this post was submitted on 13 May 2026
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[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 158 points 5 days ago (4 children)

Mark woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on his blinds, cascading over his naked posterior. He stretched, his flanks lifting with his glutes as he greeted the sun. He rolled out of bed and put on compression shorts, the sinews of his haunches prominently showing through the thin fabric. He bottomed buttingly to the stairs, and derriered downwards.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 60 points 5 days ago (1 children)

That last line is incredible.

[–] Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 99 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Thanks! It's all just adapted from the original:

Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 31 points 5 days ago

Haha, I thought it sounded a little familiar.

[–] samus12345@sh.itjust.works 14 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Doing something buttingly sounds more amusing than doing it boobily.

[–] anomnom@sh.itjust.works 6 points 5 days ago

Fits with the werewolf joke. But when our dog does it we call it bum scooting.

[–] reksas@sopuli.xyz 4 points 4 days ago

its even funnier if you know finnish. there is a word in finnish that is about that and it means something a kin to fooling around/doing something badly (perseily)

[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 30 points 5 days ago

Gay men writing men!

[–] FishFace@piefed.social 8 points 5 days ago

A furry wrote this

[–] MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago (1 children)

if you trade the compression shorts to a towel around his waist, you can sayHis penis bounced penisly down the stairs

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

Oops my penis! Will someone get that for me before it gets out the door?

I swear it's worse than the cats

[–] Aqarius@lemmy.world 93 points 5 days ago (1 children)

"He vampired billionairely across the room, his sweetly-softcore rapey vibes engulfed her small feminine self-inserty hair, she looked exactly like [you, the girl reading this], and he was very vampirey and mysterious"

[–] BigDiction@lemmy.world 22 points 5 days ago

Very mysterious indeed. I often ponder what runs through his mind.

Vampire Fantasy Football League

[–] groucho@retrolemmy.com 59 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Dan Brown writing men: "He had steely grey eyes and was very smart. Scientists thought he was an idiot but that's because he was smarter than them and didn't spend as much time writing papers. He did four hundred pushups and took a shower. 'Not bad for a fifty five year-old guy', he thought, which was smarter than other thoughts even if those thoughts had won prizes."

[–] pyre@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago

that's hilarious

[–] Siethron@lemmy.world 24 points 5 days ago (3 children)

You'd think being a Billionaire would be a turn OFF in this day and age.

Are people reading this erotica unironically class traitors?

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[–] RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 59 points 5 days ago (2 children)

His pecs bounced pecily as he swung his football bat.

[–] Aneb@lemmy.world 7 points 5 days ago

Foot-long bat* Some call it a third leg but me

[–] OldChicoAle@lemmy.world 4 points 5 days ago

Damn that's hot

[–] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 30 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (11 children)

I'll admit I have never thought about it before now.

what I'd never thought about before now

If a man were to transform into a werewolf... would his dick transform into a canine one?

[–] Winged_Hussar@lemmy.world 55 points 5 days ago

Hopefully

I mean, probably

[–] orenj@leminal.space 16 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago)

Take a look at bad dragon's werewolf line, you'll find your answer

[–] ech@lemmy.ca 12 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Depends on who is drawing the furry porn and why.

[–] OwOarchist@pawb.social 3 points 5 days ago

If you draw your werewolves with human-like dicks, can you even call yourself a furry?

[–] vzqq@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 5 days ago (1 children)

That’s the point of transforming, yeah? You get a wolf nose, wolf ears, wolf paws, and yes, all the rest of the anatomy.

[–] couldhavebeenyou@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 days ago

In France, they call it le buttox

[–] ParlimentOfDoom@piefed.zip 8 points 5 days ago (1 children)

I think this very much depends on where on the spectrum of the type of werewolf he falls. Are we taking Wolf-man basically just hairy guy with claws type, a monstrous bipedal wolf creature, or all the way to turning into a full fledged normal wolf but smart...

[–] AFKBRBChocolate@lemmy.ca 4 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Can we agree that even the first one would transform at least a little?

[–] OwOarchist@pawb.social 3 points 5 days ago

Yes, but 90% of that would just be the pubes growing completely out of control.

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 5 days ago

Of course, that’s one of the biggest draws to werewolf dude: Thicc knot!

Depends on the author/artist

No his dick transforms into a tiny werewolf in a trenchcoat and fedora. It's really quite adorable.

[–] CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works 5 points 5 days ago

What is weirder?

  • werewolf with a human dick
  • human with a canine dick
[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 5 points 5 days ago

Depends on what kind of werewolf.

Some weres look exactly like a normal wolf, and others are part human-part beast.

[–] tacosanonymous@mander.xyz 5 points 5 days ago

Ali Hazelwood would say, "Yes."

[–] HulkSmashBurgers@reddthat.com 26 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Isn't this basically what romantasy is about?

No. Where are the allosauruses. Allosaurii. Allosaurids. Dammit.

[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 24 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Expected a mirror to 'breasted boobily down the stairs,' but nope, monster fucker alignment chart.

[–] CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social 13 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Putting robots and furries on oppose ends of the spectrum seems odd given the sheer popularity of robotic and cybernetic characters in the furry fandom. Like, placing a protogen on that chart would get confusing.

[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 10 points 5 days ago

Chuck E Cheese is right on there, in the robot fucker super structure.

[–] groucho@retrolemmy.com 3 points 4 days ago

Odo, centaurs, and the Grinch just standing in the middle trying to avoid eye contact with each other.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 19 points 5 days ago
[–] kurcatovium@piefed.social 11 points 5 days ago (2 children)

We need to focus on important things! Is that penis perfectly sized in a human or a wolf form?

[–] couldhavebeenyou@lemmy.zip 5 points 5 days ago (1 children)
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[–] HulkSmashBurgers@reddthat.com 4 points 5 days ago

I'm guessing…both?

[–] IWW4@lemmy.zip 9 points 5 days ago

Well.. that was a rollercoaster!

HAHAHAHA

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