Ask Lemmy

When I used to travel a lot more for work I’d strike up conversations with people at the bar, usually went well. Especially older folk are more than willing to share their stories.

Yes. Have done so several times, and have had people come up and talk to me out of the blue as well. Sometimes it has gone well. I've had a few good conversations with random people on long distance transport (planes, trains, and such) when I struck up conversations with whoever ended up in the seat next to me, and a few times (more rarely) in grocery stores when I'm having trouble finding something (or vice versa). e.g. got asked about uses for unusual ingredients I was having trouble finding and traded some recipe tips.

Usually when other people come up to me they just want me to give them money, or join their religion though.

I'm guessing you're young? This is exactly how people have met new people for literally millennia. It's only the decade or so that it became problematic. I'm glad you were able to figure it out and take the leap. May you find many new rewarding relationships, short and long term. So long as you respect anyone saying no to your overture, you'll probably find many people are happy to have someone else take the first step.

Last summer I told someone I wanted to talk to them ‘face-to-face’ and he asked me if that was an app :(

I live in a rural area and I regularly talk to people on my walk. For me they are strangers but apparently I talk to a lot the them regularly. I don't remember faces/names easily so often they address me like a friend and I am clueless.

every time this happens to me it is a gay man who is hoping to become intimate

I struggle to strike up a conversation with people I already know

Yes. And I hate that it's so hard to do now. My generation will always have a phone and earbuds in, and then complain that it's hard to meet people.

I've gotten in an elevator with people my age and received awkward looks and silence when I make even a small comment.

Sometimes. I dont push for it, but am always open to conversations that arise organically

Shocking what can happen when humanity put down the phone and meet people in real life. Wish this normal behavior will be more commonplace like it used to be. 

That was considered normal behavior for most of human history.

Yes, this is how life was before internet. We made friends and talked to people who didn't look up at you bug eyed from 24/7 tik Tok content if you talked to them.

Young folks are really going to have a tough go of human social interaction. No wonder depression is at an all time high.

No, never. I'm too introverted for that.

I've always worked in retail and sales, and have even owned retail shops, so I long ago got comfortable with chatting with strangers.

I once went to a big dinner party with a couple of friends, where none of us knew anyone else at the party.

We sat together, but I barely said a word to my friends. I spent most of my time speaking with people I didn't already know. As we were walking home, one of my friends asked "How do you do that? Just talk to people like that?"

I hadn't really thought of it before, but all I do is Be Honest. If I know about a subject, I will say it, and even debate it if I have to. But more importantly, if I DON'T know about a subject, I don't pretend to know stuff, and try to fake it. That only makes you look like a doofus. There is no shame in admitting you don't know much about something, but you are curious, and then ask questions, and then follow up questions, so they see that you are really trying to understand, and you are counting on them to teach you. People really appreciate that attitude, especially when it's genuine.

Even more importantly, I try to avoid subjects I already know about, and can expound upon at length, and try to learn about something new. Someone has an interesting job that I've never experienced? Let's learn about that.

It's especially effective if I've done both - asked questions about things I don't know about, while also speaking definitively about things I do know about. Then people realize that you are smart, but also a genuinely curious person, who isn't just trying to look important by being a phony.

Don't be like my dummy uncle, who always has to prove to everybody that he knows more about their job than they do, no matter how educated and experienced they are, and always invents some story where he saved the day, or told off someone in authority. {sigh}

Most normal experience of life before 2005-2010ish.

The real old school version would have you both become pen pals and mail each other letters a few times a year for decades until one is you died or moves.

Congrats. Modern society has neutered us to the point where doing something this natural feels exceptionally daring. Of course, there's also those of us who are introverted, for whom walking up to a stranger is a genuine challenge.

How did it feel ? how freeing ?

I talk to the old people at the bus stop while we wait, when My autism is being easy

No. Never had that drive or reason that would push me to go talk with random strangers. I'm completely fine being on my own.

Honestly i really like that social media stopped or at least significantly reduced others doing it as well, it was always kinda annoying.

Uh yeah this is kind of the human experience

I'm a dude though, the circumstances aren't the same, lol.

But I have, actually, many times. Especially in uni and highschool, I'd be the one to approach the quiet kid cause I just wasn't comfortable with them feeling excluded. I made a really good friend in uni that way, a quiet, very clever and responsible ginger dude (in a country of brown people, he was basically a mythological being, lol) I ended up spending many of my afternoons with, just yapping and toking our late teens away. 🙏

Yes, I do it all the time. Yesterday I greeted a guy in my buildings elevator and commented on the Nat Geo logo on his jacket.

I then learned he was one of many project managers working on National Geographic Museum about to open in DC.

So now i stoked to check out the museum when it opens this summer.