this post was submitted on 06 Jan 2025
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Comic Strips
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See what I do is juuuuuuust, not give a fuck. I do things my way, and when the bosses say "No, you gotta do it THIS way" I just say "OOOOOOOOH, ok. I'll do that".
As if it's the first time they've ever told me. Then I just act like I'm learning it for the first time, and then....this is the key.....I still do it my way.
And then the bosses say "No no no, remember? We gotta do it THIS way!"
And I say "OOOOOOOOH, ok. I'll do that."
And then......key moment.....I still don't give a shit, and still do my way.
And then the bosses say "Hey, remember, we said we were doing it this way?"
And I say "Yeah, I was doing that,but then I remembered we also do it this other faster way, and then I did that instead."
"Well, we don't do that anymore. We do THIS! THIS! THIS is the way we do it. THIS!!!"
"OOOOOOOOOOH, ok. I'll do that."
And then......I do it my way.
And the boss above the boss doesn't give a shit because it doesn't matter either way. So the only one losing their shit is middle management.
See the key here is to drive them slowly insane, until they get so angry, and so full of hate that they turn to drinking. Which inevitably gets them to become an alcoholic at work, as that's the source of their stress. Which in turn gets them fired for being drunk on the job.
That's when you go out and find a handsome muscular man with a big penis. And you pay him to seduce this guys wife. Multiple times. Eventually he gets addicted to sleeping with her, and you stop paying him. It'll be easy since her husband is now an unemployed alcoholic.
So now you've been promoted at work, because there's been a recent role to fill, everyone around you knows you're not the one to fuck with, and now management above you is saying "Hey, we need to do things THIS way now."
"OOOOOOOOOH, ok. I'll do that."
Username doesn't check out, I think you've got a tried-and-tested plan here
Not too sure about the 'tried' or 'tested', but 100% agree otherwise.
I directed an engineer to check something done in the field by a contractor to see if it was ok. Because it was an edge case not typically done, I said they had to do the check by hand as it would be easier.
They "knew better" and used a computer program instead.
The beam that was bending in the computer program was bending in a different direction than what the field issue was. All of their work was worthless.
"But the GPS said turn here," he said with his car in a pond.
Ah yes, a plan with literally no drawbacks. Not even if the boss is as crafty as you are, no sir, there's no way they'll find some equally devious way to oust you before this plan comes to fruition for not following their directives, nuh-uh.
Of course, you could always take more direct action, but for legal reasons, that's not a suggestion, and I recommend you don't. Find another job. (Or lose your mind and quit without a plan. Also not recommended.)
Instructions unclear, now an alcoholic with dick stuck in middle manager.
I'm sympathetic to instructions like "you need to do it this way BECAUSE perfectly valid reason". Maybe that pointless paperwork is needed for some compliance documents I'm not aware of; maybe what seems like pointless busywork in preparation is actually essential for one of our biggest customers.
Alas, at my work, it's quite often BECAUSE someone tangentially related to the project likes a certain output, and we can never go and speak to them to confirm, nor ask if maybe there's something else we could get them that could be even better.
At one of my jobs there would be like Important Requirements because someone said something to someone, but if you actually skipped the layers and just asked "is it important this be like this?" they usually didn't care.