ALT Text: Scene is WAITROSE. Behind it is a staff member, whose name we will soon learn is BECKY. She is dealing with a customer, for now out of shot, while talking to her manager on the phone.
BECKY [on phone]: Yeah, hiya...
2 BECKY: Yes I have a customer here who wants to complain about the Easter eggs.
3 BECKY [putting hand over receiver while addressing the customer stood at the desk in front of her]: Sorry what was your name again?
4 [Pull back to show the customer is a very tall, green-skinned, PAGAN GODDESS, festooned with flowers. Stood next to her is her son, a normal human teenager in a hoodie, who looks mortified by his mum.]
PAGAN GODDESS: Eostre the Pagan Goddess of Fertility
5 BECKY Sorry - Your name is Easter…?
PAGAN GODDESS: Eostre.
6
[Vicky pauses, trying to take this in].
VICKY: Your name is Easter and you want to complain about the Easter eggs.
7 PAGAN GODDESS: Sorry love, what’s your name?
BECKY: Becky
PAGAN GODDESS: Well, Vicky -
8 PAGAN GODDESS: If it was you who’d shagged the solar god of the Equinox to give birth to an actual living god - my son Darren here -
TEENAGE BOY: Muuum…
9 PAGAN GODDESS: ….only to have all your efforts totally forgotten by history, you’d have a complaint too!
10 PAGAN GODDESS: Aisle four is full of products, with no hint of the true meaning of the festival!
11 BECKY: You mean… Jesus…?
PAGAN GODDESS: I mean shagging, Vicky.
12 PAGAN GODDESS: Is it too much to see just a little bit of pre-Christian sex in Aisle 4?
