this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2025
528 points (97.8% liked)

Greentext

8832 readers
502 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
 
all 46 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] sc2pirate@lemmy.world 142 points 10 months ago (1 children)

My partner did this for me early in our relationship, they actually fed me and all of my overnight coworkers with a homemade meal. We have been married for more than a decade and I still tear up thinking about this memory.

[–] hydrashok@sh.itjust.works 81 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Did this once when my SIL was having her first kid. Went home and made a huge batch of garlic chicken for the whole family because it was a very long labor and we had all been in the waiting room waiting for almost 12 hours for any news and the hospital cafeteria was closed until morning.

While serving it up, got quite a few “omg I want it” looks from a couple others that were waiting as well and definitely offered it up. Was nice to feed everyone, even those couple strangers, so they could concentrate on their other needs. Still a story the family talks about occasionally. Would totally do it again. (The food, not the birthing labor.)

[–] hydroxycotton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 7 points 10 months ago (2 children)

Yo you got that recipe handy?

[–] hydrashok@sh.itjust.works 18 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

You got it! Truth be told, it’s an old Better Homes and Gardens cookbook recipe, but it’s a hit with everyone I serve it to. The night of the story I made a quadruple batch of this. Enjoy!

Garlic Chicken

Yield: 4-6 servings

  • 2 cups water
  • 2/3 cup soy sauce
  • 2 Tbsp dry white cooking wine
  • 2 Tbsp corn starch
  • 4 chicken breasts, diced
  • 2 cups white rice
  • 4 Tbsp Olive Oil
  • 10 cloves garlic, minced
  • ½ cup green onion, chopped

Combine water, soy sauce, wine, and corn starch in small bowl. Mix well.

Place diced chicken in another bowl, pour half of the soy sauce mixture into bowl. Allow chicken to marinate covered for 30 minutes in the refrigerator.

Cook rice according to package instructions.

Remove chicken from refrigerator and drain marinade.

Heat skillet or wok over medium heat. Add oil and allow to heat. Add garlic and onion. Cook slowly for 5 minutes. Remove from skillet and add to side bowl. Increase heat to high. Add chicken and cook thoroughly, approximately 7-10 minutes. Push cooked chicken to sides of pan, add leftover marinade to pan. Reduce heat to medium-high, allow marinade to reduce until thickened. Add onion, garlic, and oil mixture back to pan and allow to heat through.

When ready to serve, place base of white cooked rice on plate and cover with garlic chicken mixture. Serve hot. Refrigerate leftovers.

EDIT: Updated formatting because it keeps getting messed up when I paste it from my cookbook. (P.S. Microsoft OneNote RULES as a cookbook.)

EDIT2: I also like topping mine with a bit of red pepper flake if you want some heat. Not everyone in my family does, so I generally just put that off to the side for those that want it. And also don’t be afraid to make more of the marinade if you want the final product to have more sauce. Sometimes I’ll double just the marinade part so I have more sauce in the final plated dish.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

10 cloves garlic

Fuckin' righteous

[–] CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

For once a recipe gets it right and I don't have to add more. It's garlic chicken, not hint of garlic chicken.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 3 points 10 months ago

It's more like chicken garlic.

[–] hydroxycotton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I made it!! It was great. Sorry for the low effort pic. !

[–] hydrashok@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago

That’s awesome! Glad you liked it!

[–] CancerMancer@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago

Updated formatting because it keeps getting messed up when I paste it from my cookbook. (P.S. Microsoft OneNote RULES as a cookbook.)

I was using OneNote at work for a while and this is actually why I stopped. Nothing ever gets copied out with sane formatting and it was driving me mad.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I also choose this guy's recipe

[–] hydrashok@sh.itjust.works 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 6 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Ooh, 10 cloves, now we talking. Between the garlic and onion, I can almost smell the kitchen already

[–] hydrashok@sh.itjust.works 4 points 10 months ago

Go big or go home!

No vampires in this house.

[–] blarghly@lemmy.world 85 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

Fake: there are no girls on the internet
Gay: anon isn't a girl

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Memetically compatible solution:

OP is a femboy.

[–] S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 months ago

Result: Win

[–] SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 16 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Glad I'm bisexual, cause I'd marry the fuck out of them. Not a care in the world for what's in their pants.

[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 10 months ago (3 children)

How do you know what kind of oral to do, though? You just outed yourself as a terrible lover.

[–] funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 11 points 10 months ago (1 children)

this is why we train on the Bop-It

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Please do go easy on the 'Twist It!'

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Ring.

Ring.

... Who is it?

... Honey, who is testicular torsion, and why do they want to talk to you?

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Why are they twisting my testicle and not my extra nips?

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago

... Extra nips?

Are you... Scaramanga, from the Man with the Golden Gun?

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You figure it out when you get down there, it's not that difficult.

[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

So you do still care, youre just willing to wait for that information until the exact moment it applies.

[–] Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I think you're taking this too seriously

[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago

I think I'm being technically correct!

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

What.

How does that logic work?

They say they are bisexual.

This implies they have had sexual encounters with both meat rods and meat flowers.

... You know what to do based on ... what shape the sexy time meat is.

... How is this complicated?

[–] cassandrafatigue@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 10 months ago

It's not but that does still elide a necessary decision fork and discernment.

[–] Mim@lemmy.zip 11 points 10 months ago

Fake: anon has a relationship
Gay: anon 'has' a bf (there are no girls on the internet)

[–] wizzor@sopuli.xyz 81 points 10 months ago (1 children)

When I was working on my thesis at home, my then-gf would silently sneak in with a plate full of fruit cut to bite size pieces and place it on the table and leave without a word.

[–] jia_tan@lemmy.blahaj.zone 33 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] wizzor@sopuli.xyz 27 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Yea I agree, that's why she's the now-wife <3

[–] dogs0n@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 months ago

Now-wife and future-wife sorry locked it in for you now!

[–] gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 50 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 10 months ago (1 children)

concrete and inescapable, yet whimsical and stylish

[–] swagmoney@lemmy.ca 21 points 10 months ago (1 children)

fabricated: there are no girls on the Internet
homosexual: kissing a man

[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

There are no girls on the internet who'd ever write hehehe.

[–] stevedice@sh.itjust.works 19 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

gay: anon has a bf

fake: anon has a bf

[–] Redex68@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago

Literally the fakest and gayest thing I've ever seen, happy people don't exist and op is a guy