may_be

I've known Steve for years and while he doesn't hold it against me, I blame myself for some reason even though I should suck it up and stop feeling sorry for myself. He thinks it's too early to do romantic stuff, and I respect his boundaries like people have been saying, but other people think you SHOULD be romantic in a relationship. I'm not gonna be romantic because while I am attached, I don't think I'm ready for it either and neither is he and I just feel bad for being so attached. I know I've known him for years but still...

Also I've been broken up with because they "weren't ready" and by weren't ready, they found out they didn't actually even like me, they just wanted to not be lonely and turned to me because I'm a nice, available option. I don't think he thinks that, I hope not, but still.

cross-posted from: https://thelemmy.club/post/38371177

So, way back in third grade, I [bigender] met my childhood friend "Steve" [M]. In around fifth grade, I had the hugest crush on him and didn't know how to control my emotions so I became really jealous and possessive when he would spend time with others, especially when he didn't include me.

I really liked his eyes and personality and found him the most handsome boy in the world. I wrote stuff about him in my journal every day and even wrote a letter to my 18-year-old self asking if I ended up married to him.

I even ended up doing this "super secret date" thing but our parents ended up finding out.

After about a year, I ended up moving on and we both stopped liking each other that way and just stayed best friends.

We have been best friends, always together for years, and I never thought I would end up liking him again.

I thought I would end up together "forever" with each partner I had, even with my last partner "Karen" since she said she would marry me. However, she wasn't ready to date, and we broke up and stayed friends.

I, afterwards, ended up liking Steve and asked him out. He said "Sure, we could try dating". And I know it's real soon since we only started dating like last week but I'd like to know about how long until we should start flirting, saying "I love you", etc.

I also found out Steve liked me on-and-off for several years but was always too shy to make a move. I asked him if he still liked me before asking him out, and he said "I won't say yes, but it's not a no."

I'm used to saying I love you casually with especially my ex-girlfriends, but this feels different and I'm shyer around guys, generally. I'm only this confident to ask him out because I knew he liked me and he's been my friend for years.

Anyway, his dad has a somewhat negative opinion of me from what I've heard from Steve, and has always thought I liked him and was trying to get him to do sexual things. The latter is not true whatsoever.

We can't say anything in front of people we know or parents because we're trying to keep it a secret from people we know IRL, and everyone we know already thinks we're dating anyway but whatever. I don't want it to be a huge thing, plus I'm really shy.

So, way back in third grade, I [bigender] met my childhood friend "Steve" [M]. In around fifth grade, I had the hugest crush on him and didn't know how to control my emotions so I became really jealous and possessive when he would spend time with others, especially when he didn't include me.

I really liked his eyes and personality and found him the most handsome boy in the world. I wrote stuff about him in my journal every day and even wrote a letter to my 18-year-old self asking if I ended up married to him.

I even ended up doing this "super secret date" thing but our parents ended up finding out.

After about a year, I ended up moving on and we both stopped liking each other that way and just stayed best friends.

We have been best friends, always together for years, and I never thought I would end up liking him again.

I thought I would end up together "forever" with each partner I had, even with my last partner "Karen" since she said she would marry me. However, she wasn't ready to date, and we broke up and stayed friends.

I, afterwards, ended up liking Steve and asked him out. He said "Sure, we could try dating". And I know it's real soon since we only started dating like last week but I'd like to know about how long until we should start flirting, saying "I love you", etc.

I also found out Steve liked me on-and-off for several years but was always too shy to make a move. I asked him if he still liked me before asking him out, and he said "I won't say yes, but it's not a no."

I'm used to saying I love you casually with especially my ex-girlfriends, but this feels different and I'm shyer around guys, generally. I'm only this confident to ask him out because I knew he liked me and he's been my friend for years.

Anyway, his dad has a somewhat negative opinion of me from what I've heard from Steve, and has always thought I liked him and was trying to get him to do sexual things. The latter is not true whatsoever.

We can't say anything in front of people we know or parents because we're trying to keep it a secret from people we know IRL, and everyone we know already thinks we're dating anyway but whatever. I don't want it to be a huge thing, plus I'm really shy.

(Names will be fake, this is not his real name)

"Dear 18-year-old self,

I hope you're reading this, your old journal from third grade. I have the cutest secret crush, and since you're 18 and probably in high school, you know how to deal with secret crushes, even your own! This is the exact and sweetest confession ever! Steve said 'I'm very sorry I let that popular girl manipulate me, and that I thought she was better, prettier, and superior to you. I realize who my real crush is, but I never told you until today, because I thought you'd hate me.' Also, how is it between you and Steve?

(Drawing of me with an arrow saying "as cute, cool, pretty, and popular as me" and Steve in a tuxedo saying "Steve, at 17 years old!"

Sincerely,

Nine-year-old self

P.S. Do not read until 9 years from now"

[Too late for that]

I was a very arrogant 9-year-old who thought she was the main character of a romance book :,)

(The photo is my facial expression to each person I have dated, these are fake names. Posted here because I’m MLM in an MLM relationship.)

Name: Leah

We broke up because she wouldn’t stop asking for dirty photos, we don’t talk anymore.

Name: Steve

We dated in fifth grade when we knew each other but we later lost feelings and decided to just be friends and stop the flirting. We are now together again and have stayed friends all that time.

Name: Aria

We dated online for a little bit until she blocked me because she wanted to “move on” and called me abusive for wanting to be her friend.

We don’t talk anymore, she kept me blocked.

Name: Carol

We occasionally say “hi” or wave but have nothing to talk about. She broke up with me due to me not being the right guy, she didn’t wanna continue dating someone she didn’t feel romantic towards.

Name: Karen

My most recent ex. I have her number so I can contact her any time but we haven’t spoken since we broke up. She broke up with me because she wasn’t ready to be in a long-lasting, committed relationship.

I had this girlfriend "K". K was always breaking up with me over something or just overall being distant. She, today, told me she's not good at showing affection and is not ready to have a boyfriend. She said she would like to be good friends with me, though. :)

When you grow up, life only gets worse. You gotta get a job, sometimes two, to buy the stuff everyone wants and just to survive because not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouth. All you do is sell your time on Earth and your very soul for minimum wage. My existence is worthless. Nobody likes me either.

That damn song is stuck in my head...