Ask Lemmy

41 and I'm surprised I'm not more crazy spending as much time alone as I do

33 and surprised how childlike I still feel.

That I'm alive. Didn't want to keep going past high school graduation. Now I'm 30 and not sure what keeps me going tbh. Most likely just fear of death.

Still no idea what I want to do when I grow up. And im already thinking about retirement.

I'm 55. I was a potato couch until 47. Then I discovered the outdoors, the mountains, the sea, the rivers. Turns out I hated gyms not exercise and I am passionate about nature.

I was never interested in clothes. Then I found out about second hand stores. Turns out I hated current fast fashion, not clothes.

I used to argue a lot, now I don't bother. Some people do not deserve the compliment of rational opposition.

Just how alone I've made myself. I had many opportunities for it not be this way, yet here I am.

That I'm alive I guess? Didn't expect to make it to 15,now almost 30.

Everything is still shit, but I got older instead of dead.

I'm surprised by how much I know. It perhaps shouldn't be surprising given that I have both autism and ADHD and that makes me enthusiastic about learning basically everything, but I'm chuffed with how well rounded my knowledge is.

I studied biochemistry at university, but over the last 5 years or so, I've been doing a lot more reading in topics like the history and philosophy of science, philosophy more generally, political theory, disability theory, queer theory, economics, design, programming etc.. My knowledge in each of these areas is relatively shallow, but I seem to be pretty good at forming lateral links between things I know, which means I can be quite fun to have in depth discussions with. It helps that I got a hell of a lot smarter when I stopped being so attached to my identity as a smart person and learned how to say "no, I haven't heard of $thing, tell me more" or "I think I've heard of that, but I'm not sure — remind me?"

A year or so ago, a friend who studied English called me "well read" and it gave me a bit of an existential crisis. "But I don't actually fully read most of the books I talk about. Many of them I just skim them until I find a chapter or two that's most useful to me!". Turns out that that kind of reading strategy is typical of people who are well read.

My late best friend was a historian, and one of the things I loved about our friendship is arguing with him about random shit. His background meant he often approached an issue in a completely different way to me, and we'd often ask questions or make points that would require the other to go away and think about it for a while before forming a response. I think he'd be really proud of me (and also aggravatingly smug due to him being a significant driving force behind me getting more into history).

That I'm actually married to a woman I love and who loves me.
When I was 20 I thought I'd die a sad virgin.
When I was 30 I thought I was incapable of sustaining a relationship.
Turns out there are other people who are as ~~broken~~ weird as me, some of them are women, and one of them was the right one for me.

That I'm my age. I'm in my late thirties, but sometimes I still feel like I'm nineteen.

I was pretty hardcore straight edge in college. Now I drink more days than I don't.

At 55 I’m astounded just how quickly my body changed. And not for the better.

My whole life I was one of those hyper kids with the metabolism of a hummingbird. I could rely on seemingly limitless energy to get me through my day. I looked half my age. I could subsist almost exclusively on sugar and caffeine. I’m not sure exactly when, but I feel like I woke up one morning and it was just gone. Like I lost a fucking bet or something.

I loved being skinny, and I’m not “fat” by anyone’s definition, but this absolutely a dad bod now. I need to watch what I eat and take supplements. I get sore for no apparent reason. And I’d be okay with that if I at least had the stamina and energy that I used to, but I don’t even have that anymore. There are days I just feel straight up fucking frail.

I stay active. I work full time in a physically demanding job and I’ve got a 4 year old who keeps me on my toes. I don’t remember my parents complaining about this when they were in their 50’s. Makes me wonder what I’m doing wrong.

I recently visited Blackpool Tower, which has a glass bottom bit near the top where you walk on glass and can see a massive, definitely lethal, drop underneath you. I was petrified to get on it, and could only walk on the glass by looking upwards.

Until that moment I thought I was still brave. Im scared of heights but fear never really stopped me from doing much before. Ive avoided certainties out of pragmatic fear, but I'd never known myself to be scared of fear itself until that moment.

Going to the glass and finding myself unable to walk onto it was very surprising. I even told my wife "huh, this is new..."

At 41 I’m surprised by how much more self confident I have become. I still remember what it felt like being the insecure girl I was in high school, but it’s so obvious to me now that the things I was afraid of then were silly. I wish I had worried less and enjoyed life more back then, but I’m glad I have come as far as I have. I wonder when I look back in another 25 years if I’ll feel just as foreign to myself at 41.

That I am a functioning human. Several conspired against it over the years.

(nearing my 60s). What surprises me about myself:

• To still be alive. I have severe (non-curable) health issues + I narrowly escaped dead once already, that was a few years ago. Given that, I consider every single day as a gift or, at least, I try not to forget that it's a gift even when said day doesn't feel that wonderful to live through ;)
• My never ending love (and respect) for writing and for reading books. Both helped made me who I am as a person and they still do, every single day. Those two skills are essentials, but reading probably is the most important of them.

What follows has not much to do with the original question, so feel free to ignore it or you can see it as a free bonus ;)

(old moron rant mode ON)

Books are an almost magical way (without any magic in them, it's pure brain power and smartness) to have a discussion through space and time with some of the brightest minds (and also quite a few of the dumbest ones, to be honest) humanity ever had. Books are also very patient teachers that will follow along at your pace, never rushing you, never holding you back. And then, some of those books may even become lifelong friends and companions that you will always be able to rely on, like a best friend.

That's one of the reasons I'm so sad to see more and more younger people that don't and probably won't ever read a book in their entire life. Like if it meant nothing, like if was just another way to waste one’s time, like doom scrolling, binge watching or... fapping. It is not. Alas, one cannot realize that unless one starts making a habit out of reading and one learns to properly read.

Because, like walking, singing, drawing, building rocket ships or riding a bike, reading is a skill that must be learned before one can hope to get good at it. It needs to be properly learned. And there is no shortcut to learning that: it's called education.

Teaching kids is something too many adults seem to have decided was not worth bothering with. When I first read this I could have cried if I was not already aware of the issue: The Elite College Students Who Can’t Read Books.

Those kids are not stupid, and certainly stupider than we were at their age, don’t get me wrong. But they’re also so screwed up it’s hard to describe. And it is us, parents and all adults alike, that screwed them up by failing at educating them.

It’s not just sad, it's a tragedy. For those kids. But they won't realize how deeply they have been screwed up by the failing educative system up until it's too late for them. The day they will begin their own adult life and they will be required to compete against other young people among them, against those who will have been properly educated not just to be able to read books (and properly use them). They won’t stand a chance, no matter how smart they are, because being able to properly use books is like the ultimate cheat code.

So, if you’re young and happen to read this rant by a random old dude you will never meet IRL (hi from France, where our once reputed educative is at least as badly wrecked as the the US system discussed in the linked article). If all you know about books is that they’re dust magnets that have no WiFi, no Likes and no moving images in them (you’re not wrong). If you have never seen any of the so-called ‘adults’ around you open a book and have a fucking great time while reading it. If all or any of that apply to you, it's not too late for you.

Go to your local library and get a card (it’s free, in most places). Once you get your card start bugging the shit out of your librarian by (gently) asking them for reading advice, making it clear you're a beginner (that's OK). Don’t be afraid to tell them you did not enjoy a book they suggested that's not belittling them and, if they’re not stupid, they will be able to use your feedback to narrow down their next suggestion to something that will suit you a little better.

You don't like/want to talk to librarians? Pick books yourself and test them (your school must have its own library). If you realize you don't like one book, just put t back and try with another one as there is no law anywhere on the planet that requires a reader to finish a book they started but they don't like. You can also start reading with friends, and discuss the book while you’re reading it, or after. Or both :)

One last advice that, I fear, will make most potential new readers run away from me and my stupid rant but that still needs to be told: don't be afraid to read... classics. There, I said it. Don't listen to the hype (or to the hate). You can be sure books that have withstands a few centuries of reader's attention, if not more than centuries, are still there for a very good reason. No matter what some trendy influencer or some angry crowd may say about it. Also, it's ok to start a classic and to not like it, that's fine. Try some other one ;)

(old moron rant mode OFF)

I am in my mid-50s and surprised by a few things. I'm not jaded, small things still delight me. I'm not nostalgic, find so much good new music every year, new authors and books, still figure out different ways to approach problems at my work - I thought I'd be more stuck or settled by now, and for sure thought I'd be bored and jaded.

And I am constantly surprised nothing really hurts yet, thought I'd be less together physically than I am. Sometimes surprised I can still cartwheel.

I am unhappily surprised to see society going backwards and hope I live long enough to see it turn back around and progress.

42, how quickly my taste in foods is changing. Things I never liked before are now delicious

I became a dad at 43, not what I expected, and it is softening me in ways I always hoped for, and never thought I'd see. My family's rage problem has to stop with me, he can't see it.

I used to believe in love. After getting my heart broken so many times, I've realized that men, gay or straight, aren't built for that, so I no longer expect anything other than a temporary connection that will lead to sex and then stop. So fuck it, I only want sex now. I've been alone, and I can stay alone.

It's probably not that I'm surprised by myself - because being me is my normal - but rather other people acting differently that surprises me, as it highlights the difference between us. The first thing that comes to mind is my seeming incapability to get angry at things or people. I just don't tend to feel much extreme emotion, and it's so odd seeing other people lashing out. Online it's different, as I just assume that those people are kids with undeveloped brains who write those angry comments on political threads especially, but I often see adults acting that way in real life too, and it just boggles my mind how someone can get to that age and still completely lack the ability to control their emotions.

I'm surprised at how much more methodic and organized I've become. Taking notes to get thoughts out of my head helps me reduce brain clutter.

Turning chores into pleasurable activities (podcasts while cleaning or cooking) also helped.

I've also grown more patient with other people's actions. People don't usually act with malice, more often it is just plain inability.

Also, very little fucks remain to be given.

That I like to dress like an old man now. I was always a jeans, T-shirt, sneakers kind of guy, but some time around my 40th birthday that changed.
Now I wear dress shoes, dress pants that sit on the waist, and button-down shirts tucked in.
It's cheaper because thrift stores and flea markets are full of those clothes, often never worn.
It's just as comfortable and feels much nicer on the skin because it's all natural materials.
The fashion around it changes more slowly.
It looks good, and people genuinely behave differently towards me.

I'm surprised I'm not homeless or dead yet. I ride that sanity line pretty hard and fall off occasionally, my very best is half-mad. That's at "only" 35 years old.

I thought about elaborating, but nobody welcomes such talk. Which funnily enough is also part of the madness because barely anybody out of billions relates with me and that's pretty isolating.

Every day I'm surprised at how fat I've become.

I’m surprised I’m still around