bradorsomething

(Sevastopol, Ukraine) As the Fed watches carefully for signs of inflation and unions continue to fight for higher wages, the US economy has seen a new face on the hiring line - russian agents are actively calling for US workers in temporary positions, as many as 400,000.

Representatives for Worksource, Insight, ShortStaf, and many other hiring agencies around the US have been contacted to fill the order, and economists predict the pressure to fill these positions will be felt among competitors trying to fill minimum wage openings. Russia, not usually seen as a hiring choice in America, seems eager to fill positions (at minimum wage), offering free uniforms, short training periods before full employment, and lifetime health coverage for many positions. Fast food chains and other low wage employers are feeling the competition already.

“This is exciting,” said 63 year-old Peggy Bammer, of Tuscaloosa. “I’ve been stuck working at the Penny Mart for three years, I ain’t never had benefits. These russian guys say as long as I follow orders, I can probably work there the rest of my life. They were nice, they kind of laughed when I said I wasn’t used to seeing much snow [Ed. - referring to the Jan 2025 show storms in the SouthEast]. I can’t wait to see the front positions they keep referring to.”

Opposition is light among those normally hostile to russia in the US, too. As one policy expert stated, “I see this as a net win, as long as those who carefully examine the offer decide if they really want to take it. But if you believe this is for you, please go. This could lead to a strong demographic swing in the US… because these people will be so thoroughly taken care of, I mean.”

(Fort Worth, Texas) On a day where hundreds of criminals have been given a free pass, one imprisoned conservative law-breaker, Joe Exotic, is hoping to also cash in on the new president’s sweeping clemency with a request of his own. Exotic, who was convicted of multiple attempts of murder-for-hire against his fellow tiger “conservator” Carol Baskins, has a message for president trump: free me, and I will immediately attack the foundations of democracy.

The pledge is drawing mixed reviews from his fellow republicans. “I don’t think you can just promise to attack democracy and get a pass,” said Lowby Prucker, a self-proclaimed republican activist. “These men… and maybe women, I don’t keep track of that… they already stood up and said ‘no’ when America tried to follow the constitution [on January 6th]. They risked getting arrested and went to jail. Now that everybody knows there’s no consequences, of course some people will claim they’ll do it.”

“Maybe if he said he’d ride a tiger into congress,” he added. “That would be pretty sweet.”

That sentiment was shared by republican lawmakers as well. “Now that Lowby mentioned it on his podcast, I think a tiger on the capital steps would be awesome,” said one GOP lawmaker who requested not to be named. “Letting an out-of-control creature loose in government is very on-message for our plans for the next 4 years. However, I don’t think trump will go for it… I mean maybe if it chases Nancy Pelosi… but trump is as likely to pardon the tiger as Joe. Also, Joe Exotic and Joe Biden have the same first name. You have to be around trump to understand why that’s a bad thing.”

Law scholars agree that with this being a Federal conviction, the ball rests squarely in trump’s hands. But as of Wednesday, Exotic remains caged like a… man that likes tigers.

(Helsinki, Finland) It has been a banner year for evil corporations slowly squeezing humanity for every last drop of profit. With trains derailing, ships hitting critical infrastructure, oil spills and fires, global warfare, and ongoing opioid problems, the dramatic end to a functioning society seems closer every day, as every facet of life seeks monetization. And every year, one industry stands out more evil than them all, and this year, oil execs say, it is going to them.

“We’ve definitely seen the attention healthcare is getting,” said one oil executive, slipping into his baby-sea-otter-skinned jacked before a gala. “You have to admit, everyone hates health care… even we in petroleum. But while they are evil… who isn’t… oil has a deep-seated hatred in the world’s psyche that deserves recognition.”

The ‘Most Hated Industry’ Awards, or “the Haties” (not to be confused with the country destroyed by poverty), is recognition that one sector is out-crushing everyone when it comes to weighing down the human soul. Oil, a perennial favorite, feels this is their time again, and they’re not afraid to brag. “We’ve had several tankers sink this year, and spill, some in the last few months. Oh sure, people don’t cry as much when each bird covered with oil dies, now a day, but we’re making it up with volume. Do you like the price you pay at the pump? Too bad. I did this, not some peasant in the White House. Our private ballroom is called Club Baby Seal. You can’t deny true hatred.”

But some experts disagree that oil is the black spot in people’s heart it used to be. Researchers at the Nestle Institute of Greater Evil find that Health Insurance and Big Pharma are the most often loathed in recent polls. “We know people would gladly shoot at oil executives if they had the chance, but you can tell from recent events that maybe oil is slipping, pardon the pun, behind other aspects of life that make it feel dull and meaningless.”

Oil executives, of course, disagree. “We don’t like to brag, but some pretty big chunks of ice are falling into the ocean right now. Sure, maybe we convinced republicans that climate change isn’t real, but that knowledge among liberals should double their hate of us, if not more.” He laughed nervously, “as long as they vote!”

(Wilmington, Delaware) - After a hard two weeks of soul-searching, American Healthcare Executives say they have learned from recent events, and they’re ready to make changes.

“This is horrible,” said one executive who asked not to be named. “Not only was a man killed in the streets - a father - but the reaction of many people was excitement and jokes about his death.” This sounds a common sentiment among healthcare executives in American following the recent shooting: they are ready to make a change.

“We are already rolling out new policies, to respond to some of the concerns we are hearing in this national conversation,” wrote another executive in an email who wishes to go unnamed. “We are changing how we look at healthcare, and we are excited to reduce the amount of evil we bring to the world by three… and sometimes up to six percent… in order to no longer be shot in the streets like dogs.”

Policy changes will begin immediately. “In some cases, we used to deny cancer treatment for a mother of six over a certain cost threshold,” said an anonymous claims adjuster. “That has totally ended. In most cases now we will only deny a mother of three, or four if they seem like a pushover, and in most cases even then we will start treatment if they’re persistent, within 3 years.”

“Of course the father is still toast,” she added.

Changes like these are not going over well on Wall Street, where earnings numbers play a large part in the value of health stocks. Numbers were mixed as traders sought to determine how less evil might impact their portfolios.

But some in the industry are concerned what turning over a new leaf could mean in the longer turn. “Mike,” a security consultant who did now want to give his last name, worries if Americans will see through what experts call ‘just enough pandering to not be insulting,’ and the effect it will have on his career. “I just got a $30,000 raise, and a $10,000 bonus. The CEO looked me in the eye and shook my hand, and his wife took all our wives for spa treatments. I’m getting sniper rifle training, we all are.”

“If that fear goes away, what happens to the benefits I receive from other people being denied them? I know I’m not the boss here, but I am important, and I would hope they remember not to treat their security staff like they would a customer.”

I play with a group where we love to help out the DM with adventures; this is a batch of dragonoids I’m printing for our combats in a 5e Dragonlance campaign.

I print them, another player paints them, we all benefit from adding to the realism with 3D models. As a DM I love it when players help add to the realism of the game, and our DM trusts us not to push too much but to help if asked.

Just wanted to throw out this slice of gaming life in case it sparks ideas for anyone. Printing minis, building terrain, helping with play lists.. this can all help make the DM job easier and make a better game experience for everyone.

Or buy pizza. No one minds if you buy pizza.