Ask Lemmy

I'm 56 and in all my years there is only one conversation I would like to redo and that was when I was 17.

My eldest brother was in another state helping his dad fix up a house. He called home around midnight and was going on about how I should take care of myself and a bunch of other stuff, he was mentally ill and it was obvious he had gone off his meds. He kept calling till like 3 in the morning and I was sick of hearing it and just wanted to go to sleep so I could make it to work in the morning.

So last time he calls he is going on for 15 min or so about "hey 1d10 don't worry about anything, dad will take care of it, my dad will take care of it" so I kinda snaped and said "good, can I sleep now? I hung up the phone and went to sleep, less then a hour later my mom wakes me up to tell me my brother killed himself.

I didn't go to work that morning, I didn't go to work for a year. I just went fishing. My brother loved fishing and always tried to get me to go but I didn't fish and never went with him. After the funeral I took his fishing gear and went fishing almost every day from dawn to dusk for an entire year.

When I said "I do" at the altar during my wedding.

I said something mean to a big guy at school when I was 14, just because I thought it was funny. I recall the hurt, sad look on his face and felt instant shame and regret. That was 34 years ago, and the memory still occasionally pops up in my mind. I wasn't even trying to bully the guy—I was just trying to be funny to mask my own insecurities.

I don't know about taking back something I've said. I've said some pretty stupid and horrible things over the years, and that was pretty stupid and horrible of me. But, like, that's reality, you know? The past is the baseline for the future.

When I casually said to my dying partner in the nursing home "I look forward to when life is back to normal."

By that stage I had been 'living' with her in the palliative room for about two months I think. (They had no limit on visiting hours so I took a fold up bed and only left twice a week for showers.)

Her reply "are you trying to make me cry" stays with me for ever.

When the waitress said “Enjoy your meal” and I responded “You too.”

There's been too many. At this point taking back one would just make another more glaring. I'm just like this. Starting EMDR on Monday and hoping they'll be able to program out the random crippling guilt over literally everything.

Easily that time I said no to a threesome out of some stupid sense of duty to her ex/a "buddyof mine." In mπy 20s, everyone was my buddy.

When my kid was growing up I told him "Look, life is like levelling up in an RPG. Your first job is going to suck. Your first car is going to suck. Your first house is going to suck. Just recognize that and work through it, it will get better..."

Well... his first job was straight to Intel.
His first car was a new Lexus.
His first house is a million dollar home on a hill.

He's out there now making the AIs that freak everyone out.

I do.

"Help me."

I wish I had my current experience of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time 20 years ago. But how do you learn without fucking up?

Answering my own question: "You've become a fascist, despite how I raised you. I don't want anything more to do with you." Said to my son, who is now 24 years old. I'm planning to reconnect with him at his grandfather's 80th birthday in a few months. I won't excuse his behavior or condone it, but hopefully I can reconnect enough that we can agree to disagree.

I'd probably take back a dozen of wrong things I've said to one of my exes, including the one at the time when I broke up with her on, of all days - valentine's day.

On the one hand, the thinly-veiled homophobic joke in front of a bunch of dudes who I had no idea were gay is something I'd like to take back, but on the other, if I hadn't done that, I might not have taken steps to be a better person since then.

This does not mean I'm the best I could be, but because of that and a few other things, the fact I'm not bothers me a lot more.

(If you want to know how the initial scenario panned out, it was awkward. They didn't explain why they weren't laughing, and then later introduced me to one of their more flamboyant friends. I was polite and confused at what was going on, which lead them to understand that I was just ignorant, not actually hateful. It took me a lot longer than it should have to put it all together.)

I shouted at my partner yesterday. I’d take that back.

I was trying to serve dinner and she decided that’s when she needed to start cleaning stuff. She complains why did I call her over if dinner isn’t ready, except it is ready, the stove is off, the food is cooked — I just physically cannot move the food to the plates because she’s decided to clean in front of the stove and I don’t want to scald her with a hot pan. If she wasn’t there, the food would be on the plates, but I’m stuck.

I just need the kitchen clear for 20 more seconds. I don’t know why loading the dishwasher or bending over at the front of the stove to wipe the floor is urgent, and it’s that combination of “why did you call me if dinner isn’t ready, I’ll come back when it’s ready” mixed with the only reason it’s not served is her placement inside the kitchen that frustrates me so much. And it feels like she doesn’t acknowledge that she plays a role here, and that makes me so angry.

I did apologize but it still makes it feel like I don’t appreciate her, and I do.

Is that today, yesterday, or ever?

Because that’s a lot. Shit, there are a lot of comments here I’d take back.

People make mistakes. It’s a huge part of being human.

Not a thing i've said but i'd redo the entire meet up with the girl 9 years ago. It was so akward and weird because well 13 year old be akward around his crush in his bed and forgot condoms for the "sex meet up"