this post was submitted on 17 Oct 2026
25 points (100.0% liked)

Transfem

5978 readers
76 users here now

A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.

Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.

Some helpful links:

Support Hotlines:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zone
ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone
ada@piefed.blahaj.zone
will_steal_your_username@lemmy.blahaj.zone
25
I did it, now what? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 4 weeks ago by Phnelope@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone
13 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

So basically yesterday I managed to meet with a few queer/trans people in my city and the next day comes and suddenly the group got quiet. No mention of making another one or anything! Me and me partner were the youngest there and maybe it's the stigma of the relationship or just my age. I know it's one meetup but people judge harshly and I blame myself for not being enough of a person to be interesting. I will try again but this time I won't be pushy :3 Mood: confused

top 13 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] molehill_siesta@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Maybe be a little 'pushy'?

It's been one day, people's social energy could be low after the meetup, they might not know how much you enjoyed it, if it's not a group that regularly gets together they could be out of the habit, etc etc.

I would message the group saying how much I enjoyed/appreciated/whatever the meetup, and either ask or suggest the next meeting.

Over the longer term, if you're always the one pushing for a meetup and people are resistant; or if you suggest a few times a second meeting and everyone avoids talking about it, then sure, there's likely some social mismatch happening.

(Just my thoughts from an autistic perspective - if you and they are neurotypical and the vibes were off, then you know best, and I wish you good luck finding a better community fit)

[–] Phnelope@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 weeks ago

Thank you, it's good advice, I'll let it simmer till next week and will see. Sadly my country has a difficulty of community (more like a lack of as a commenter pointed out) and that's why I was living solo for my pre hrt phase.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 5 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago) (1 children)

In a similar boat here too. Hope you get through!

[–] Phnelope@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 weeks ago

thank you :3

[–] AzuraTheSpellkissed@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Was the group very much active before, in contrast? Because without context, that sounds like normal group chat behavior that I wouldn't worry too much about. I can be annoying, but I haven't seen people quietly create a new group just to avoid a person (or two), instead of just straight up kicking them out.

[–] Phnelope@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

They had their golden era but died down, I basically made the momentum to unite them again and it went well, my adhd brain loves overthinking because this happened to many of my old groups in the past and I hate repeating the same cliche

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 3 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

Did you at least have gun when you were hanging out? I feel like I'm in the same boat. My groups always go quiet after we hang. I haven't hung out with anybody in a almost year, like another comment said: be pushy. You might get critical feedback but at least you know what friendships you're looking for.

[–] Phnelope@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

My own self says yes maybe that's just how they work, next week I may be a bit pushy and who knows

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Also lmao I just reread my comment. Sorry for the confusion. Did you have fun? Not did you bring a gun to the party lol.

[–] Phnelope@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 weeks ago

I sure did :3 could have been worse

[–] gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 weeks ago (1 children)

i have zero information about you or your background but i guess that if you're like 14 maybe other people don't want to be seen like the person who wants to meet a 14 year old again? idk

[–] Phnelope@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Lol I'm actually 22 but your assumption is that I'm a immature human being (makes sense)

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@reddthat.com 1 points 3 weeks ago

You mentioned they might be avoiding you for your age, which seems to imply you are under 18 (or a local equivalent age) because if you were under 18 and they're past 21, there's more stigma involved (especially with the claim that trans people are groomers or whatever). Where an age gap after that is much less meaningful.