Ask Lemmy

I think it was only "better" in the past, because it was far less likely for someone to have things like properly isolating headphones and portable devices that could replay sound. I say better in air quotes, because people who feel an incessant need to fill any silence with mindless small talk were still annoying as hell back then for those of us who just wanted to be left in peace to do whatever we were trying to do before someone decided that they urgently needed to remark "Oh, it's really raining," upon seeing rain out the window of the bus, or what have you.

I've never had an issue with actually talking to people, mind you, it's just that I find many people in the US have an insanely extroverted approach to conversation and will try to force it no matter the context. If I'm at a concert, or a book club or something, sure, we're there to hang out, have a good time and meet people. If you're trying to make conversation at a bus stop just to make conversation, it's unnecessary. I planned for this downtime, I brought a book with me that I wanted to read. That you didn't plan anything to occupy your time and your mind with doesn't make it my responsibility to entertain you for however long I happen to be next to you.

Mind you, I'm not opposed to any and all conversation, but to keep with the mass transit theme, I'll give you a recent example of what I'm talking about.

Guy: "Hey, you're reading a book." Me: "Yes, I am." G: "That book isn't in English." M: "I'm aware, thanks." G: "But then how do you know what it says?"

On and on for twenty minutes. This sort of vapid conversation that exists only to fill dead air is annoying as hell, and makes me more inclined to just not engage with people. Mind you, I don't hate any and all conversations. I've had other interactions that start from a similar, "Wow, that book you're reading isn't in English," observation, but then transition into something worth sustaining, like if they ask if there are any pointers for studying language, or how they really enjoy books from one country and want to study that language, or something else beyond merely speaking every time they perceive something, to let us know they do, in fact, have functioning sensory organs.

The whole "Just speak with anyone around you and be super outgoing," approach to social interactions with strangers that's been normalized in the US would be considered pretty weird elsewhere. Sure, people be too lost in social media or games or whatever is a bad thing if people aren't learning how to socialize at all, but I don't think there's anything wrong with people just preferring not to be available for interaction at any time and with anyone, and choosing not to engage with people when they don't want to and have the means to block them out.

In short, a lot of folks just need to stfu and realize that not everyone wants to constantly talk, and they should learn to discern the time and place for it, rather than imposing their preferences on everyone around them.