I didn't want to irritate any Italians by breaking spaghetti, so I purchased a device that lets you easily cook full-length spaghetti in the microwave.
this post was submitted on 09 Jan 2026
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è tempo di purificazione!
I'm not gonna say that you need to be purified (you need to, tho), but hey... at least you are not setting your kitchen in fire because you decided to boil your pasta WITHOUT FUCKING WATER!
Oh dude I had a roommate who did not cook. He took one my good pans and made spaghettios in it. Then left the pan on low for six hours. I told him to eat it or throw it away, he said it was okay. I told him if he boiled off all the liquid and burned it, he was not getting another chance to clean it poorly. he was buying me a new pan, and I was choosing an expensive one. Guess who got a new pan.
@AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor @logicbomb I was just thinking "Again?", but then I realized it was from 2018
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Got converted to the church of snapping spaghetti by persians doing it and telling me that they give a donkey's cock about what Italians think
Take it a step further and cut it up into small pieces in your bowl. That way you can eat it like regular food instead of having to dance with it first. That was my childhood solution, at least. Now I just buy other pasta shapes instead.
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Sure your nonna wouldn't stand for it but my gran told me the gays shouldn't be allowed to marry.
They're not to be trusted
What am I to do with just a little pot!? I wait until the water is boiling and gradually squeeze all those thin boners in there? Actually that's what I do and just add butter and salt, but not for a meal.
Pro-tip: don't add butter (or any oil for that matter) to the cooking water. It just makes your pasta slippery making it hard for your sauce to stick to it.
If you add a little of the pasta water to your sauce (let it cook about halfway so it's starchy then mix like a quarter cup in with your sauce, assuming it is a sauce that can handle it) the sauce sticks to the pasta better
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What am I to do with just a little pot!?
choose other pasta than spaghetti?
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Just put it upright in the pot and it'll lower by itself. You won't even notice a difference that one side was cooked that tiny bit longer.
You also get to salute the spaghetti as it lowers itself into the pot.
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Linguini > spaghetti
Superior shape and thickness
I do break it though. Purge away. The goal is smaller bites. Oh, and I also use the whole grain pasta. Pasta on its own is bad, but I don't want to give it up, so I try to mitigate the damages as best I can.
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Look, mate, it's simple: if you break it you won't be able to properly emulate the spaghetti kiss scene from The Lady And The Tramp because it will be too short.
So keep it in mind if you're a dog and you want to romance a bitch.
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I used a coffee maker for 10 years and to replace it my in-laws got me a nice espresso machine. They're into coffee. I am not.
See, I'd always make a pot of black coffee and pour it into some instant hot cocoa instead of cream and sugar.
When I do the same with fancy espresso shots now I feel like I am directly assaulting Italia.
When Angelo Moriondo invented what ultimately became the espresso machine, he didn't do it to make coffee fancier, or better, or more exclusive, or more pure. He did it specifically to make coffee faster. Absolutely every other aspect of an espresso shot is a total afterthought.
Remember that the next time some pretentious dingus in a turtleneck is prattling at you about goddamn beans.
(And while we're at it, nobody in Italy used a tomato for anything until, near as we can determine, the 1540s. Tomatoes came from the new world; they didn't exist in Europe until they were brought back there. Anyone claiming that their modern tomato based Italian cookery is proud tradition dating back to antiquity is thus likewise full of it.)
He did it specifically to *make coffee faster.
That's why he gave it that name. And not the supremo or whatever. It was the quick coffee machine.
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See, I'd always make a pot of black coffee and pour it into some instant hot cocoa instead of cream and sugar.
Nah, just call it a mocaccino and you're good.
I snap them not to cook them easily (I know how to cook full length spaghetti) but because I find them easier to eat at this size. Less knots, fork spins and slurping needed. Also yes, easier to cook since the fits and you don't need to supervise beyond the first mixing to avoid them gluing to each other. Better personal enjoyment overall.
I recommend you try it at least once. Cooking can be fun and creative, don't let dogma limit your experience :)
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I do this too... and then I fry them until they are crunchy. I call the dish "The angry Italian".
You know, they are crunchy right out of the package.
That's the bad kind of crunchy. I want the good one. The "corner piece of the casserole" kind.
Italiakisoba.
Well, the Italians do that as well (the last part). It is called Spaghetti all'assassina.
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Mash em, crush em, put em in the soup.
Why do they not just make half length spaghetti?
They do
By snapping the long ones in half, before they package them at the factory.
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Half length spaghetti are easy: You take full length spaghetti and snap them in half.
Fast and simple solution.
Thats me. I always break my spaghetti in half for storage and cooking. Much easier to deal with
All spaghetti is eventually broken, all you're doing is changing where that happens in the process.
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