this post was submitted on 29 Jul 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 111 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

Boss only found out when he forgot to jerk into his coffee and noticed it tasted off.

[–] plyth@feddit.org 18 points 3 weeks ago

Or he started liking asparagus.

[–] foo@feddit.uk 7 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

That's a good point. Did that boss never drink coffee from anywhere else? Surely they would know what a normal one would taste like.

[–] Zizzy@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

If its made black with higher quality, sure. If its low quality and milk and a bunch o lf creamer and more sugar, youre not going to be able to tell

"why is my black coffee so frothy today?"

[–] lyralycan@sh.itjust.works 40 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Some of the best puns for this meme include:

  • Fappucino
  • Cumpresso
  • Ejaculatte
  • Tastes nutty

I forgot to add this, my b >>

On a more sobering note, this guy's real crime is sexually harassing women. More so, the legal system didn't really work in his case.

Mugshot for proof. Also you can find news on him but most news sources are now "Your data, your choice: Accept cookies, or Reject cookies and pay a subscription fee" so this is the best I can do

[–] dreamkeeper@literature.cafe 7 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

It pisses me off how easy it is for these fucks to get away with it. All of the women I've been close to have stories about being assaulted, stalked or harassed, or all three. These men are a plague on society and should be locked away for a lot fucking longer than they are. Instead we often reward them.

[–] lyralycan@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 weeks ago

Same here. It's so commonplace it's terrifying. I transitioned physically after I became an adult, and I am lucky that I didn't grow up with the same chance of sexual abuse as cis women, but since then I have become fearful of walking at night alone, mainly because of the sheer danger women face by people who think it's their birthright to own everything and everyone they want.

My neighbour was stalked almost to her home a week ago. She carries a rape alarm in her hand because this isn't a rare occurrence.

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Its like those shows/films where they get you rooting for the protagonist early and then show you that you've been cheering for a monster.

[–] bryophile@lemmy.zip 8 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

At what point were you still cheering for this guy exactly?

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

Core concept in the OP. I've had about 15 different jobs, maybe 50 different bosses throughout my life, and so far theres been 2 that I didnt wish ill upon.

From just the OP headline its easy to imagine the boss had it coming.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 points 3 weeks ago

One downvote from a Boss.

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[–] Lon3star@lemmy.world 24 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 2 points 3 weeks ago

One pump one cream

[–] bizarroland@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

This demonstrates an incredible drive, a level of commitment that no one who is not being chased by inner demons can accomplish.

Any company would be Lucky to hire this guy to use that for their purposes (while he works from home)

[–] Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 weeks ago

Work form home

Wank in the office

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 weeks ago

Any company would be Lucky to hire this guy

"Can I tell you about our monthly subscription service?"

[–] deft@lemmy.wtf 20 points 3 weeks ago

My god what an absolute nutter

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

These days bosses always complain about a lack of dedication from their employees. And then they get this guy who shows some real dedication and they arrest him. SMH

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Exactly. I never want to hear someone say that nobody wants to work anymore again.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 8 points 3 weeks ago

I remember just before the pandemic just about every non-trade job in my area was hiring at minimum wage. I'd hear store owners say they're short staffed because nobody wants to work.

I said "How much do you start employees at?" And they'd say $7.10 per hour."

I said "At those wages, I imagine they don't want to work an adult job when Mcdonalds down the street hires for $8.00 an hour."

These small business owners never wanted to admit the problem. In those days, if he'd have said $12 an hour, I'd likely have applied.

[–] DrPop@lemmy.world 15 points 3 weeks ago

I'm thinking of the scene in South Park where they were selling Butter's goo as a sports drink. Randy goes to drink it and says ,"this is cum,". Implying Randy knows what cum taste like and no one figured it out.

[–] UltraMagnus0001@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago

How the fuck you buss a nut that easily, was the coffee cold and creamy?

[–] 5765313496@lemmy.world 12 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] nullspace@lemmy.world 5 points 3 weeks ago

Hon hon hon

*ejaculates in coffee*

[–] Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Lol i wonder if it became such a force of habit he didn't even realize what he was doing after a couple years -- imagining he got caught red-handed "what are you doing?!?" "Uh im uh getting boss their coffee uhhh yeah this looks weird uhh it's just a habit you know"

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 points 3 weeks ago

"This is how he takes his coffee, don't judge."

[–] FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago
[–] WanderWisley@lemmy.world 6 points 3 weeks ago

CUMppuccino

[–] custom_username@reddthat.com 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Suspects picture looks AI generated

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[–] henfredemars@infosec.pub 5 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Sauce please if true. I want this to be true.

[–] plyth@feddit.org 6 points 3 weeks ago

You can make it true.

[–] covert_czar@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 3 weeks ago

Better froth in cappuccino

[–] Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 3 weeks ago

So, both technically and rhetorically a wanker.

[–] anon_8675309@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

Looks guilty to me.

[–] trublu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 3 weeks ago

"These charges are bullshit. I missed a day every once in a while. Performance anxiety."

[–] TIEPilot@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

He burned around 7500 calories doing this...

[–] cheat700000007@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

So assuming 15min a session, x 250ish workdays removing holidays in the USA, x 4 years = 250 hours of getting paid to jerk off

[–] yakko@feddit.uk 6 points 3 weeks ago

Ain't no fifteen minute sesh spaffing all up a flat white, that's a four-minute joyless forcegasm.

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 4 points 3 weeks ago

He was trying to save the company money creamer.

[–] THE_GR8_MIKE@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

Type of post I scroll by and leave front and center on my phone at work without realizing what it says for 5 minutes.

[–] tigermountain@lemmy.world 3 points 3 weeks ago

Just like they were dating.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 3 points 2 weeks ago

He has no regrets.

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