Asklemmy

every website hurts me

Checking people over.

Used to be a nurse's assistant, among other jobs. So I have the unnerving habit of eyeballing everyone I know and asking them questions when they show even a hint of difficulty.

I see something on their arm, I'm likely to be reaching for them before I stop to think to ask permission. Luckily, I don't do it with strangers because I hate touching or being touched when I don't know the person, but it gets plenty of eye rolls from the people I do know lol.

Skin check!

Oh, I see you holding your belly, when did you last move your bowels?

Then again, some of them are fine with it.

My buddy, Spider, the last time he had a big party, he showed up the next day, said he went a little crazy, stood up and whipped out his dick. It was abraded, but otherwise intact and with no signs of infection. And yes, before I could stop myself, I was leaning forward and looking closely.

Because it was Spider, he wiggled it at me and said, in a squeaky little voice "hello Mr sasquatch, do you want a kees?"

I love that guy, but I slapped his balls for that one

As a boilermaker, I can't not go anywhere and not inspect the quality of welds, I see spatter and undercut and I'm like, who the fuck let that out of the shop

Worked in retail for 8 years and still feel no joy in my life over a decade later. Does that count?

Ooo You've got good veins, I could get a huge cannula into that one.

Going out to pubs and pointing out all the missing or lacking essential safety measures.

Going pretty much anywhere and talking about the breaches of electrical safety requirements.

In airports and explaining all the ways they aren’t complying with safety regulations. And now that I don’t work in an airport anymore I don’t know what to do with all that VERY specific knowledge.

i worked at starbucks during its heyday in the 90's and it turned me into an espresso snob thanks to the training they used to put their barista through.

they stopped doing that sometime in the 2000's and now i'm so bougie that starbucks is beneath my standards. lol

i'm the same way with food; i used to make my own tortillas and now everything store bought is beneath my standards too. lol

I work in commercial and institutional building energy efficiency. I notice myself paying way more attention to the infrastructure that normally fades into the background. Stuff like “I wonder how big the transformer for this building is?” or “Ooh, that’s a hefty cooling tower, I wonder how much chilled water they use?”

Speaking for the back row without realising it, especially when I'm passionate about the subject.

I still haven't figured out how to prevent it, people frequently tell me that I start bellowing after a point in my discourse. And that's on top of having a naturally resonant voice...

Behind!

If you've worked in hospitality, you know.

I am an English as second language teacher, and sometimes when I'm talking in my first language I say things like "sure" or "great", and get extremely embarrassed after that.

My honey ended a phone conversation last night with his cousin with "thank you for your time." Just running on autopilot.

I have reverse work/life autopilot. I've ended work-related voicemails with "love you! Er, uh, that just came out by accident. I mean I am fond of you but...well, crap, just call me back."

I support a fax server application. You'd be surprised how many pieces of media use fax tones as background noise and I automatically start trying to search for audio issues when I hear it.

Inventorying and alphabetizing all of my physical media.

Retail for a decade.

As a former product owner I initiated family retrospectives after smaller or larger events like holidays, stadium visits, changing family bank accounts, moving, etc. We discus what we found went really good or bad and what we need to look out for next time and note everything.

I occasionally check my surroundings (especially when staying at a spot for more than just a couple minutes) for potential ambush and sniper locations.

The funny part about that is that I only served for two years and not once left my home country to even be at risk of combat.

Listening without saying a word, I'm a psychologist

Used to work at a casino as security and while recording employees with coin to fill the machines, we had to sign our name and employee number on literally hundreds of slips per day.

I have signed my employee number on rent checks and even some Christmas and birthday cards without even realizing it.

We also had to clear our hands by showing front and back of hands to the surveillance camera.

I've unthinkingly cleared my hands on many occasions while shopping and putting something back on the shelf.

It took me literally years to break those habits and I still occasionally fight to not sign my employee number.