No Stupid Questions

Having a good relationship with coworkers is in general great in my opinion and talking about personal life, politics and religion can be avoided with for example:

• "I'm not that into politics"
• "sorry, I don't like talking about religion"
• "Sorry, that's a part I like to keep private" Also always steer conversations towards work topics and problems.

Then there are ways to differently stop conversations like

• "Sorry, I'm feeling tired today" < all nurses should relate
• "Sorry, I'm not in the mood for talking right now"

Then there's the general fact that often you don't really don't have to say anything as long as you listen and ask exploratory questions. I'm autistic and can barely keep a conversation going but this goes pretty well for me without a lot of effort. Just say stuff like:

• "So you're saying that [literally rephrasing their point]"
• "So does that mean that..."
• "That must have been tricky"
• "That sounds hard/tricky/difficult"
• "Did you manage?"
• "So what did you do/end up doing?"
• "That sucks"

And if they somehow end up being sad and almost crying which happens more often than I'd like to admit you can just say "That sucks" put a hand on their shoulder and wait.

Another option would be to invite them to silence like:

• "I'm spent, do you want to sit over there, relax and eat in silence?"

People are sometimes uncomfortable with silence but not as much when it's on purpose.

It's just conversation lubricant. If you feel like the conversation is interesting then "Have you thought about doing X?".

I can't stress enough how much people will like you by just actively listening.

But always, be like the British monarchy, never take sides. Instead propose neutral hypotheticals like "Maybe they were having a bad day". I've been in my fair share of gossip but acting as Switzerland manages to just avoid most of it. When people say "Why are you hanging out with X" then responding with "They never did anything to me". If really pressed for opinion then say "I don't know all the details so I can't really give an honest opinion". If they still press you after that you have my condolences since that's toxic.

Sounds like a one sided arrangement that's only good for you and not for the cohesion of the group. What's the actual problem with connecting to/socialising with people?

I get that it's annoying sometimes, and it's fine to have limits. But you're working in a place where other people are working, some people need socialising just like you need space. It's give and take. You're just asking for special treatment because you're introverted?

Sorry but the excuse that it's 'just work' is bullshit. You have responsibility, you're an adult, different people different needs, be accommodating to get accommodation.

Humans are social animals, you're the odd one out here from a social perspective, not that you're not entitled to that choice but choices have consequences.

I'd suggest just ignoring them. You aren't going to find a better work environment anywhere else unless you literally have no coworkers.

‘I’ve worked here for a year already. It should be clear by now that I’m not a talkative person. This is a question I don’t want to answer. And I hope that you respect that.’

This won't be taken well at all and sounds incredibly assholish.

‘that I don’t talk doesn’t mean I hate you, it means I have nothing to say’ < I find it ludicrous even having to explain this.

Still kinda rude IMO

‘I don’t see what that has to do with the job’

Depending on the situation could also be rude.

‘I don’t talk about religion, politics or my private life with coworkers and I hope you respect that’

Yes, this is good. Firm and clear.

‘all right, I need time to unwind, which means today I’ll spend my pause somewhere else.’ and proceed to eat alone somewhere else. And if they pester yet again: ‘leave me alone’

How about just "Sorry, I don't feel like talking right now." except you say that every time like a broken record. They'll move on eventually since you never have anything to add.

I can tell you that what works for me is to be polite but distant. I’ll say “good morning!” to my coworkers and “have a good night!” At the end of the shift. I’ll be helpful when needed, and I’ll do my best to work well with others.

However, I’ll keep an “out” handy for when people get gossipy or nosy. I’ll bring a book along to read during breaks and at lunch, or I’ll keep something work-related in my hands when I’m around a group of coworkers, as an indicator to the group that I’m not wanting to chat.

I’ve also gotten good at turning conversation back around on really chatty, insistent people. “No, I don’t have a favorite color. What’s yours?” “Yes, I do think that patient looks like Elvis, are you a fan of his?” “No, I don’t have a dog. Do you?” Basically, be really boring with your answers, but let them keep talking about themselves, as they’re likely tire themselves out eventually. Works if you can stand it, and if you can do your job with a coworker talking at you for an hour. Last resort, and all that.

Of the examples you’ve given as responses, I think the only one that doesn’t make you come across as dickish is the one stating that you don’t want to talk about religion or politics, and even then, you sound like an asshole when you state this.

Instead of “‘I’ve worked here for a year already. It should be clear by now that I’m not a talkative person. This is a question I don’t want to answer. And I hope that you respect that.’”, you could say something like “I don’t feel comfortable talking about this”. It’s shorter and way less aggressive, and people are more likely to listen to you when you’re not all up in their face over a question, you know?

“‘that I don’t talk doesn’t mean I hate you, it means I have nothing to say’” For the record, I also think it’s ludicrous that you feel you have to say this. Maybe you could word it a little differently though, something like “I don’t mean for you to take it personally, I’m just a private person, and prefer to keep my home life at home”

“‘I don’t see what that has to do with the job’” could be “Not to be a buzzkill, but mind if we keep this conversation on work?”