Ask Lemmy

“How can you possibly live your life and not care what people think? Impossible!”

It can be done, 19 year old me. ☺️

So I'm 30. At 19 this time of year I was on the verge of accepting that I'm a trans woman (i thought I was nonbinary [yes gender] and never coming out). And yeah today I'm in the process of moving to a blue state with my wife.

19 year old me would mostly be shocked I want to live tbh

"Thank you for warning. I'm leaving right now to make sure [name removed] is not able to enlist".

My friend was killed by the United States Army.

"So we're still a fat fucking loser. Great. Nice cat though."

He'd be disappointed that he doesn't end up doing anything epic and world-changing, but then he'd immediately be relieved that he's mostly got shit figured out. Wife, home, job, driving, cooking, all the basic stuff.

Then he'd realize he only thought he needed to do something epic because he couldn't picture himself having those basic things figured out. This would take him a few minutes to process, so he wouldn't say anything.

damn, maybe I should stop smoking weed and stay in college

You figured out what to do in life and landed a nice career? Nice!

You're still single? That really sucks.

Our family blew up? Dad's gone? Oh...

At 19, it was right before a rough few years. My parents went through a messy and drawn-out divorce that I was dragged through the middle of, and ended with my dad dying. Those events helped me figure out who I was and ultimately led me to where I am today, which is in a pretty good spot, but it was a terrible price to pay.

"Oh shit I'm a girl?"

I'm just surviving, dawg

"you're still alive? You own a house? You're dating a divorced mom and her and her daughter moved in? You have 4 cats?"

I was really depressed and had undiagnosed ADHD. I genuinely believed that I wouldn't make it to 30. I was sure that my life was going to end at my own hand. I also didn't think I was worthy of love or that I'd ever find a woman who I could have a relationship with.

So yea, my 19 year old self would be very surprised that I exist at all.

"im gonna be pretty?"

He'd ignore me then yell "I knew it! I'm going bald!"

19 year old me would say "ah so you didn't get into that university that offered industrial design eh? But I like computers so a software job is okay. Also sort of living the dream of being in a cool part of town but you aren't really taking advantage of it."

Your dog is awesome.

Your job is pretty cool. I don't think I'm ready for that yet, but I'll keep that on my radar.

Your beard and moustache are epic. Shame about the hair, but I knew that was coming.

Congrats on getting married, can't wait to meet her.

Donald Trump? Twice? Really? And they do what? Fuck, man...fuck.

Younger me was really depressed, like clinically and so caught up in himself that I think he'd hear me, but not actually listen to what I'd have to say. And I don't totally blame him, he was very confused and hadn't really figured himself out yet.

I think he'd be surprised but also unhappy with the direction of my life... But he'd be unhappy no matter what since he still hadn't figured out how to beat his depression and make his own happiness.

Plus he's not only stubborn but also secretly a bit arrogant and needs to fall on his face a lot to learn lessons. His failures will be his greatest teachers. The fact that he even can fail will be very hard to accept but very needed as well.

So overall, I don't expect his reaction would be great. But I also can't see myself wanting to give him any advice nor do I really care what he would think... Actually I would tell him to lift with his knees and not his back more, properly show him how to do it too.

"Non-bina-what? Don't know about it. But let's focus on the real information please. We don't play League of Legends anymore? What do we play with our friends then? ... we left our friends because they were idiots? WHAT? HOW?"

Young me: WAIT GAMES ARE 3D?! Holy shit 2025 must be awesome

Not young me: Um.....

We are still on course just with a unplan sidemission with our boyfriend

"... Wait, that's a job? I don't understand."

"They use computers to do what??? Shit, guess I’ll become a woodworker then."

You're earning how much? (Well, inflation is a bummer)

You're taking dance classes without being forced? WHY?

You have how many cats? Man are they cute!

I don't believe a word about your relationships and sex life. And shame on you, if it would be true!

A lot of time has passed since I was 19 and looking back at that 19-year-old dude, he would have the hardest time understanding how I got to where I am now. If I could, I would try to beat some sense into that guy, which might have made things along the way easier.

My 19 year old self would be sad and hopefully take a different path.

She would be absolutely stunned. Probably wouldn't believe me. At 43 I'm married to the guy I was dating at 19. At 19 I had dropped out of college and thought I wanted to be an artist; at 43 I'm already retired from a successful career in academic research. At 19 I had no thoughts about politics or the world as a whole (9/11 hadn't happened yet); at 43 I'm pretty informed and opinionated. And she'd probably be surprised how much I'm into the outdoors, healthy living, and weightlifting, given that she had negative interest in those things. The rest is pretty consistent - e.g., I've always loved music from the '60s, fun nail polish, scifi, swimming, and handmade art (drawing, beading, etc).

"Fuckyeah!"

Then I'd elaborate on what it took to get here.

"Shit...."

But at least Mia hasn't been part of the equation for decades.

"Phew"

Don't bother

Are you fucking kidding me?!

"Whoa. You actually talk to and get along with Dad? I can't stand him. He's such a huge dick."

Yeah. Your going to call him that to his face at some point in a few years. It goes over better than you'd expect.

Career? (Not knowing about AI) Oh wow interesting!

Life? (Not knowing about cost of living) Dude wtf!

"Bull. Shit."

We'd probably not get along very well. 19 y/o me though he saw the world "logically" and that everyone else was wrong. He saw emotions as a weakness, and interpreted the world as black and white. To him everything seemed clear cut and simple, and everyone who didn't agree was an idiot.

Seeing nuance and accepting emotions as a valid argument to anything are not things he'd accept. Accepting that people who think differently are not completely stupid might not go well with him. And, without getting into details, I don't think he'd agree with the current situation. He wouldn't be surprised to see me work as a programmer, but his black and white thinking wouldn't gel very well with the reality that most companies aren't exactly "good" causes.

Mine would say: What? You're working with finance people? WTF? Traitor!

But if I explained it a bit more, I reckon they'd be pretty into it, and kind of impressed.

I was trying to get into university in America, failed and got into one in Japan two years ago, so probably this:

World's falling apart, huh? Really dodged a bullet there. Also can't wait to be quadlingual.

"nice, we're on track"

"Sounds shitty, have you considered suicide?"

Younger me was depressed, pessimistic, arrogant, and very much so an asshole with selective hearing. He would only hear the parts of what's happened that fit what he expects to happen.

And despite quite a few negatives over the last decade or so, I've managed to do pretty well for myself.

He'd probably also tell me to lift with my knees. I had to do some heavy lifting at work yesterday and now my back's sore.