Every time you think this timeline can't get any more nonsensical and inane, it throws a "Steven Seagal is a gun runner for Russia" curve ball at you.
this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2026
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So why isn't he in the Trump cabinet?
His ego didn't fit through the door.
Seagal's wikipedia page reads like he's in the running for biggest shitbag actor award.
Seagal’s wikipedia page reads like he’s in the running for biggest shitbag actor award.
Emphasis added for clarity.
Hey man, he sometimes stands up in his latest movies.
SFX have gotten so good that you can barely hear the grunting.
Wouldn't even have to use SFX to be convincing. Just dump a few hundred pounds of dog shit on a little trolley, put a stupid toupee on top, and wheel it around slowly on some rope. Nobody would tell the difference.
I'm trying to imagine this, but my mind keeps showing me Steven Seagal...
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Seagal’s wikipedia page reads like he’s in the ~~running~~ [slow shuffling walk] for biggest shitbag actor award.
Corrected method of movement.
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Have you seen him lately? He hasn’t run for anything in a long time. It’s actually funny if you watch his later movies, he’s mostly sitting down through the whole thing.
What the hell happened to him? Wasn't he like a martial arts guy for real in the 80s?
He was never as great a martial artist as he thought he was (just ask Gene LeBell), but he at least used to be... you know... mobile.
He got old. And soft. And round.
That was 40 years ago
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Behind the bastards (podcast) had a good two part episode on him.
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How has this rancid bratwurst not ended up in the Trump administration by this point?
And give up his position in Putin's administration? No way.
Eh, Putin's in charge of both anyway, so there's not much difference.
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He's too busy attending Putin's parades, which is something he literally does
He outranks trump already.
Maybe he doesn't like kids 🤷♀️
Hey I'm going you need you to be more respectful of bratwursts here.
The OG gravey seal.
My first aikido masters were former students of Sensei Fat. They refused to speak of it. He must have been a real piece of work, even then.
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Fat vampire
The traitor and sack of shit should be on the frontlines.
Why can't we (as in civil society) drone bomb steven seagal?
Anyone got a link to that video where he's fighting and older, but all of his opponents are falling down with barely any effort? It wasn't a movie but a dojo setting from what I remember.
No, the one I remember seeing he's all fat and bloated and stationary in a white gui. Opponents are running at him and he's barely doing anything, but the people running at him are obviously taking a fall. Maybe I imagined it all.
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Top comment lol:
Unfortunately, people don't voluntarily flip over on the real world.
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Why would Seagal need weapons?
To defend the VantaBlack he's spraying on his head
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Imagine being such a shitty dictator that you have to hang out with the likes of 2020s Steve Seagal 😂
What the hell is going on with his hair?
It's fake as fuck and he decided to go for the lupin the third look.
It's 3D printed
It's Lego
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Do we know the status of Steven Seagal's nuclear program?
I've heard he's weeks away from having a nuclear bomb.
He is an expert in slap-fighting, sit-down style. "Everybody was slap-sit fighting".
I'm gonna take you to the bank, Senator Trent. 😑 To the BLOOD BANK.
🤣
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