Definitely make sure to listen to the game's music if you play! Such an amazing soundtrack!!
Vibi
joined 8 months ago
Okay, this is getting to be a bit much. I'm over 30 years old, have been seeing my PCP for the entirety of my life- he was the one who first diagnosed my autism and have me sent to be evaluated for ADHD. Due to insurance, I've had multiple psychs/therapists, but often see them for 3-5 years. I spend hours with these people talking about a variety of things, including eating habits. Never ONCE has any medical professional diagnosed or hinted that my relationship with food is related to an eating disorder. My anxiety around meal prepping was due to me training for competitive bodybuilding and having to eat 6 large meals throughout the day mentally wore me down. This mental hangup continued after I stopped training, and has less to do with the eating and more to do with the planning my schedule around eating. I very much dislike ANY form of structure which feels rigid or like I have to be conscious of times/date. I have no problems with the food itself, I have no problems controlling my intake of food, and my only issues stem from the scheduling and routine of eating.
My understanding of binge eating when it comes to eating disorders is that people will eat when they don't want to, are already full, eat till they are sick, feel negative about binging, eating fast for hours, etc - this isn't what I experience. I do get hungry and I eat till I'm satisfied. I would not classify the way I eat in this manner as binging - it doesn't bother me, I don't eat myself sick, and I can stop when I want.
This game and Roboquest are two of my favorite roguelikes! They both have a different feel when using the weapons, but both are incredibly satisfying! The progression and unlocks feel rewarding, the coop is fun (only played them with friends, so idk how online‐strangers coop is), and I enjoy how the difficulty scales. Love the weapon, perk, and build variety!!
No experiences with stage fright after starting HRT (mainly because I haven't been on stage for anything 🤭), but there are a variety of other feelings and experiences that are different!
There's a lot of physical changes, but these are the more mental/unexpected ones for me:
• Just happier and more positive; life feels brighter
• Less physical anxiety symptoms overall (think there's a lot of reasons for this)
• My cannabis tolerance reset in the first month (super did not expect that)
• Libido/desire is absolutely gone (I'm hoping it's more that I haven't been in a situation that ignites that within me... because I miss those feelings)
• There's a general edge that is no longer there (it's like there used to be this weight that was always present that I wasn't aware of - hard to describe!)
• I've always connected to people more emotionally, but now it's waaay more important - drifted apart from some friends who are more closed off in that regard
There's more, but it's late, and my brain is melty 🫠
I never used TikTok either! I'm not super into short video content. I had a macro photography account on IG about 5 years ago with 30k followers; I closed it after a lot of life obstacles but recently started shooting again. I'm not super into supporting Meta, so I thought I'd just see how RN is since it's both image and video content. I've honestly been incredibly surprised! There's a lot more user interaction in posts with so much of it being supportive. There are creators posting there whose content on other platforms would always attract negative and hateful comments - absolutely none of that so far on RN. The CN community has been very welcoming, patient, and helpful to new users. I definitely think it's worth checking out, even if it's just to get a glimpse of another culture!
Anecdotally, most of my explore is lgbtq posts with plenty of comments and interaction. Some posts are many days old. I'm 100% sure there is and will be further censorship, but I've not really encountered it yet... I've also been seeing articles about there being a large amount of specific content (Luigi, guns, etc) that I haven't encountered at all.
Omg sooo true. I clear my calendar for an entire week after each session. The healing process is just ughhhh!!
I'm honestly going to go by the fact that not a single time in my life has it been brought up by my doctors, psychs, or therapists - some of whom I've been seeing for decades. I'm sure you're incredibly qualified to make these types of diagnoses based off of a few sentences from someone on a message board, but please use your time for your actual patients.
I think these types of feelings tend to come from a bunch of different places for everyone, and it takes each of us different amounts of time and effort to push through them. It's all super overwhelming, especially starting, and sometimes it's hard to pinpoint what's fear, anxiety, embarrassment, or some mental construct that society has programmed into us. It's all new, and sometimes learning and the fear of not being good at something will manifest as different negative emotions (thanks education system).
When you can, try to focus on every small victory! It's silly, but honestly, it is often one step at a time! Shaving different parts of your body and enjoying how smooth your skin is, starting your skincare routine/ritual, researching a new fashion aesthetic and buying your first pieces of clothing, or to make it easier - wearing colors which you may have avoided before, styling your hair differently, getting your nails painted, etc. Each little thing will feel like a huge mountain, but like anything, as you do them more, they'll start to feel more natural 🩷 You will stumble, but just do your best to be patient with yourself! Clothing might not fit or look quite right, that cute hairstyle might not fit your face quite yet, your hands will be a bit clumsy with that make-up brush - all these things are sooo normal, but we're just so used to only being exposed to the curated, 100th take, years of experience, perfect versions of others through social media.
Something that helped me was expanding my circle a bit and being present in queer spaces - physically or digitally. My ideas of gender completely crumbled as I started interacting with gender diverse people and people on their own journey exploring their gender identity. This will also help you find events or friends that will offer a safe space for you to build confidence outside of your home!
You're entirely wrong about that, and I think that's the entire point of this post. Eating does not repulse or disgust me. I have zero anxiety that xyz food is going to make me gain/lose weight. The idea here is that our brains absolutely do not easily create a routine around food. Let's say it's 10am and I'm starting to get hungry- I'll tell myself "okay, lunch in the next hour or two!" I briefly go back to whatever I was doing, look at the clock again, and it's 6pm.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, and I hope you can find new things and people that bring light to your life 🫂 I went through the same thing last year with my friend group Discord server. I started to notice that I was the only one inviting them to play, trying to find games that fit all their random criteria, and then feeling terrible when I'd get every excuse only for those excuses not to apply to other friends. Recommend a game - no interest, another friend recommends the same game, all the interest. I eventually realized I was just at a different place mentally and emotionally and left. They're still my friends, but being in a server that makes me feel alone just wasn't good for me. Started putting my time into new friendships, but I'm just lucky these new people reached out to me because I'm incredibly shy. Gaming with friends is probably my favorite activity in life - not having that right now makes me sad, but I do now have friends to do irl things, which makes me happy. I don't like reading, but I did start reading manga (all wlw/yuri) and would force myself out of the house to a local coffee shop to do that; that's how I meant my new friends!