negotiating how she's going to beat my future kids for being themselves.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 13 hours ago

I hope you told her why?

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

I think that the point is not strictly about gender and transgender rights strictly. It is about the having the freedom to represent yourself as you wish in social situations, versus the right to... I'm... something about not having to see something you don't understand... no, it's to not have to challenge your definition of the world even if other people doagree with it. Hmm lemme think about it again.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 13 hours ago

Yeah but you gotta look at both sides of the argument.

(/s)

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I see it as basically it comes down to common morals, character traits whatever.If someone you're interested in wants to do the opposite of your preference in the way of rights for a specific set of people that's probably not due to the specific group as it's more a not seeing eye to eye on on rights issues and there would be more to come in that relationship.

I'm straight but if I met a girl (passed that time forever hopefully) and she didn't want to give people the same rights as themselves, well yeah not going to be interested anymore. I don't even need a qualifier on people, we're all humans and deserve the same rights to love who we want and be the person we are (as long as it doesn't infringe on others besides their 'decency')

[–] [email protected] 3 points 23 hours ago

I don't know that they want to deny others a right that they want to allow themselves. I think they want to deny others a right that they want to deny everyone, even themselves.

[–] [email protected] 157 points 2 days ago (15 children)

And I'm one of them. There's absolutely no way I would or even could ever date some loathsome piece of shit who opposes trans rights, supports Trump, defends the Capitol attack, opposes DEI, wants abortion banned or wants gender roles legislated.

If anything, I'm disappointed that there aren't more of us.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Right?

I can't imagine the kind of person that cares so little.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I can. I think they are my family. I just don't hear their voices ever. Nevermind Trump support for a second, most of them do not support him. But, all I ever get is silence. I open my mouth, finally there's pushback. Not necessarily that they are bigots, but they are more interested in order than justice, is my take. I can't figure it out otherwise. Not without help.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 2 days ago

I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro's great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen's Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to "order" than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice; who constantly says: "I agree with you in the goal you seek, but I cannot agree with your methods of direct action"; who paternalistically believes he can set the timetable for another man's freedom; who lives by a mythical concept of time and who constantly advises the Negro to wait for a "more convenient season."

Shallow understanding from people of good will is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding from people of ill will. Lukewarm acceptance is much more bewildering than outright rejection.

-Martin Luther King Jr

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago

I'm just neurologically incapable of putting myself in their heads. I get that such moderates exist and always constitute a majority in the population, but I can't understand them.

Order without justice is tyranny. If there is no justice, then the order is illegitimate by definition. Yet so many keep acting as if our government is legitimate despite the mountains of evidence to the contrary.

And I can't even blame most of the opposition to reform because the propaganda and surveillance in this country is so thick it makes 1984 seem old-fashioned in comparison.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

Yeah I mean how could you date, much less marry someone whose values are so out of whack with yours??

Glad I never had that problem. It's like, just date cool people??

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago (4 children)

Yeah I mean how could you date, much less marry someone whose values are so out of whack with yours??

Because they lie.

A lot of straight conservative men know that many women do not want to date conservative men. They will not present themselves as conservative men, and instead will list themselves perhaps as “moderates” or “centrists” or otherwise “hide their power level.” This is true for conservative gay men as well, to a lesser extent.

People can be very good at hiding who they really are until the night after you get married. It’s terrifying.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago

Some people are good at hiding their crazy. Luckily, MAGA types are generally pretty loud about their bigotry and never shut the hell up, so it's easier to weed them out.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I find it hard to even work with those types of ppl, let alone date one.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I have two brothers who are variations on the theme.

I'm the oldest and middle brother is a longtime conspiracy theorist who's on the anti-vaxx, deep state fringe (and at least pleasantly is notably not a bigot) and youngest is an IT guy and a stock,,-standard tech "libertarian" who rages about wokeism and free speech and idolizes Musk and is about every kind of bigot imaginable.

So I spend holidays mostly hiding in the study, surfing the web and trying to ignore the bits of mansplained propaganda wafting down the hall...

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (2 children)

That's rough, sorry you have that problem. I have a similar thing with my mom and her trump loving b/f. The holidays usually last about 1 hour before I leave.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Seriously, being a bigot is a deal breaker.

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[–] [email protected] 70 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It makes sense, how can one feel safe around a person who hates and sees other human beings as less than human? It's almost impossible to feel safe around a person like that.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

honestly I can't tell whether a plurality of men think women are humans, let alone trans women ...

EDIT:

Lesbian, gay and bisexual women overwhelmingly identify with or lean toward the Democratic Party over the GOP (83% vs. 12%). Similarly, the Democratic Party enjoys a wide advantage among gay and bisexual men (83% vs. 17%).

Straight men are more likely to associate with the Republican Party than straight women (55% vs. 47%).

(source)

Men generally, but straight (and married esp.) men, seem to be "the problem".

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)
  • Supporting the democrats does not make you a safe person for some people, especially class conscious minorities and vulnerable people who were on the kill list long before Trump
  • Capitalism and patriarchy are the problem not men.
  • Blaming men as if they're a monolithic effectively ignores the spectrum of gender that exists and further alienates people who haven't had the chance to meet their own selves.
  • Blaming men has become a terf dog whistle
[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago

pretty much agree with all of that 👍

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Or, "the problem" is an uneducated electorate: https://www.insidehighered.com/news/government/politics-elections/2024/11/08/men-and-white-people-vote-differently-based-education

Whether this is due to "book smarts" or just a statement that going to college means you meet different people and generally expands your worldview, it seems to make a difference (men still more problematic than women, but less so when educated!).

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 day ago

People are people. Treat them with decency and respect. ALL people. Not sure why that has to be considered a political view. I thought it was just being a good person.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Opposition to any cohort's rights is a pretty clearcut indicator of very poor character.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

and...... Water is wet...

Do you think people who supported Civil rights in the 60s and 70s were off marrying people who opposed civil rights?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

Cross politics marriages were more common in the past.

A lot of women married to get away from their parents and became homemakers. If husband was conservative but not abusive you might keep quiet about what you do in the voting booth for the sake of peace peace at home.

Liberal men might not ask about their fiances politics. If she is hot and willing a lot of young men.

I'm not saying it was ever healthy, but it was more common.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 days ago (1 children)

It's framed as if this is a shocking thing. Someone who opposes trans rights is almost certainly going to be a right winger in general, so you would have a completely different worldview anyway.

For me the more interesting question would be "would you date someone who had exactly the same beliefs as you except on one single crucial issue?"

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I kind of want to meet the person who agrees with me on all beliefs except trans rights. Like, how did they come to that conclusion when so many other things they support rely on having some basic empathy for people.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

There are maybe some TERFs who take the radical feminism angle seriously. The idea is that they think trans people are transitioning because they identify more with stereotypes associated with the opposite sex.

In isolation, I think it would possible to come to the conclusion that trans men are “women trying to escape the patriarchy” and that trans women are “men unable to deal with internalized homophobia.” That a better solution would be to eliminate gender roles altogether.

This only really works if you never talk to trans people, and unfortunately it doesn’t seem that people who hold this view are often capable of changing their mind when presented with contradictory evidence.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And they assume trans lesbians are deranged predators.

You could ask my wife how much she feels like a victim.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Thank God I'm married, not touching a bigot with 100 million meter pole.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

yeah, that's much to unwieldy to get a good swing in. 3 feet is about perfect for me, and I can pretend it's a cane for plausible deniability.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 days ago

Well duh, no bigots or fascists. Huge red flag about their whole personality.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 days ago

Why would I ever want to be around someone who hates simply for the sake of hating?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Because people who oppose trans rights (or the rights of anyone for that matter) are fundamentally going to be pricks. This statistic is not solely about trans rights. Smart people with any sense of self preservation just don't want to date bigots and assholes.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

Don't bang bigots. Simple as.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 days ago

...did they expect people who care about human rights to be interested in romantic connections with Nazis?

looks at results

Oh. What the fuck? Why are those numbers so low?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

To police something so personal as gender expression is anti-American. Obviously if you care so much about people's private lives as to make it a part of your personality, you would have to be a huge piece of shit.

I rather think that's why they're made the outgroup du jour, people were too accepting of and familiar with LBG people, so they said let's narrow WAAAAAAY down to the Trans people and divide and conquer the marginalized groups

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