this post was submitted on 12 Jan 2026
358 points (96.4% liked)

Greentext

7592 readers
769 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 33 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 54 points 3 days ago (1 children)

True enlightenment lies in seeing that carrying $100 in coins is really quite inconvenient.

[–] Darkenfolk@sh.itjust.works 29 points 3 days ago (2 children)

True enlightenment is understanding that $100 in coins serves better as a self-defense tool than $100 in bills.

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 15 points 3 days ago (1 children)

In a carried sock, yes.

In a worn bra, not so much

[–] Tinidril@midwest.social 11 points 3 days ago (2 children)

You sound like you've never had the shit beaten out of you by breast implants.

[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Goddamnit, you reminded me of the sentient cumsock filled with nickles in Dungeon Crawler Carl

[–] Darkenfolk@sh.itjust.works 2 points 3 days ago

Thank you for bringing this in my life, it certainty looks like a fun read haha.

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 69 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I would prefer the 100$ in bills, as it is easier to carry. I also prefer small breasts.

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 18 points 3 days ago

I also prefer small breasts.

Yeah no debate there. Better for the owner's back and they fit nicely in your hands.

[–] evol@lemmy.today 7 points 3 days ago

you my friend have ascended past what mere mortals can comphrehend

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 41 points 3 days ago (5 children)

I just want to get past January and this depression spell.

[–] pmk@piefed.ca 18 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You can do it, each day is one day closer to the end (of january). If things seem bleak now, don't rule out that it can change in the future.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Thank you, you're so sweet <3! I was just venting out these couple of depressed days. I should be happy too, because I am making progress getting into my local Electrician Apprenticeship program.

Seattle is the worst in the winter in terms of mental health.

[–] pmk@piefed.ca 7 points 3 days ago

Congrats on the electrician apprenticeship program! As a swede I know how seasonal affective disorder can be, winter depression, it's dark all the time, and cold. But, it won't last forever.

[–] derry@midwest.social 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

So Seattle is the Midwest on the West Coast? Dear Lord it gets so bad here from November to March. No sun for days on end. One year I think we went a month with only 2 days of any sun. Dark when you get up, dark when you get home. Every. Single. Day.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 3 days ago

No, Portland is the Midwest of the West Coast. Seattle is more of the North East Corridor of the West Coast. But yes, it gets dark here

[–] Zoot@reddthat.com 3 points 3 days ago

Amazing career, once you get past installing light switches for years on end its an very well paying field. Try to get into design if you care for your body at all ;).

[–] monkeyman69@lemmynsfw.com 6 points 3 days ago

Looking at boobs can increase mental wellness, I prescribe you 2 hours a day.

https://www.menshealth.com/health/a19516369/health-tip-look-at-breasts/

[–] BurnedDonutHole@ani.social 5 points 3 days ago

Come on... We can do it! I even stopped drinking. ~(つˆ0ˆ)つ。☆

[–] evol@lemmy.today 4 points 3 days ago

its tough brotha :(

[–] RichardDegenne@lemmy.zip 4 points 3 days ago

Can I recommend luminotherapy if you think part of it might be cause by a lack of sunlight?

I was subject to seasonal affective disorder and extra light helped tremendously.

[–] StillAlive@piefed.world 21 points 3 days ago

I wish someone gave me $100 (with consent, of course)

[–] kepix@lemmy.world 13 points 3 days ago (1 children)

but you can beat someone up if you use a few coins in a sock

[–] Bazell@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 days ago

Only a few dollars in cent coins and a dirty sock can make you hundreds of dollars in bills just by beating strangers and taking their wallets. What a scary and a profitable world we live in...

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago

What about an ass I can bounce $100 in coins off of?

[–] nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I don't understand the analogy it's a simple question

[–] hayvan@piefed.world 35 points 3 days ago (1 children)

That's the joke. A simple and completely preference-based question is answered in unnecessarily indirect way, with deep-sounding fake philosophic phrases.

[–] zaphod@sopuli.xyz 10 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Coins or bills is also just preference.

[–] hayvan@piefed.world 34 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It is making fun of a specific format. Buddhist lessons usually go this way, someone has a question in mind, asks a guru, the guru replies with another question, and then the seeker gets enlightened.

This joke is brilliant because, like any good parody, it works well as an example of what it parodies.

[–] Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 7 points 3 days ago

As someone who reads a truly absurd number of xianxia novels and having heard more buddist lessons and middle way philosophy then most.

I laughed for a good while at this meme. I can confirm is pretty dang accurate.

[–] texture@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

thats the joke

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago

Value is subjective