ALT Text: Scene is WAITROSE. Behind it is a staff member, whose name we will soon learn is BECKY. She is dealing with a customer, for now out of shot, while talking to her manager on the phone.
BECKY [on phone]: Yeah, hiya...
2 BECKY: Yes I have a customer here who wants to complain about the Easter eggs.
3 BECKY [putting hand over receiver while addressing the customer stood at the desk in front of her]: Sorry what was your name again?
4 [Pull back to show the customer is a very tall, green-skinned, PAGAN GODDESS, festooned with flowers. Stood next to her is her son, a normal human teenager in a hoodie, who looks mortified by his mum.]
PAGAN GODDESS: Eostre the Pagan Goddess of Fertility
5 BECKY Sorry - Your name is Easter…?
PAGAN GODDESS: Eostre.
6
[Vicky pauses, trying to take this in].
VICKY: Your name is Easter and you want to complain about the Easter eggs.
7 PAGAN GODDESS: Sorry love, what’s your name?
BECKY: Becky
PAGAN GODDESS: Well, Vicky -
8 PAGAN GODDESS: If it was you who’d shagged the solar god of the Equinox to give birth to an actual living god - my son Darren here -
TEENAGE BOY: Muuum…
9 PAGAN GODDESS: ….only to have all your efforts totally forgotten by history, you’d have a complaint too!
10 PAGAN GODDESS: Aisle four is full of products, with no hint of the true meaning of the festival!
11 BECKY: You mean… Jesus…?
PAGAN GODDESS: I mean shagging, Vicky.
12 PAGAN GODDESS: Is it too much to see just a little bit of pre-Christian sex in Aisle 4?
Think of all of the millions that Christians butchered over this... then, they destroyed every single trace of any other religion, erasing centuries of cultural history.
Today, Catholics alone own over 170 million acres of land, much of it stolen from those same people, and they enjoy tax-free status all over the world. Horrifying.