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Not a woman here but coning from my wife: fuck yes, women enjoy sex and a lot of it. When she comes, she screams every time.
If sexual intercourse isn't pleasurable for you, or even painful, you may wnat to consult with a physician tonfigurr out what could cause your discomfort or pain, and to try and fix it
Sex is (and should be) awesome and amazing for everyone. I feel you're missing out on something wonderful and hope that you'll be able to fix this issue.
Beat wishes!
Yes. I am a woman and really enjoy sex. Less so when I was younger but it is not supposed to hurt, no. Two questions:
What happens when you put in a tampon?
Are you really very aroused before trying penetration?
Yes. Women do enjoy sex and you should try to make sure you do to. It's not uncommon for women to not enjoy sex right away for a number of reasons. First something like 75% of women can't come from penetration alone so you need to get more from yourself or your partner. Second some women don't reach their sexual peak to around 30 because they need to really understand themselves and unlearn the myths about sex not being pleasurable. So what do you need to do?
First, I would recommend reading / listening to the best / longest running sex and relationship podcast by Dan Savage. It's a great way to both get comfortable about hearing / thinking about sex is a positive way as well as learn about consent, advocating for pleasure as well as ways to communicate this. It's kink and sex positive so you might hear about things that are scary or off-putting that some people like around sex but that's good learning. You might even hear about things you didn't know you were interested in.
Second you need to become the expert on your own body and pleasure. Your partner shouldn't have to read your mind because they are focused on their own pleasure and might be as inexperienced as you are. So you need to masterbate and see what you like. Touch everywhere and everything you see what you enjoy. See what thoughts turn you on. If porn seems to give you the ick try female made porn from Erika Lust or some audio erotica from Dipsea. Lots of women and men have problem with mainstream porn point of view and might enjoy a different take on it. Also there are numerous smutty books out that you might enjoy. If you need some references OMGYes has real scientific information about what women do for pleasure that is supposed to be amazing. Urban Tantra has a chapter on erotic massage for Vulvas (it also has one Penises) with step by step instructions and pictures. You might not enjoy the spiritual / chakra / woo woo aspect but the rest is applicable.
You are doing great and have fun.
Edit: I can't believe I did a whole post about female pleasure and forgot Sex Toys. You might need a vibrator another clitoris stimulation toy. oh joy sex toy has tons of reviews as well as other resources on sex toys. If you want to go in person go to Smitten Kitten or Babeland if they are in your city. If not look to see if any sex toy shops have the words feminist, LGBTQIA+ friendly or gender inclusive near you.
Yes, women do very much enjoy sex. Pleasure and pain can be mixed in enjoyable ways during sex, but no, it is not normal to experience pain during sex, nor is it required. You have to be lubricated enough. At the doctor, they will use their own lubricant, but having a stranger examine you is one of the least sexy experiences out there, and they use a somewhat sharp, cold metal instrument to stretch and hold you open beyond what inserting a penis would do. So it is not surprising that it hurts and is uncomfortable. Sticking something inside yourself "cold" with no buildup or sexual desire will have a similar effect. It is not a pocket.
A few things:
Since it appears you have not had sex before and don't use sex toys very much, you probably still have your hymen intact. This is a membrane that will eventually be torn by inserting something. Sometimes this is a bit painful, sometimes it bleeds, sometimes you don't even notice. Once that is out of the way, you should be good to go.
Key word being "should". It is always possible that you have a condition such as vaginismus, which causes unusual pain. If so, there are types of physical therapy that can help or overcome it. Talk to your doctor if you are concerned. Tip: you may want to bring a man with you, even if it is your dad. Vagina stuff is often not taken seriously by doctors. It is dumb but I don't make the rules, just stating facts.
I used to think this and it took me far too long to realise that men aren't icky, I'm just a raging lesbian.
As another raging lesbian, I still think men are pretty icky. But they're bumbling around all this the same we are
Similar to other comments, that kinda sounds like vaginismus from what I've read of it. Obviously people have different preferences, but it's not supposed to be painful, assuming you're well-lubricated via foreplay or otherwise. It should be plenty wet inside and not dry. Things should slide right in and not be difficult to insert (important note: I do not have a vagina, this is just based on my sexual experience).
Plenty of people with vaginas don't particularly enjoy penetration for one reason or another (and plenty do), but actual physical pain is another matter, I think.
I'll add an asterisk to your statements. As a woman, things don't generally slide right in (ymmv), and usually there's still a little bit of intentionality to get to the good parts. Of course, something with tiny girth might slide in, but generally, phallic-type objects can still take a little work.
Yeah that's fair, I guess maybe it depends on your definition of "slide right in". I meant it as "there shouldn't be any signficiant resistance to insertion", which was qualified by needing lubrication/arousal for that to be the case. And I guess it should be further qualified that the thing being inserted should be lubricated as well.
But that being said, I am not a woman, so what I'm saying should certainly be taken with a grain of salt.
In my experience they do.
In case it wasn't mentioned already, consider looking into pelvic physical therapy. They specialize in this area and treat physical problems that cause pain during sexual activity, bodily functions, etc. I see one and it has helped me a lot!
My wife has had an issue with pain during penetration that turned out to be caused by the depo birth control shot. It's a rare side effect that no one told her about.
As a bottom I can give you one rule: penetrative sex of any kind is not supposed to be painful.
If it is then there's usually a diagnosable problem to fix. It's not always physical it can be really spiritual. I struggle with bottoming usually because I need to like the person I'm with enough to relax, it's called being demi-sexual.
I feel like tops of any sexuality don't really grok how intense of an experience it is to let someone into your own body such that when they're in they don't know how to respect what's in there. Sometimes it does get so intense that it comes out of your voice, sometimes for me at least it gets too intense and I'm not sure if it feels good or bad so I need my top to slow down and let me figure out how things got rearranged.
Lastly, porn recorded by total nobodys on a webcam or iPhone is just barely grazing the boundary of reality. So if you're not vocal, you don't scream, then you just don't like that just not you.
I probably have vaginismus and my experience with penetration is pretty similar to yours.
Cis women do enjoy and even seek out vaginal penetrative sex, I eventually realized. Part of how I figured out I was different was reading a thread of all the weird stuff women inserted while masturbating. I was suddenly like: "Oh! They must really want something up there! Look at the stupid, dangerous stuff they're doing to experience that!"
There are things you can do medically if you genuinely want that kind of sex, but it's useful to remember that sex isn't just penetration. You literally never have to be penetrated to have enjoyable sex. It can be tough to find a partner, since PIV is the end goal of sex for lots of people (as is their perogative), but the world is also full of other types of people.
As for vocalization, the "oh fuck" (doc, it's like sandpaper ripping me in half) and "oh fuck" (I'm having an overwhelming but positive physical sensation) are pretty different kinds of yells, and generally sound pretty different. Like people don't cry just out of sadness, you know?
Op, look into this. Vaginismus defines your symptoms. I was with a woman who had it. It affects like 5% of women, and it makes (penetrative) sex feel painful and unpleasant.
We found other ways to be intimate. Id go down on her for hours. We'd masturbate together and bring toys. We even went to sex clubs and explored other ways to get off.
Yes, women in general enjoy sex, and not because they like pain (although some like that too, but that's not relevant to your post). I've had the feeling of penetration described to me like a very satisfying pressure, no pain involved at all.
See your doctor. Your vagina can dilate far enough to give birth, the average penis should (taking into account enough foreplay, arousedness and no medical or anxiety issues) really not hurt.
Vaginismus, Endometriosis, Stress, Anxiety, not enough natural lubrication or the need for dilatation are the most common issues, but there are other less common things that can lead to pain. Nearly all of them can be overcome, especially if you have a partner worth keeping.
NEVER let anyone gaslight into thinking your pain isn't real or no big deal. Pain is a very complex reaction that consists of a sensory input and the interpretation in your brain as painful - noone can decide for you what should or shouldn't hurt. I was a long time chronic pain patient, and after the surgeons told me that they couldnt do anymore for me and the painkillers didn't help, i was able to slowly rewire my brain with the help of a fantastic physical therapist. i had been in pain for so long that my brain simply interpreted every sensory input in the affected body parts as pain.
If i was able to get rid of the pain that was crippling me for years, you can do the same. And the sooner you start doing something against it, the easier it will be - don't try to wait this one out.
I swear I saw exactly that post a few weeks ago...
Same, seems vaginismus is a common thing
Have you had pleasure from other types of stimulation, other than penetrative?
You should definitely see a doctor about this because it does sound like a problem.
But,
It's also possible you just don't like sex. You might be on the asexual spectrum. Your vagina might be reacting like this because you just don't want to fuck. Or maybe you'll fix the medical issue, be able to fuck, and then decide you don't like it. Nobody can know if that's gonna happen but you.
Talk to the doctor, figure out what the problem is. But please don't feel pressured to enjoy sex. If that ain't you, well it doesn't have to be. Besides, there's lots of ways to have a fun naughty time other than penetration.
Your vagina might be reacting like this because you just don't want to fuck
Yes, arousal does seem to reduce pain, this is just a somewhat insensitive way to put it. Finally someone mentioned asexuality, as opposed to lesbianism, which definitely wouldn't stop OP from enjoying sex.
Just a heads up to OP: it's none of our business what arouses you unless you want to discuss it, the "you're gay" comments are very inappropriate and should be reported. I'm not asking or making conjectures about your sexuality but be aware that lust and pleasure from sex is a normal sensation in most people regardless of gender. Willingness to participate in sex (or masturbation) and the resulting sensation is dependent on the gender of your (imaginary) partner, technique etc. and there are safe ways to experiment. Bodily responses can often be adjusted with therapy: if you're not satisfied, ask a doctor; for example, feeling overwhelming pain is not healthy and you should stop and look for different techniques or exercise to reduce the adverse reaction.
My wife initiates sex quite often
I assume she likes it
I made a snarky comment but after reading the body I realize you're a female OP.
Go see a doctor. Yes women do enjoy sex and if it's painful or uncomfortable you might need to get something checked out.
I have screamed uncontrollably from pleasure until I lost my voice. It was too much but my partner refused to stop because they knew exactly what they were doing and no safeword was said. I like pain, I like pleasure, I like sex. Sometimes it starts as pain and becomes pleasure, sometimes it's the other way around, sometimes it goes back and forth.
If you aren't having fun, you aren't having fun. Though, sometimes, vocalizing at all is a flood gate.
There are conditions where sex is painful that exist for both genders. Vaginismus is maybe 6% for women and phimosis is maybe 3% for men. Numbers on these things are tough to get as many people suffer them quietly thinking they are normal.
If you or your partner experience issues it is important to know you are not alone and you have choices. That said some folks also just do not enjoy sex. Many certainly do, regardless of gender or physicallity.
If you are having issues and you don't want to, I would advise talking with someone you trust and also seeing a doctor. It is good to get a few viewpoints on issues like this as sometimes they can be dismissed.
Also, if you’re being examined, they tell you to take deep breaths, as if they know that anything going up is going to be painful
Most people would need a mood to be set to enjoy sex or to be ready to receive something. Think this applies for women and for men who partake in anal sex.
By that I mean they need to get turned on to feel like having intercourse, because yeah, intercourse is strenuous and requires your body to be in a specific mode. For a penis inserter, getting turned on is a much simpler affair and can happen in a matter of about 1 second.
Lastly, women often scream during sex.
I don't know if they do to be honest. A lot of pornstars do, hahaha - they're paid to ham it up and overall they give an unrealistic view of how sex works. (Once upon a time the main watchers of porn would be people who hadn't had it yet. Possibly still the case)
Uhh despite my initial dismissal, i'll suggest this: some people might do it because sex can be akin to tickling, where your nervous system gives you mixed messages or gets overloaded. And, some women exist who grossly exaggerate their "noises" during sex, believing it makes it more fun or gives an ego boost to the husband. It probably can make it more fun for both parties, but the authentic noises - no matter how quiet they are compared to screams - are great as well.
Can't really speak for the experience of having a vagina but if it hurts so much that you don't ever feel like having sex, and haven't self stimulated in any way, talk to a doctor about it?
I'm a guy, so I can't truly say first-hand. However...
I know that my current girlfriend (27F) has what I think would be considered " vaginismus ", which is a condition where she finds penetrative sex extremely difficult, due to some combination of fear and (at least anticipation of) pain. Basically she has a visceral panic/pain reaction to even the idea of having something inserted into her vagina, and that is followed pretty quickly with an emotional follow-up in which she wells up and feels abnormal and generally bad about herself.
To be honest I haven't had a ton of sexual partners, and this was not even something that I was aware existed before starting my relationship with her. She has even gone so far as to tell me that it's OK if I want to find someone else to have sex with if it's something that I need, but I don't feel good about that and I feel that she's only saying it because she is worrying about me having my needs met... She does masturbate and uses a vibrator to do it in a "shallow" way. She has considered herself asexual at times, which I fully respect, but I also think may be something of a coping mechanism, considering her problem goes beyond sex and into other parts of her relationship with her own body, for example visiting an gynecologist or even just putting a tampon in!
Personally, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this concept, and even though we've talked about it at length I'm not 100% sure whether this is a manifestation of physical pain, or psychological phobia, or both.
I want to be understanding to her and we're working through it together, but it is difficult for both of us to navigate on an emotional level. I should add that we're both kinky, and so we have other ways of enjoying "sex" with each other that are not penetrative vaginal sex, and that she is starting therapy for this condition. I really love and care about her, and I want to support her and give her the time and space she needs to figure this stuff out. I've done some reading into it, naturally, but as a guy it feels basically unknowable to me!
She's generally a functional adult but maybe somewhat autistic, and her feelings from this range from embarrassment and shame to pain and self-hatred... so she isn't always the best at putting her precise words to her feelings. I have asked her if she has had a history of sexual abuse or trauma, and she said "no". To be honest, she has had some strange ideas about men and sex in the past, referring to sex as "inherently violent" and likening the penis to a "stabbing" weapon. She has had a history of dabbling in lesbianism and is well-educated in various waves of feminism, and hasn't ever had a boyfriend before me. My understanding is that she has had this mental/physical block for her whole life, even to the point of getting extremely anxious and passing out in sex ed class, or something along those lines.
So, that's a long way of saying, "no, not all women enjoy sex", in my experience. 😔
I honestly wish I could say it was somehow my fault--like, I wish it was just because I am terrible at sex. 😂 Because that would make it so much simpler... My girlfriend is a sweet and loving person, and it really makes me sad to think that she has such a deeply painful and antagonistic relationship with her own body and sexuality. It really makes me sad to know that she can't even put a tampon in without having an intense emotional reaction.
I imagine that she's not alone in this either, and that there are women all over the world who share this experience, even though it's not something that's commonly talked about. I don't know if your experience is similar or not, but if it is, then please know that you've not alone!
Anyway, sorry for the long rambling comment, but I guess I've been looking for an outlet to talk about this stuff...