gon

Faced with finding a job, I ask myself what I care about. What would I like to do?

The answer is nothing.

I really don't care about anything... Sometimes it'd so weird to hear people talk passionately about a subject. I've spoken passionately before, there are things that I'm passionate about, but not in a "do" sort of way. I'm passionate about my family, about injustices in the world, about music, about art. I'm passionate about a lot of things, really. But I wouldn't want to "do" any of them.

I wonder if it would be best to just find a menial job. Something that isn't anything in particular. It's just something people do because someone has to do it. They're not well-paid, which is a shame and annoying, but I suppose that's fine too. I just... I imagine everything else would be torture.

I wouldn't be using my degree, but I don't think I care, frankly.

I'll see if I can get a job at McDonald's.

Things are so complicated, sometimes. It's weird to think that everything is just people; things could get fixed if people just did them, if people acted together and swiftly, coordinated.

It's just weird to think about that.

I'm leaving my PhD.

Made the decision a couple of days ago, I think, but I only made it true today. I really hated this... My mom wasn't even surprised, though apparently my grandma and my brother were both shocked. My supervisor is pissed, also because, admittedly, I really didn't give him any warning I was feeling this way. But, I mean, what was I supposed to do?

I think this was a mistake. I hate research.

OK.

Then?! I mean, it's not that the issue is the projects or him or the university. The problem is, undeniably, ME! I don't want to be there. I got myself in too deep, I don't want to be in this world, so I decided to leave. I could've left sooner, sure, I couldn't left later... I could've left at a more convenient time for my supervisor, but I'm really not in the mood to torture myself any longer. I reached my breaking point, so I broke. It took time to reach this conclusion, it couldn't be helped.

Now, I hope I don't have to give the grant money back or pay the tuition... It's not particularly likely that I'll have to pay buy the grant money, but I might have to pay back the tuition, since the grant provider might not have payed it yet and may refuse to do so. It's fine, I can afford it, I think... But still. If I have to give everything back I'll be financially set back quite significantly, but that's life, I guess.

Good luck to me!

I'm so tired... I really need to get some proper shut-eye some time soon...

In no particular order.

1. classic_nonchalance
   Absolutely amazing fashion content. Cléa is absolutely hilarious, knowledgeble, and passionate. I'm not huge on fashion

though I do have the things I like

but Cléa's approach really speaks to me.

2. daywithmei
   Great food! I particularly love her tinned fish review series on TikTok, but everything Mei touches is gold, seemingly. Evidently.
   

3. No Logic
   Amazing song by JimmyThumb-P (aka OneRoom) that I first heard while watching a Project DIVA Mega Mix+ livestream. It's so good. The lyrics are really cool, but the instrumental is probably the best part; I just love it so much.
   

4. Python
   Maybe this is a bit silly, but I think Python is really cool. It's so easy to use and so useful! It's a fantastic tool appropriate for many situations, what's not to love about that?

5. Finding new things to read
   I love finding new things to read, especially romance and dramas. I recently came across a new anime called Kowloon Generic Romance (I link the manga), and I'm really excited to read it in the following days. Today, probably, actually.
   

6. drm_sqnc
   This has been a chill-out staple in my playlists for as many years as it's been out (8 years). It does something to me... Songs often get me pacing around the room, in circles or back and forth, but drm_sqnc soothes me deeply instead. It stops me. I like that it does that.

7. Public transport
   Especially trams, but I love all kinds of public transport.
   

   I used the bus a lot today, the tram too. It was lovely. By far the worst part about public transport is the public, though. I mean, people kind of piss me off, to be honest... I think I'm a very asocial person. However! However, I love the concept and I love the execution that I've experienced. I'm sure some public transport services in the world suck pretty bad, but, over here, they're just lovely.
   

8. Speaking to family
   I love speaking to my family. I speak with my little brother and grandma quite regularly, but I also keep in touch with my parents. They'll be visiting really soon, actually, which I expect is going to be just delightful.

...and on that note:

8. Languages
   I really, really love languages! I think they're awesome. I love the languages that hit my ear weird and the ones that sound familiar; I love the ones that were born naturally and the ones that were artificially created; I love the ones I can speak and the one's I've never heard; I love even the ones I don't know exist. Languages are awesome. Being able to say what you think and have others understand you is so insanely cool that I, somewhat ironically, don't have the words. Bazinga.
   

9. いきのこり•ぼくら
   I love Aoba Ichiko in general

her music is amazing ---, but this one in particular is beyond beautiful. The lyrics, the vocals, the guitar... The simplicity of the piece is its strongest characteristic, I think, as a song. The videoclip is also really cool, though I've only watched it, what, once? Twice? I've listened to this particular song more times than I've cared to count, and the whole album it's from is also incredible.

Let's keep it at a comfortable 9, for now.

It's nice to remember to appreciate some nice things.

I haven't eaten mushrooms in a while.

I love mushrooms; I think they're one of the best things in the world. They're cool-looking and delicious! Or poisonous, which is also super cool.

I'm really craving some mushrooms right now...

Continued writing my little Python app.

I'm having so much trouble making a clickable notification, though... I know it can happen, I remember making some on Windows a while back, but this is really tough to figure out... At least for me.

Well, I guess I'll just do something that looks like a notification with webview, IDK.

Update: Did it with webview!

I've been playing lots of Balatro, recently.

It's fun!

I've beaten the Black stake on the red deck. Pretty proud of that. IDK how hard this stuff is supposed to be to be honest. Made it as far as ante 13 before losing.

We'll see if I can beat Blue stake!

A funny thing I saw during my latest run:

I ended up writing quite a bit, yesterday, and "completed" a project I'd been working on since a long time ago. I'm not sure when I started, but it must've been years! I did drop it, eventually, for several reasons.

For one, I started it using Tauri and Rust. God, I hate that. I think it was a terrible experience, overall, though I did learn a lot in the process. I ended up getting a few parts of the project running, but overall it wasn't really very good at all. It didn't do what I wanted it to, it was laggy and buggy... Well, it wasn't great, let's leave it at that.

I decided to write it from scratch a few days ago, in Python. I don't even know when I last touched it... Once again, must've been years. Now, however, I actually managed to do it! Took me a couple of days, and it's not feature complete, but it does what I wanted it to and it looks pretty cute, if I do say so myself.

It's nothing special or fancy, but it feels nice to get something done.

There's a lot to improve on, really, but that's life. I tried to do stuff with a system tray, but it didn't look very good... Also, I need to learn databases. I know nothing about this stuff... I mean, I know SQL is a thing, I know SQLite is a thing that Python comes with... I wonder if it's better than what I'm doing. That was a joke by the way, it's for sure better. I'd like to improve my program.

I set up a list of features:

Current features:

• Persistent memory
• Creator search
• Creator selection
• Desktop notifications
• GUI

Upcoming features:

• Settings menu
  • Check-timing customization
  • Colour customization
• File download
• Taskbar icon
  • Minimize to taskbar
• Link notifications
• Scroll-to-load
• Advanced search
  • Post search
  • Tag search
• Authentication

I'll get to them eventually.

Didn't do much today. Hence, not much to report.

I did some spring cleaning, today.

Did my laundry

not all of it, mind you, since my floormates are hogging all the space... But a good bit of it, regardless

and cleaned my room. Also organized everything: my desk; my wardrobe; and my bedside table. Very nice!

I also bought some jeans, and put some "old ones" for sale. I'm not sure how many jeans are enough, generally speaking... I suppose all you really need is one pair, but 2 pairs is nice in case something happens to the first one (something I've experienced recently, as a matter of fact). Is 3 pairs too many, I wonder.

Something funny, though unfortunate, that happened with the purchase was that, at first, the jeans were listed at 10€. I inquired about the state of the legs, got some pictures, and bought them. Now, this was all in the span of 15 minutes since the jeans were put of for sale. 15 minutes! But then, the purchase was cancelled! Shocked, I went to check the seller's profile and, to my surprise, I find the exact same pair of jeans still for sale but at twice the original price! Well, they were pretty cheap regardless, and they seem to be in pristine quality, so I bought them anyway, but it did hurt to see the price be upped so ruthlessly. Looking over the profile, though, I could see that they sell all their pants for 20€, so I guess the initial sale price was just a typo.

I intend to put some other jeans I have here for sale as well, since I never wear them and they're in perfectly decent condition.

And with that, I'm out!