It's why so many of us hate ourselves, because until we get diagnosed, all we have to go on is what people think and say about us.
this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2026
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Autism
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Even if you aren't like that in public - people always tell me how organized I am (well, my desk is usually a mess but my information is organized). Thanks, I need my Systems© or I'll fall apart and it's killing me to maintain them so...
You need to be more outgoing mate!
Have you tried learning to sleep better?
You should really focus on being taller.
You should really focus on being taller.
Shut up! I'm doing my best! :(
Funny enough, I took shots to get taller. They helped a bit - I'm at average now 5'10". Without I probably would be <<5'
average for who lol
White Males in the USA - the category they were measuring me against
I have a brain tumor, and people seem to think its not a Real Neurodivergence® like ADHD, because I can just get a surgery and fix it. Spoiler, they can't just fix it, its too deep to get to.
Wow that is crazy. I mean you have physical proof that something is wrong with your brain.
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I had to try really hard to stop my family from playing armchair therapist with me.
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Its insane realizing how much ableist abuse I endured as a child. It even came from adults who knew i had adhd. No one ever told me what executive dysfunction was or all the ways adhd affected me. It was just "youre bad at focusing in class" and even that was always my fault too. No one ever sought to actually help me, just tell me to try harder and punish me when I failed. I didnt know any different. I believed them that it was all my fault. It utterly destroyed any semblance of confidence or self esteem I had for the longest time.
I’ve had the exact same experience. Teachers would tell me I don’t concentrate enough, my parents would get mad for not doing homework, and they’d “help” me by giving the answer to some things but then get mad since I still didn’t know how to complete the task, and it’d end in a lot of tears (although I don’t blame them, they knew only the mainstream strategies and we’re never taught anything about neurodivergent behaviours. They also seem to have a lot of ADHD and autistic traits as well, so it’s likely they must’ve thought it’s how everyone else experiences things.)
I was also made to believe I was just inferior to peers at school, since they could get everything done, but I didn’t know how I couldn’t. Even in high school it was pretty bad, with especially my math and English teachers not knowing why I couldn’t get all my coursework done (but for English that was solved a bit by just telling her that I probably have ADHD (which I’m even more sure of now)). Granted, the rest of the classes were great, they were my interests (technology, design, and the law respectively), so I pretty much completed everything there and was seen as well above average in the software development one as well as the design one, so there’s that.
Since I’ve graduated a month back, I really leaned into learning about myself and genuinely shifting my routine, finding out that I didn’t actually have anything wrong with me, it’s just I’m likely to have AuDHD, even if I’m not diagnosed for either yet. I still encounter ableism, although I’ve been quite stern in disclosing my abilities, what makes me comfortable/uncomfortable, and the issues I face, so that’s solved a lot as well.
Something to put the ableism into perspective: when other students underperform compared to me they're not called lazy for underperforming, I'm called abnormally good instead. But when I underperform at "normal" tasks, I do get called lazy.
When I was single and having extreme dating difficulties:
"You just don't want to date! If you did, you'd overcome this silly shy act and go do it!"
Damn, yeah being late diagnosed really puts a different lens on all the fun I had with dating.
✅ Impossible to flirt with because I don't understand indirect communication. I also don't know how to flirt.
✅ Total inability to play the games of dating (not the negative ones but the "dance" of courtship, I guess?"
✅ Rejection sensitivity making it impossible to know if someone likes me so I just assume no one is interested unless they flat out tell me in so many words and BOY HOWDY did that lead to some awkward situations
✅ People felt super rejected because people "make time for those they care about" whereas my lack of executive function means they probably are getting all my free time but it doesn't look like that to an NT.
Both fortunately and unfortunately this manifested as manic Pixie dream girl energy so I did have access to dating. I didn't think I would have been able to find a partner without internet dating though.
Funny anecdote: I once went on a first (and last lmao) date where we watched 500 Days of Summer in theater and that's probably one of the worst 1st date movies ever 😬. But it was definitely a massive eye opener to the fact that people fall in love with an idea sometimes and that's awful .
Uhh, pressured to date?
I've been told I don't understand things very well, when I do... just in a way that doesn't show I'm a good little Jesuit-aligned wee-wee.
Religism and ableism in one, actually.
i realize this is the autism comm but in terms of physical ableism an ex-friend, while harping on me to get a job basically because she was tired of me talking about my mental health issues, had completely forgotten than i have a musculoskeletal disorder that affects my ability to walk.
I think it's quite relevant given the types of comorbidities people with autism are more likely to have 💕
Even I struggle to not see it as a personal failing, and the only person I judge is myself. :-(
I haven't sought any assessment for this stuff, but I have my hunches. So I don't know if this is a thing, but every single time I appear clean and normally dressed, saying things that are agreeably sane and charming, and not talking about one topic at length or being super quiet, it is always because I have decided it is necessary.
Username checks out. I find that better situational control has come with age, for me. I sure can put on the charm and be sociable, but it's contextual. I can function well at work, as I've developed a "work persona" that helps keep me on the level, but once I'm clocked out it's a different ballgame. I have to conserve my effort for the times I most need to focus, and doing the thing that brings me income, well, that's a top priority. I spend a lot of "time off" alone recharging.
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So I need to make up a song about that, too? Because I will if I'm forced but I've shared some of the same struggles so I might have some big feelings while doing it. And I'm not a fan of big feelings.
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The one thing that my wife and I consistently fight about. I’m 55 and have had this all my life so it’s not new. Basically all of the little quirks like unfinished projects, hyper-focusing on certain things (typically video games but often software projects or some electronic project I’m building in my lab … it’s a lab dammit not just a garage), clutter on my desk, terrible time management, misplacing stuff, delayed audio processing, forgetting bills or appointments, procrastination,etc… you know all the typical ADHD stuff. Yes my medication helps but not always 100%. And yes I can overcome 95% of them with just Herculean willpower that I just don’t have 99.9% of the time. She thinks it’s just an excuse and that all of these things happen because I guess I’m either lazy or just don’t care.
I do finish projects (sometimes) and have figured out how to use my “super powers” for good at my job, and I’m able to function most days so I guess I can see her point. We work very well together since she’s an ultra planner but sometimes a little more empathy would be welcome.
I think the biggest reason people don’t recognize ADHD/Autism is that it doesn’t present visually in the way people feel that conditions should.
For example, things like Down’s syndrome, or turrets are recognizable.
Having ADHD or autism blends in for the most part. And people only seem to know what they see. So if you look “normal” you are normal.
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