this post was submitted on 19 Jan 2026
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This has happened too many times to be a coincidence and it's always men from Taimi that already know I'm trans, it's never the men from Hinge whom I date stealth.

They invite you over everything seems nice until you tell them you don't want sex. I'm asexual, and this leads to some agressive reaction from him always followed by "you're too young and immature you can't be asexual" with tarnsphobic remarks. ALWAYS the same sentences.

This last time this guy yelled at me saying "You think I'm stupid? You're asexual but post pictures of your fat ass in your profile" I'm not joking he literally said that shit ๐Ÿ’€

Mind you they're not pictures of my butt, I'm fully clothed, this is an example:

It's funny how I never get these reactions from men that I'm having a date with while stealth, not even when I tell them later. They either don't care or just tell me they're not interested in trans people, but the guys who are from Taimi seem to be the most transphobic and deranged.

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[โ€“] Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.world 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The VAST VAST majority of people see some degree of sexual contact as a necessity in any long term relationship. You are, of course NEVER obliged to have sex with anyone. However, stating in your bio that you are in no way interested in sex will mean that you don't have to deal with people who expect it. because they will read that and simply move on and look elsewhere.

There are plenty of asexual people out there who only want companionship and you really ought to concentrate on them. A relationship between you and someone who isn't asexual will only end in resentment, because either you capitulate or they do. It's the same with having children you have to be in agreement with your partner or it won't work. Even if two sexual people have different libidos it can be a problem because one feels starved for attention and the other feels pressured to the point it becomes performative.

[โ€“] choihanna@lemmy.zip 16 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Oh I'm very aware of that, I'm very open about being asexual in my profile. Honestly I wouldn't even mind having to try and have sexual interactions with a partner I love. But in the first date? Threatening someone and yelling at them just because I refused to have sex makes me think a lot of dangerous men look for trans women because they think we'll put up with the abusive behavior cis women don't.

[โ€“] irotsoma@piefed.blahaj.zone 0 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's always easier to abuse a oppressed person. And since cis women are less oppressed these days and sexual assault of cis women is less socially acceptable, trans women are an easier target to manipulate.

[โ€“] choihanna@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 week ago

YES! That's what I'm saying. I don't understand why people in the comments are reducing it to them just being chasers because this type of behavior is beyond that.