Ah shit. Sorry, I was stabbing someone. Guess I donβt get that coffee. π
this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
519 points (97.6% liked)
Lemmy Shitpost
39152 readers
4360 users here now
Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.
Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!
Rules:
1. Be Respectful
Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.
Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.
...
2. No Illegal Content
Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.
That means:
-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals
-No CSA content or Revenge Porn
-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)
...
3. No Spam
Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.
-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.
-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.
-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers
-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.
...
4. No Porn/Explicit
Content
-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.
-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.
...
5. No Enciting Harassment,
Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts
-Do not Brigade other Communities
-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.
-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.
-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.
...
6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.
-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.
...
If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.
Also check out:
Partnered Communities:
1.Memes
10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)
Reach out to
All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
If you're stabbing a bad guy then you're still eligible for the coffee.
Everybody who stabs people thinks they're the bad guys.
I stabbed myself so I don't actually get to pedantically ask whether it is the stabber or stabee that is considered the baddie :(
schrΓΆdinger's baddie
Usually when I do that it's more like who's the klutz.
Does your uniform have skulls on it?
thank you. this gave me the motivation I needed to stop scrolling on my phone in bed and to instead scroll on my phone from the can
with coffee
Ya can't stop progress!
(and by progress, we meant substance dependency)
I can stop anytime I want!
...my happiness is just dependent on me not wanting that.
I don't drink coffee. What alternative rewards are available to me for being kinda awake & reading words & not stabbing anyone?
Tea?
Chocolate
Aah yes chocolate is a lovely reward for not stabbing anyone.
Also a good preventative.
I'm all out of chocolate and I've got a plethora of knives. *Opens used knife stand. $2 Dollar knives or a chocolate bar!
As a coffee preferer myself, I think if you have tea you'd be allowed a compensatory biscuit.
Can I at least stab someone a little bit?
Isnβt being stabbed a binary condition? Like being pregnant. Youβre either stabbed or youβre not.
It did say "probably"! I think that's your loophole. Just pick a "Vic #1" type target.
(As in whodunnits where everyone has a motive to kill THAT guy)
Apollo teasing just the tip.
Then stabbing your fucking eyeballs while trying to get coffee.
Thank you Maxxus, it's been a long night and you just made facing the day worthwhile
I would prefer a nice cup of black tea instead please
Way ahead of you with that coffee.
Look how EFFICIENT you are!
Thanks, I do deserve another coffee.
Quick, before you reach for the knives!
You know what? I do deserve a coffee.
What about second coffee?
Thank you, now I really feel seen
Phew, thanks for reminding me that I need to go stab some people today! And thanks for the coffee; helps me stab better!
Roberto?
Don't mind if I do. βπ
Thanks. I'm drinking my first beer to celebrate not stabbing anyone yet today.
This sounds like a quote from Disco Elysium, so now I got this image in my head, which I will share.
sounds kinda like something exurb1a would say
hope that dood in ikebukuro doesnt read this tonight... too late little sunbeam
I was just thinking about that.
I feel seen
Iβm not stabbing anyone righ now! Maybe I am a good person! I am slicing someone right now but that isnβt a stab!