Toilet paper is gross as fuck anyways, use bidets.
Seriously, toilet paper is on my list of things that in 50 years people will look back and wonder what the fuck was wrong with everyone. Assuming we're still alive in 50 years that is.
this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2026
479 points (99.2% liked)
People Twitter
10378 readers
1127 users here now
People tweeting stuff. We allow tweets from anyone.
RULES:
- Mark NSFW content.
- No doxxing people.
- Must be a pic of the tweet or similar. No direct links to the tweet.
- No international politcs
- Be excellent to each other.
- Provide an archived link to the tweet (or similar) being shown if it's a major celebrity, figure or any politician. https://web.archive.org/save is an option. Archive.is is no longer recommended because they remove/alter content.
- If a tweet (or similar) makes a statement of fact, either mark it as "satire" in the body or provide the original source link backing up the statement
founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
Maybe not
but using drinkable water that way surely will look crazy
Pretty sure I won’t be.
It was my understanding that no, it did not have splinters, but that someone began marketing it as "splinter free" in the same way I could begin advertising my cereal brand as "asbestos free" and while I'm not outright SAYING the competition contains asbestos, it's implied. And if anyone reads it and chooses my brand because of their assumption, that's just a bonus and not at all my fault.
Using paper specifically for use with toilets was first written about around 1500 years ago, but the casual way it was written about tells me that it was commonly used for some time before that. If I had a guess, probably for at least 150 years, but China has been making paper for almost 2,000 years, so who knows when someone first tried it on their ass.
If normal paper was splinter free, it stands to reason that toilet paper, which must be thinner and less rough by necessity, would also have been splinter free.
Also you can't even make these claims in countries with sensible advertising restrictions. Advertising that your product does not violate the law is illegal here for instance.
Advertising that your product does not violate the law is illegal
I sense a paradox incoming...
So, if I advertise that my product doesn't violate the law, that's illegal. Which means it does violate the law, so ... no longer illegal?
No, you're just violating the law twice that way: once for claiming it doesn't violate the law, and once for false advertising.
so without getting too pedantic it should just be an unneeded assumption that all products comply with the law?
Advertising that your product is legal is illegal, to know if the product is legal you check the certification marks on the product/product container (ex: CE)
that makes too much sense for government
My government suck ass in a lot of things, but they are pretty good with regulations (if they make them), it wouldn't be too irrealistic for Italy to make something like this (just look at the regulations for buildings...), idk if they added something like that too but I hope they did
load more comments
(2 replies)
Had that shit in the Soviet Union so I'm lucky enough to have experienced it first hand. Don't recommend it. Honestly, get a bidet and join the civilized people. That's my advice.
If someone never experienced the warm sharp edges of the newspaper Pravda on their bum over the shithole of a village toilet, they never actually lived. Good on them, I say.
I've had a bidet for years but still use two or three squares to pat everything dry.
I grew up in Romania in the 80s and sometimes we only had 1 square of toilet paper per day. This had to last through 13 shits (this was how many family members lived in my flat).
The abundance of America is an enigma to me, even to this day. I often wax nostaligc about my mom's hands smelling like warm dookies while she was preparing our potato soup and that long ago lubricated feeling between my cheeks that will sometimes rise above a faint whisper when I eat too many Hot Pockets.
When I first came to America, I dropped down on my knees and cried when I saw the paper aisle at my local Kroger. I had to borrow $8 from my girlfriend to buy a 12 pack but it was worth it. I rubbed my ass until bloody even though it was pillowy soft, almost heavenly.
Sure Jan
uh, my time machine includes a commode. it's a time RV if you will. can't leave behind any time ecoli contaminants
Never fear. Bidets were invented in the late 1600s
when did they invent the bidet what doesn't make you scream cause the waters the right temprature
also i hear the ancient romans had those, so...
Rome had sponge on a stick I believe. Beats splinters, but not bidets.
Those were for cleaning the toilets, they look almost exactly like a modern toilet brush. The Roman’s wiped with their hands like most everyone else back then.
load more comments
(2 replies)
She'd be quite content in Ancient Rome.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Xylospongium
History is cyclical, not linear. You don't want to say "I'll not travel past this point" so much as "these are the radians I'm avoiding."
Fascinating there's disagreement over its usage, meaning the records aren't very good. Detailing the mundane is actually important.
I wouldn't want to be that scribe.
You think she’d be content with a communal ass wipe?
The US elected him twice, so I guess so.
So, to clarify, Trump is the communal ass sponge found in a Roman public toilet.
Trump? Huh, what do you know, I guess he is old enough to fit the part. It also might explain his pee fetish. And the Roman's were also known for being pedos... Oh yeah, then there's the whole homosexual "blowing Bubba" thing.
Wow it would be hard to argue against you on that one.
They washed the sponge. lol
Rinsing it out in the water is not quite the same as washing it.
Good thing they used vinegar then.
load more comments
(2 replies)
remember that damn rotary towel in the public bathrooms?
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(6 replies)
If you want to skip ahead a few centuries, you can get a Lexx toilet with a tongue.
No thanks, I use three seashells like a civilised person.
What's the second one for? I get the first and last but I never know what to do with the second one
Look at this guy, he doesn't even know how to use the three seashells.
Hope some day, we won't have to poop at all. They just implant the toilet directly into you, and no more worrying about bringing toilet paper.
I can get you another century and half, or so. If you're rich and in France or Italy.
Although no exact date or inventor is known. The earliest written reference to the bidet is in 1710 in France and latter in 1726 in Italy.
load more comments
(1 replies)
You wouldn't even be able to go back and kill baby Hitler
I mean killing adult hitler is much easier to morally justify
And much harder: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assassination_attempts_on_Adolf_Hitler
load more comments
(1 replies)
... or you could just go back in whatever time and not wipe, like probably everyone did at the time ... just don't shake any hands when you get there.
view more: next ›