this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Abyssian@lemmy.world 5 points 9 hours ago

"And why was God a swan?"

[–] Xeno@lemmy.zip 3 points 11 hours ago

“I baked you a pie, Mary”

[–] QueenHawlSera@piefed.social 40 points 1 day ago

Your underage wife

[–] wittymyusername@lemmy.zip 36 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Not just the ass, but the oxen and sheep, too!

[–] saltesc@lemmy.world 42 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Joseph. The most in-denial man in history.

[–] some_designer_dude@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 2 points 9 hours ago

* The OMG cuck

[–] ChairmanMeow@programming.dev 5 points 20 hours ago

Hey man don't kinkshame

[–] rockSlayer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 84 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (20 children)

Fun fact, the Nicine Creed exists because this question was a legitimate crisis of Christianity. The council of Nicaea determined that Jesus was not created by God but rather "begotten", meaning he was equivalent to God but not the same as God, and has existed for all eternity as part of God

[–] TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip 31 points 23 hours ago

JK Rowling level of world building

[–] SarahValentine@lemmy.blahaj.zone 86 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Yeesh,what an illustration of the goofy bullshit people make up to avoid fixing what's actually wrong with their belief systems...

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago (6 children)

Oh, sure. Mock Christianity. But no one bats an eye when Tolkien retcons half of The Hobbit and gives an excuse like "well the book is written by Bilbo and he lied at first".

[–] Passerby6497@lemmy.world 14 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

I don't remember anyone telling me that bilbo was the son of God, so I think we can hold different yardsticks here.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 5 points 11 hours ago

Well of course not. Samwise was the incarnation of all that is good, loyal, and holy. Bilbo was just a prophet.

[–] Kangae_Hishiryo@scribe.disroot.org 1 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

The difference is that, afaik, Christianity has people that believes that Bible is NOT fiction, while nobody thinks that The Hobbit is a historical book.

[–] Maroon@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

while nobody thinks that The Hobbit is a historical book.

...yet

[–] Kangae_Hishiryo@scribe.disroot.org 1 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

Well, I give you that point...

BUT I HAVE A BETTER ONE:

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 7 points 17 hours ago (2 children)

He also does say it's fiction, no?

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago

Most stories are fiction until some fool believes it hard enough.

[–] groet@feddit.org 0 points 11 hours ago

I dont think so. The hobbit+lord of the rings are "Tolkien's translation of the red book written by Bilbo and Frodo into English" (not a direct quote). Middle earth is our earth and our history.

I don't think he said "its real bro trust me" like the book of Mormon, but "its real in a fictional real world"

[–] Carl@anarchist.nexus 40 points 1 day ago

I mean, The Hobbit was primarily written to be a children’s bedtime story. The fact that adults latched onto it was sort of an accident. Tolkien was primarily a linguist, not a writer. He developed several fake languages, and wanted an excuse to use them. So he did a ton of world building, just to have a reason to write song lyrics in elvish and dwarven.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Allow me to introduce to you.....George Lucas.

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[–] bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 24 points 1 day ago

Once you've fucked the Holy Ghost you know where the magic happens. Definitely not with the village carpenter.

[–] Cum_Rag@fedinsfw.app 10 points 1 day ago

Sorry Joseph I have to cuck you with your virgin wife. I swear this isn't some fantasy of mine

[–] Danarchy@lemmy.nz 14 points 1 day ago (3 children)

When you cuckslurp after god you get certain powers and also sainthood

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 2 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

cuckslurp

I would have happily gone a few more days without ever having heard this expression.

[–] Danarchy@lemmy.nz 1 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Then you will probably feel the same about the related term “manbrosia”

[–] Jimbabwe@lemmy.world 1 points 19 minutes ago

Please do not elaborate.

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 2 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] raspberriesareyummy@lemmy.world 3 points 17 hours ago

As an atheist from what I picked up over the years: yes.

[–] X@piefed.world 7 points 1 day ago

Well shit, I sure fuckin hope so. Better be some dopeass fuckin primo certain powers, too, right up there with the motherfuckin seraphim and shit. None of that “shooting spaghetti out of my fingertips” horseshit. If you’re being rude, I can shoot a laser out of my cock.

[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 1 points 16 hours ago

Well maybe he couldn't the way he does it.

[–] SwingingTheLamp@piefed.zip 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Consistency? Nah! Kind of like Christianity is actually three belief systems in s trenchcoat.

[–] Axolotl_cpp@feddit.it 2 points 16 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

With some sprinkles of other religions traditions to convert everyone easly

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