this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2026
253 points (97.0% liked)

Not The Onion

22756 readers
708 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] FiniteBanjo@feddit.online 78 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Oh lmao like a real live Flamingo.

I thought it was talking about a lawn ornament.

"No no no, listen, the ducks at the park are all free. Really."

[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 15 points 4 days ago (1 children)

During his testimony Friday, Fairbarn testified that he grew up on farms, owns dogs and a parrot named Sonny. He said he once rescued an abandoned llama and six ducks.

[–] 0x0@infosec.pub 10 points 4 days ago

Grew up in a barn hm

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] wh90b@sopuli.xyz 42 points 4 days ago (5 children)

Authorities say Fairbarn, who faces two counts of animal cruelty, was drunk at the time of the theft. Now on trial, he told a Nevada court on Friday that he took the bird as a “silly pranky joke” after drinking between 30 and 40 beers.

He denied malicious intent to hurt or kill the flamingo.

Peachy suffered seven to eight missing feathers, broken shafts and blood loss consistent with trauma and needed antibiotics, anti-inflammatories and weeks of pain medicine to recover, the bird’s veterinarian said.

Prosecutors opened the trial last week with surveillance footage, photos and Snapchats showing Fairbarn smiling, laughing and grabbing Peachy by the neck along with his two friends.

The veterinarian said grabbing Peachy by the neck was inappropriate — and could have potentially been fatal.

During his testimony Friday, Fairbarn testified that he grew up on farms, owns dogs and a parrot named Sonny. He said he once rescued an abandoned llama and six ducks.

Then he should know better! Hope Peachy is doing fine now.

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Peachy would be doing better if they weren't stuck in a casino as an attraction

It's grotesque how animals are treated as novelties in 'Murica, and especially Vegas

That place is beyond revolting

[–] anarchy79@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

"He once rescued an abandoned llama and six ducks."

From the Grand Llama and Six Ducks casinos, respectively.

[–] kunaltyagi@programming.dev 11 points 4 days ago (4 children)

He was drunk... Why is an establishment serving 30 beers to a person?

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 9 points 3 days ago (1 children)
[–] DamoclesDurden@sh.itjust.works 3 points 3 days ago (2 children)

It’s Vegas. If he had been hanging out in a casino those beers were probably free.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 days ago

Nothing is free in Vegas. You get drinks when you are ID'd as a sucker .

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 3 points 3 days ago

its las vegas,

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Burn_The_Right@lemmy.today 3 points 3 days ago

This guys sounds like an asshole. I hope they throw the fkn book at him.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] postcapitalism@lemmy.today 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

What happens in Vegas…

Hey what’s with this false marketing. I feel misled

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 days ago

It's like the soap in the bathrooms, they assume you're just going to take it and have back up flamingos waiting.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 8 points 3 days ago

Stealing a bird! I thought this was South America!

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 15 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

All units, Code Pink... repeat, Code Pink!

[–] darthsundhaft@piefed.social 12 points 4 days ago (6 children)

Why does a casino have a flamingo... ? The fuck is wrong with the US?

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Umberto Ecco wrote a book about how Americans uniquely crave second best. Travels in Hyperreality. They make fake versions of international attractions locally instead of visiting the real thing because they might catch socialism.

I.e. the Parisian fake Eiffel Tower, the Bellagio fake Italian foundations.

[–] lividweasel@lemmy.world 14 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (3 children)

I haven’t opened the article yet, but I’m gonna guess it’s the Flamingo casino.

Edit: Bingpot:

Police say Mitchell Fairbarn, a 34-year-old tourist from Ontario, Canada, was caught on surveillance footage in March hopping a fence to get inside the flamingo habitat at the Flamingo Hotel and Casino — and stealing a flamingo named Peachy

Over the course of my entire life, I've never heard of a flamingo casino.

Good on you for your specialized trivia knowledge.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 2 days ago

a 34-year-old tourist from Ontario, Canada

Canadian Randy Marsh.

This chud was convicted. If he had done this to a Canada goose he would have had Wayne to deal with and I suggest you let that marinate.

[–] anarchy79@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

You sure put those clues together, Sherlock!

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 8 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Have you been to Vegas? It is pretty on point

[–] SippyCup@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

There's a flamingo themed hotel. The hotel, like everything in Vegas, sucks. But it's fun if you're an idiot.

[–] anarchy79@lemmy.world 1 points 2 days ago

"Why does a casino have flamingos?"

"It's a flamingo themed casino!"

"Why is there a flamingo themed casino?"

"Because of the flamingos."

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 9 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (17 children)

30 beers? Thats crazy

Honesty I would be curious as how a drunk guy got the flamingo. He definitely should be brought to justice but the casino also shouldn't be creating a situation where this is possible to begin with.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

"...says he drank between 30 and 40 beers on the night..."

I'm an alcoholic and can't drink 30 Keystones in 24-hours. About half that is my limit. I don't mean cutting myself off, that's all I can drink before I'm bored or tired.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 6 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

The Flamingo casino in Vegas has a bunch of actual flamingos in one of the courtyards outside where you can eat. It wouldn't be hard to get one, even if you're drunk, because they're already pretty used to people.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] flandish@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago (1 children)

wife currently drinks abt 16 glasses of 8% wine a day, before 1pm. every day. also she’s an alcoholic. so there’s that. sigh. i’m tired.

[–] SippyCup@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago (4 children)

also she’s an alcoholic.

Really? What makes you say that?

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (14 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›