this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2025
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[–] atzanteol@sh.itjust.works 81 points 2 years ago (3 children)

"The CDC is recommending citizens do a colon cleanse and to make appointments to consult with their acupuncturists to see if a chakra alignment may be needed."

[–] Donjuanme@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago

If it's Kansas City Missouri it'll be chiropractors.

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

If that doesn't work than just attach two leeches to each nipple for 2 hours every day until the fever subsides.

[–] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago

For really persistent cases, please use the emergency crystals.

[–] Gammelfisch@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

...and for the final cleaning, shove a UV lamp down your throat until it exits your butthole.

[–] WatDabney@lemmy.dbzer0.com 41 points 2 years ago (4 children)

I sincerely expect future historians (if there are any) to have a specific name for this particular period in American history - something like "The idiot Age" or "The Faceplant Years."

[–] meco03211@lemmy.world 43 points 2 years ago

Pretty sure we had "The Information Age". Seems trivial to call this "The Misinformation Age".

[–] Zachariah@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Nah, the face plant years are where you just skip the hand and directly slam your face into the nearest surface because of the off-the-charts level of absurdity you're hearing. More fitting for the current state of things.

[–] Ixoid@lemm.ee 2 points 2 years ago

The Trump Decline.

[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

The gas leak decades

[–] water@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Pretty soon they'll start calling it the Spanish Tuberculosis

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The article says nothing about why.

I know it's newsweek but could they, y'know, make an effort?

[–] comador@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

They'll just say something stupid like "God's Will" lmao. Probably RFK's message as well.

EDIT: Poking around the CDC cites: "socioeconomic and disrupted health care access during the pandemic as key factors" for TB spreading without being caught.

[–] Monument@lemmy.sdf.org 2 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Much in line with other commenters statements about socioeconomic factors, I submit this hyper-local diss: “Crimedotte

[–] Gammelfisch@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Red State problems call RFK for a solution ASAP.

[–] CharlesDarwin@lemmy.world 8 points 2 years ago

I wonder how long we'll even be able to know any informed details about such things under donvict.

[–] Ioughttamow@fedia.io 6 points 2 years ago

Remember to stake the heart or cut off the head to prevent those who die of consumption from coming back to feast on the living

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It was only a matter of time before most of humanity got wiped out by a virulent disease. I just thought it would take a good year or two.

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Well at least TB was a predictable option for a world ending disease

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Most deadly infectious disease, world champion going strong.

[–] Zron@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Only because rich countries don’t provide poor countries with antibiotics needed to fight it.

TB is a bacterial infection. It is easily diagnosed and treated with even substandard attention from a doctor.

The fact that it’s spreading so rapidly in America is highly concerning not because TB is super infectious, but because it’s so easy to treat and prevent.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world -1 points 2 years ago

Antibiotics are becoming less and less effective and drug-resistant TB already exists.

[–] aramis87@fedia.io 4 points 2 years ago

Nah, I'm holding out for H5N9.

[–] zipzoopaboop@lemmynsfw.com 3 points 2 years ago

Oh shit, someone hide Roger Clark ASAP

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago

Ain't nobody got time for that!

[–] Spiderwort@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 2 years ago

What is "blessed" exactly? Is it like luck?