this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2024
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[–] Fizz@lemmy.nz 84 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Oh yeah, my cats going to have a field day with that.

[–] TriflingToad@lemmy.world 25 points 2 years ago

scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch scratch

[–] HexadecimalSky@lemmy.world 60 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Every once in a while I get a Uline catalog sent to me.I have looked at that same sort of industrial Jumbo roll. Very tempting.

[–] TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works 75 points 2 years ago (5 children)

If it's the uline jumbo rolls my work gets... Please don't.

Your asshole will thank me

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 63 points 2 years ago (8 children)

You just gotta keep using it until your anus naturally builds up callouses.

[–] TheMightyCanuck@sh.itjust.works 29 points 2 years ago

I rarely physically shudder from text

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 8 points 2 years ago (4 children)

My wife keeps telling me that...

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[–] bobs_monkey@lemm.ee 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I too try to only shit on company time

They're called union shits around here. Even if you're not in one lol.

Also combine shitty to with expensive bidet. Best of both worlds.

[–] RoquetteQueen@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 years ago

If you don't use a bidet, your butthole is already calloused. I learned this the first time I pooped in a normal toilet after getting my bidet.

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[–] waz@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago

Is it the high gloss stuff, or the 80 grit option?

[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 10 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Does it flake like a French pastry?

[–] cocobean@sh.itjust.works 26 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I only wipe my ass with croissants to keep my cheeks buttery smooth

[–] Nfamwap@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'm fairly certain those words have never been uttered in that order in the entirety of human history. Bravo.

[–] Fermion@feddit.nl 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Nor should they ever again.

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[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Try a bidet first. I still use TP to dry off the wet, but way less TP.

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[–] Etterra@lemmy.world 56 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Single ply, extra thin, just like our corporate overlords intended it.

[–] androogee@midwest.social 37 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Thing's so top heavy he's gonna barely touch it and the whole thing will go toppling into the bathtub and instantly absorb 10x its weight in water.

Just like that, 42 cents down the drain.

[–] Madison420@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Bro that tp is gonna melt in the water whole homeboy watches like that devastated raccoon.

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[–] DarkPassenger@lemmy.world 47 points 2 years ago (1 children)

One of my neighbors owns a restaurant. When covid hit, they dropped boxes of gloves, hand sanitizer, and those rolls of TP off for everyone on the street. I still have one

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago

That is a solidly decent neighbour.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 37 points 2 years ago

At least the tp is oriented in the right direction.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 32 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Nice, that might last my wife one, maybe two days.

[–] Vlyn@lemmy.zip 11 points 2 years ago

The secret is a bidet. Much cleaner and suddenly I spend a third on toilet paper compared to before (you still use some for drying and checking).

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[–] buzz86us@lemmy.world 26 points 2 years ago (5 children)

💯he stole that from a public bathroom

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[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago

I was hella poor in college, and constantly using Taco Bell napkins and such for toilet paper. One day at school I found one of these rolls that was left on the counter in the bathroom. I immediately put that shit in my backpack and took it home. It felt like I had won the lottery! No need to worry about toilet paper for like 6 months!

[–] PseudorandomNoise@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago (1 children)

“You can’t spare one square!?”

[–] Skoobie@sh.itjust.works 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I don't have a square to spare!

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[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago (1 children)

If you can fit it on your roll holder why wouldn't you? That's just good sense right there

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[–] perviouslyiner@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

Someone's university has CH-751 locks on their toilet roll dispensers, and is missing a roll...

[–] Got_Bent@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

This is the lock picking lawyer and what I have for you today really wipes out the competition.

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[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I still have 2 rolls of that stuff from back when there was no TP in the store and it was all I could find. Never did end up using them, but I guess I'm set if it happens again!

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 13 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Let’s hope he had some high capacity magazines to match

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[–] Leviathan@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

~~Shopping in bulk~~

Stealing in bulk

[–] sunbytes@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago (2 children)

You use it like a knife-sharpeners' wheel.

[–] Bashnagdul@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

For the poop knife?

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[–] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

That could kill a man rolling down a hill

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 years ago

Shitting in bulk i see.

[–] crawancon@lemm.ee 8 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

His work's supply cabinet.

Rock on, man.

[–] Clusterfck@lemmy.sdf.org 16 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)
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[–] Bobmighty@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

Garbage toilet paper found often at the workplace. People especially poor in money and/or taste will sometimes use it in their homes.

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