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Now that I present more queer with my head shaved and some of my clothing choices, men are more forward about sexualizing other women around me. Thinking I’ll join in or agree. I do internally, because women are generally quite attractive, but it’s weird to be treated like one of the boys sometimes lol
Dag, I've been guilty of this, with female coworkers I know are lesbians. Is that weird? To be like "check out the girl over there in the green top"?
It varies person to person, in my experience. Some straight dudes are also uncomfortable with this "guy talk". And some bi and gay chicks will do it so much it makes me uncomfortable lol
Straight guy here. Would definitely make me uncomfortable.
I don't think so, you're just sharing something with someone you know has the same interests. I doubt you'd start catcalling together.
Other men don't really realize that men have different tastes.
I'm not really ugly, but I'm not conventionally attractive either, and it's hard to get men who are super into me to realize that most men aren't. A lot of dudes who think I am cute have it in their heads I live this easy life being showered with gifts by suitors.
Ha, same. I have always called it "minority attractive" because most guys would not be into me, but there is an enthusiastic subset who are.
I don't think I was ever ugly enough to lose the beauty privilege though, if that makes sense. The bar is not set that high. What I am now is older, though, which starts to work the same way. It gets more difficult to get hired, people don't see you as much. Lower on the totem pole of priority. I'm ok with it, had sort of a duck-to-swan progression already, back to duck is ok.
Whenever I start to feel bad for losing my youthful looks (and for gaining weight since then), I think back to what it was like being a skinny 20 year old. Yeah, no, I'm okay with being ignored. It's nice to walk down the street without random cars honking at me.
Every time these sorts of questions get posted about xyz attractiveness and people respond saying they are or aren't attractive, I'm always like "I wanna know what this person looks like". Not in, like, a horny way - but just for my own edification to know where they are coming from.
So when you made this comment, I clicked on your profile on the offchance you had a picture of yourself.
"Porno artist".
YES! My curiosity will be satisfied!!
Scrolls down
...
scrolls some more
....
Goddammit, it's just Resident Evil cartoon porn
I am confused. You're assuming porno artists mostly draw themselves...?
I think self-portaiture is an art, apparently
I think I know of maybe one porno artist that draws herself? It's not common. You'd have to be comfortable doxxing yourself to an increasingly puritan internet, for one
I love being older because i can give compliments - nice shirt, cool glasses, etc.- and they just say thank you and don't assume I'm flirting. It's more just human to human. That's my perception anyway.
I'm fat and usually wearing a mask so even if my face is nice the fat overrides it and one thing I find annoying is if I compliment men they will always immediately look me up and down, write me off, and then be pissed I complimented them because they don't want to fuck me. "...thaaanks" they go. Like it's an insult my fat ass complimented them. Women just appreciate my compliments (there's been a few who didn't but it's much much muuuuch rarer). Let me fucking compliment your watch without thinking I'm hitting on you you dingus!!!
You sure they werent just looking for cameras?
Cause any time a woman approaches me in public (which isnt very often, before i sound like some bragging fool), especially if its to say something nice/complimentary, my immediate thought is someones trying to record my reaction to put on some tiktok bullshit video.
I dont even register their appearance, I just quickly look for the Camera, mutter something quietly, and get the fuck away as quick as I can.
Not tryin to say assholes don't exist, there is an overabundance of assholes in the world afterall.
It's not a look of suspicion. It's a look a lot of women will know. "Is this person worth my time" sort of look. "Do I consider this person attractive enough to consider human". I'm not articulating this well. And the response isn't bewilderment, it's disgust.
I've had people say nice things to me when I was younger only to laugh in my face when I thanked them so I do know what that's like.
Or could they be looking for what you want? A lot of us almost never get compliments so our first thought is what do you want from me.
That is a different response. I've gotten that as well and my answer is "I just want to give compliment! Have a nice day!" Then I leave. This is not that response.
seriously. the only time strange women ever approach me and compliment me it's to sell me something.
usually it's to ask me to join their church/cult.
One guy told me I was so ugly my face would make a train take a dirt road. Men don’t realize how poorly it reflects on themselves to be so cruel.
I hope you said thank you, Mr. dirt road.
But that would be an awful comeback? The train is still preferring the dirt road.
I was thinking if the train hit this guy, it'd be the end of that lineage
I'm honestly grateful that my appearance repels creepy men but welcomes queer folk
I can help since I used to be fat! There are a lot of misogynists out there and they don't make the effort to hide it around women they don't want to fuck. Either we're invisible or we're the punching bag.
Im a dude, but I lost weight in college and panicked when a couple girls in my friend group were suddenly all touchy and treating me like the dudes they were in to. It wasn't sudden, but them all noticing I lost weight did happen all at once with one person noticing it. I panic gained weight, just started munching everyday like I used to, I still don't know why. Barely starting to lose weight again years later. Maybe I was scared that every look based validation thing I was told was bs and personality is what really mattered wasn't actually true for most people. I'm not gonna lie and say I pick purely personality > looks, it's definitely looks first with personality being the final decider so It's not like I was upset with them or anything. Just freaked me out experiencing it firsthand.
Sometimes I wish I could just go away somewhere for a year to not be perceived while I lose weight and get used to it.
If someone tells me I lost weight and I feel they are treating me better than before, I'm binge eating the next week
"Consider themselves" is an interesting phrase. I know there are women (and others) who think of themselves as objectively unattractive, but I think the majority of us simply recognize the way we are treated by others. There are times I think of myself as pretty or cute, but I recognize that being fat makes me considered unattractive by societal standards.
Anyway, as a result of those standards, I have never been approached by a man. I have had relationships with men, but I've always been the initiator, including online. And I've been told on lemmy that I'm clearly wrong because all women are drowning in attention from men. Which is just another way of saying people like me aren't really women.
You know that meme of the guy leaning back during gaming and then leaning forward once the game get intense? This is me with this post.
I've always been in that weird space of apparently hella attractive to some and then the complete polar opposite to others, so I've experienced both.
[With shitty people] there's the creepy favouritism, where I'm singled out and expected to be the sexual fantasy and they're willing to try and manipulate me into getting it. And then on the other side of the coin, there's the performative cruelty to make sure everyone in the vicinity can see just how unattractive this person finds me.
Either way, if I have to interact with these people, they're going to make my life difficult.
I've always been in that weird space of apparently hella attractive to some and then the complete polar opposite to others, so I've experienced both.
I'm a man, but in a similar boat. In terms of physical appearance I've been unconventionally attractive/ugly hot most of my adult life. The way some people react to, like, Adam Driver or Benedict Cumberbatch or Cillian Murphy.
It took my entire 20's to learn to steer my dating life towards wanting to be with people who already found me attractive rather than trying to convince someone to find me attractive, and finally learning to deal with higher rejection rates than the typical person, while sorting through the people who found me to be ugly, without necessarily knowing in advance who would be in which category.
I also learned that there were people who were embarrassed at their own preference of finding me attractive, and that was its own minefield. Or those who wanted more external validation of their choice in me and didn't necessarily find it in their friends who thought I was ugly.
I came out of that roller coaster of a decade for the better, and ended up picking up from that experience a certain amount of confidence, the kind that says "I already know I'm attractive whether you think so or not," and having less patience for certain types of relationship insecurities, either from myself or my partner.
And then I met my wife shortly after that revelation. She still teases me that I have the confidence of a much taller man (a riff on a 30 Rock line we both love), but I don't think I could've gotten her attention if I didn't learn lessons from a series of failed relationships.
Some are obviously irritated at my presence. Like, sorry for existing. I’m just your supervisor, so I have to teach you shit for you to grow and make more money.
Like it might just be the autism but in general I think I get indifference or disinterest. There are definitely men who just don't like me but I assume it's not because they think I'm ugly. At least I hope not lol. Still, that's very much a them problem 🤷♀️
I don't think I've experienced outright cruelty at least none that impacted me. I don't flirt or shoot my shot really so that might be the main reason why I'm not experiencing anything too negative.