Not all heroes wear capes, and some don't wear anything.
this post was submitted on 29 Nov 2025
617 points (97.4% liked)
Dank Memes
7526 readers
197 users here now
This is the place to be on the interweb when Reddit irreversibly becomes a meme itself and implodes
If you are existing mods from r/dankmemes, you should be mod here too, kindly DM me on either platform
The many rules inherited from
- Be nice, don't be not nice
- No Bigotry or Bullying
- Don't be a dick!
- Censor any and all personal information from posts and comments
- No spam, outside links, or videos.
- No Metabaiting
- No brigading
- Keep it dank!
- Mark NSFW and spoilers appropriately
- NO REEEEEEE-POSTS!
- No shitposting
- Format your meme correctly. No posts where the title is the meme caption!
- No agenda posting!
- Don't be a critic
- Karma threshold? What's that?
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I would just calmly say: “ I used to be JW but I ran away and never looked back, would you like to come inside and let me tell you why?” Then I’d go on and say the worst possible things that can happen to a person knocking on doors happened to me, and say the church and peoples in it didn’t protect me. I’d not make them think twice about knocking on my door, but ANY door for the sake of JW.
My father, who is a hardcore Ortodox Cristian, claimed he worshipped the devil when a Jehovah's witness tried to speak to him. He was a child then btw.
Funny how so many have their own JW stories to relate!
I, unfortunately, did the opposite from OOP: young and hapless, I told them that I think Jesus had one or two good points in his message, but I'm still not interested. You can imagine how that went: from biweekly visits to weekly visits. At some point, when I saw them through the spyhole, I started shouting "Njet!" just for shits and giggles. That's when they started sending Russian girls.
Then one day I opened the door and said that if they don't stop harassing me I'll call the police.
That helped.
Which, when you think about it, means that they know what they're doing is borderline illegal.
Ex here; they keep a list of problem addresses to avoid sending people to,but even that is generally reevaluated every few years. While I wouldn't want you to threaten my mom or brother who are still in, being problematic in some way will definitely get you less return visits than trying to be reasonable in discussing anything with them. Having a conversation to them is a exploitable opening.
I love that grin that screams "guilty and proud"
That’s actually part of their plan. They send their newest recruits to proselytise, knowing that they’ll get doors slammed in their faces, be sworn at, and face other hostility. This will reinforce in them the belief that the outside world is hostile to them, and only the cult can help them.
Exactly. Almost everything the JWs do is intended to isolate their members from any other community.
Same thing with the holidays.
Thats why you get really polite and explain that you're satisfied with your gods and so are all of your husbands and wives.
Newest designation is more a mormon thing. JWs want proselytization for life. My mother has been JW for about 40 years, and because of her current husband just about the only external interaction she gets is spending more than 90 hours a month proselytizing (a "honorable" title called pioneer that requires certain amounts per month).
There's no real thing about not doing it after being in a while or anything; all the positions or whatever that make you be in good standing require at least devoting your weekend mornings to service, and they have specific terms for missing time: "irregular" for one month, "inactive" for 6+.
Even people with disabilities preventing walking are encouraged to write people, call people on the phone, etc.
This is true and sad, but not really my problem: because a friendly No does not help with them. I tried.
It does if you redirect their energy. They're cooped up in a dorm and monitored... You have to break the script with them
Like you can say "I don't want to argue religion with you in my own home, but would you like to help me move?" They'll do it because it fulfills their narrative, and they'll be happy to do it because it lets them go out and interact as a normal person
You just have to give them side quests
I think again you're thinking mormons. I grew up JW, and they don't have dorms, unless it's the Bethel HQ in NY. The mormons also do the helping thing, but not really JWs.
Now don't get me wrong, JWs do want isolation, but it isn't as strictly enforced as mormons. They tend to make up for it by encouraging lots of meetings/study weekly, and heavy discouragement of having any friends or interactions outside of anyone else JW. No dating, no meeting up as friends, no real after school activities or school teams, discouraging going to college, etc.
Oh, I am thinking of Mormons, I kinda thought they were a subset that had the same deal with the missionary set up
I've never really run into them then, fair enough
Yeah, they are similar in going door to door, and they both have very harmful practices and beliefs, but they differ in a lot of ways too.
Mormons: Started much earlier than JW, generally door to door is only for a mission for new adults as some mention. Their history has a bunch of blood due to violence and war, they were very militaristic and generally started with cult like prophet leaders. Also had polygamy. They have restrictions on drinking not just alcohol but also stuff with caffeine and others I may not know. Racist history too, with white supremacist writings and more holy books than just the Bible.
JW: Bible fundamentalists. While they use other books, only the Bible is holy. They view missionary work as utmost important, so do it all their life instead of a 2 year mission. They don't observe holidays and shut idolatry, even crosses etc, and are pacifists. Started in late 19th century. They don't ban alcohol, but in everything moderation etc. They do ban cigarettes and drugs, and even had an antivax phase early on(but not now). They ban blood transfusions, and have a strict shunning policy for those who leave. They also believe legal stuff should be handled by the elders and not courts, making abuse such as child sexual abuse easier to cover up,and refuse to provide the government their internal documents on such crimes. I was never brought up to view any one person as a special prophet aside from Jesus, though they do have a governing body made up of just men.
Both isolate in different ways and have blood on their hands, though they do it in different ways, as JWs mostly end up killing their own with medical refusals. JWs also discourage voting (believing no man made government will succeed), while mormons are very much involved in politics. JWs also believe the end of the world is around the corner.
I remember they used to come to my house until I was in my teens. I finally got fed up and when I opened the door, greeted them with, "oh great, you're here! We were just about to sacrifice the goat out back if you'd like to join!"
Never saw them after that.
That's quite hypocritical of them, given their god used to require them to sacrifice goats as well. As far as they knew you just didn't get the memo yet, lol.
I tell anyone who comes by that I was disfellowshipped/excommunicated (depending on what group they are from), and that they probably don’t want to be talking to me.
They never come back. I think they blacklist the address when that happens, because they genuinely aren’t supposed to talk to you if you’ve been kicked out of the church, I guess.
a pride flag works on 'em like garlic on vampires
You are likely to end up on an list where congregation elders will call on you if you say you're disfellowshipped. That is the protocol. Just ask to be added to the do not call list. That should stop them from calling again.
All areas are divided into tiny maps that are laminated and checked out by publishers in the respective congregation. These are called, territories. There is a little piece of paper clipped to each of these territories that has the do not call list. Anything on this list is skipped.
People make mistakes at times. Like there is only one territory card and list and there may be 4 people in a car group. Witnesses always go to doors in pairs, so there might be 2 groups on the street. One might work even and the other on the odd address side. If someone is not all that bright, as is often the case, they may forget to look at the do not call list and share that with the other pair. With Witnesses, it is never malice. They mean well, but such is dogma.
I forget the cycle time, I haven't been a pioneer for a couple of decades and outgrew that dogma a decade ago. I think it is or was four years for the do not call list, and it is supposed to only be elders from the hall that revisit those homes on the list. Almost everyone is either not home or does not come to the door anyways. From 9:30 in the morning until 12:00, a witness might knock on a hundred doors and talk to all of 3 people, at least that was the case 20 years ago.
I’ve never had anyone follow up, and I’ve been using this strategy for decades.
However my experience is not universal, so fair enough and thanks for the info.
Though these days I have an hand-written “no soliciting, no exceptions” sign and that keeps basically everyone away.
I don't mean you are lying or anything like that friend. There is a certain unique language to witnesses. Most of my reply was me showing my authenticity, and that was to see if anyone more recently familiar had any corrections to make or might want to chat over common ground.
One of the oddities of Jehovah's Witnesses is that they have a disproportionately large footprint in human rights legislation regarding the right to knock on people's front door. It may seem annoying, but this impacts postal, logistics, neighborhood kids playing, and the public commons around the world. To a lesser extent, also the fundamental right of a citizen to error, to be skeptical, to all sources of information, and to offend, aka dissent in all nonviolent forms (though indirectly).
They are also apolitical. While doing nothing is still a useful tool for conservatives, at least they are a group of dogmatic people that would otherwise be sympathetic to spurious and populist politics, but are removed from that danger.
Anyways, I'm trying to frame this softly. Legally, soliciting is defined as the sale of goods or services. Witnesses generally ignore those. You need something to the effect of 'no evangelists' if you want to stop Witnesses and Mormons.
When it comes to lists like returning to a do not call or a person that is disfellowshipped, you might end up on a call list record. The elders in a hall have an overseer that visits each hall a couple of times a year for a week. That person is checking to make sure everything is managed correctly. So long as someone technically tried to call on the address once, that is all that matters. It would have been a couple of old men, probably at 11 am on a weekday when the odds of them finding the right address, you hearing them, or being home are extremely low. The statistics of actually encountering people at the door are very low.
Only the most obnoxious or oblivious witnesses, and pioneers are likely to ignore your sign. When I was young, it was all I knew, and I was one of those. It wasn't because I wanted to argue with you. It was because it erodes the legal rights of citizens to categorize noncommercial activities as solicitation.
I’m sorry if it came off that way; I didn’t think anything of it, my reply was more just “I haven’t experienced that but I believe you so genuinely thanks for the added info” :)
I genuinely appreciate when people share information with me, especially if it’s from a perspective I don’t have, so I appreciate the time you took, not once but twice, to pass on information, not just to me but to anyone else who might read it.
However, in my area a no soliciting sign covers basically everything except politics and census. Anyone who knocks on or leaves garbage at a door with a no-soliciting sign can and should be reported, and if they keep getting reported, they get fined, lose their permit, or can be sued for trespassing. It doesn’t matter if they are selling junk or selling religion, it’s still a solicitor according to local law, and is therefore not allowed. One of the few things we do right here.
This definition isn’t from my specific local laws, as I can’t easily find those online, but is reasonably close so I’m linking it anyway, and these increased regulations are all over the place, not just my state/area. I know these regulations because I did canvassing and figured I should brush up on it since the people in charge were not from the area and were giving bad advice.
The code defines solicitor as any person who distributes literature, who is obtaining information or opinions, who is seeking to obtain contributions of money, services, property, or financial assistance of any kind, or who is attempting to promote any cause or conviction. … Both Solicitors and Transient Merchants are restricted to a time period of 9:00 am-9:00 pm and cannot call upon a dwelling with a posted No Soliciting sign.
https://www.villageoffoxpoint.com/391/Peddlers-Solicitors-Transient-Merchants
Hey, it doesn't mean much of anything to me.
Like don't go rounding up my extended family, but other than that, whatever. I bet there is legislation in your area where witnesses have challenged it and lost. Thing is, they try to find witnesses that are lawyers, yet are anti education beyond that which is required by law. So their pool of candidates is dismal as are their results.
The way the world is changing, and the poor state of unfiltered information exchange in the present, I worry that such a law may ultimately prevent people from nonviolent dissent, skepticism, and access to politically inconvenient truths. Canvassing is rarely used now, but is the only form of information sharing that we the people fully own.
I'd rather not have unexpected guests too. With my physical disability, it is much more trouble for me than most.
Dogma is one of the worst traits in humans. So I do not faulting anyone for disliking the spread of that disease, few overcome the illness.
Sorry if I don't know when to shut up too.
If I feel like making them uncomfortable, I'll just tell them the truth: that I'll never forgive their extremely misogynistic and authoritarian cult for what they did to my favorite human before she escaped their clutches.
Uhhhhhh.........can I succumb? That sounds like a good time. I've never had magic devil sex before...
easier way: summon a succubus
it's actually the top duckduckgo search suggestion for "ritual to summon a" (not "how to summon a", those are all about the Minecraft /summon command)
Get on the 'bus
"Think of your penis as a bus. Because even a small bus, is a REALLY big.....bus, ya know? All the women will scream in horror, and say OH MY GOD! HOW MANY PEOPLE DOES THIS SEAT??? And you can just chuckle, in knowing your bus is very popular! Get on the bus, Gus!"
~Eugene Mirman. 2004.
Is this a real quote. ? I must know. Tell me !
It was part of a stand up comedy routine I saw him do. He later recycled part of it in Sexpert.
edit: Yellow no. 5, yellow no. 5, yellow no. 5 Yellow no. 5, yellow no. 5, yellow no. 5 Yellow no. 5, yellow
I had two of these fuckers approach me as I was sitting in the passenger seat of my car once at the grocery store waiting for the driver to return. At night. I laid on the horn and didn’t stop until they got frustrated and left.
They rang my doorbell insistently one day. I asked the guy what he wanted, "just to shake your hand." So I shook his hand. He'd pulled me off the toilet and I hadn't washed my hands yet...
I'm gonna ask my partner, an escapee of that awful cult, if that ever happened to her back in the bad old days 😁
Had a guy answer the door once in his tighty-whities and the lady i was with didn't notice, just ran through her whole spiel.
My uncle had a pair that kept coming to his house until he answered the door completely naked. They didn't return.
I'd like to think if I answered the door naked it would prompt repeat visits, but TbF I'd probably do about as well as your uncle.
So these guys believe that they have to share their info with everyone, which triggers armageddon, fucking most people, right? So should it not be their moral duty to keep that info to themselves and take it to their grave? They are basically sneakily murdering you by sharing their knowledge with you.
The catch is that the people who end up being harmed by this are by definition evil people who deserve to be harmed. So the JWs don't have to pretend to have human feelings such as empathy.
Bipolar manic phase?
Look a non believer.
Respect devil magic when you see it.
It appears to be a manifestation of hypersexual behavior typical to the manic side of bipolar, possibly even that of the initial psychotic break into bipolar.
But thinking of science as magic that works is aok with me.
I've worked in behavioral health for 20 years, and I feel that this was more that she was fucking sick of JWs, which I 100% get. I had a pair visit my apartment complex weekly. I told them no soliciting was allowed per management. They said they aren't selling anything. I asked if their church ever asked for money, and they never returned.
My grandfather liked his Bible. Not going to church so much as reading and trying to figure it out. He invited one in, a kid really, just to argue Bible with someone. It went fine imo. Gramps was happy. I’m sure it swings the other way though.
That's my favorite phase (in others).