I’m not stabbing anyone righ now! Maybe I am a good person! I am slicing someone right now but that isn’t a stab!
this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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thank you. this gave me the motivation I needed to stop scrolling on my phone in bed and to instead scroll on my phone from the can
with coffee
I was just thinking about that.
Can I at least stab someone a little bit?
Isn’t being stabbed a binary condition? Like being pregnant. You’re either stabbed or you’re not.
It did say "probably"! I think that's your loophole. Just pick a "Vic #1" type target.
(As in whodunnits where everyone has a motive to kill THAT guy)
This sounds like a quote from Disco Elysium, so now I got this image in my head, which I will share.
sounds kinda like something exurb1a would say
Ah shit. Sorry, I was stabbing someone. Guess I don’t get that coffee. 😔
If you're stabbing a bad guy then you're still eligible for the coffee.
Everybody who stabs people thinks they're the bad guys.
I stabbed myself so I don't actually get to pedantically ask whether it is the stabber or stabee that is considered the baddie :(
Does your uniform have skulls on it?
Usually when I do that it's more like who's the klutz.
schrödinger's baddie
I don't drink coffee. What alternative rewards are available to me for being kinda awake & reading words & not stabbing anyone?
Chocolate
Aah yes chocolate is a lovely reward for not stabbing anyone.
Also a good preventative.
I'm all out of chocolate and I've got a plethora of knives. *Opens used knife stand. $2 Dollar knives or a chocolate bar!
As a coffee preferer myself, I think if you have tea you'd be allowed a compensatory biscuit.
Tea?
Phew, thanks for reminding me that I need to go stab some people today! And thanks for the coffee; helps me stab better!
Roberto?
You know what? I do deserve a coffee.
What about second coffee?
hope that dood in ikebukuro doesnt read this tonight... too late little sunbeam
Don't mind if I do. ☕😌
Apollo teasing just the tip.
Thank you Maxxus, it's been a long night and you just made facing the day worthwhile
Then stabbing your fucking eyeballs while trying to get coffee.
I would prefer a nice cup of black tea instead please
Way ahead of you with that coffee.
Look how EFFICIENT you are!
Thank you, now I really feel seen
Thanks, I do deserve another coffee.
Quick, before you reach for the knives!