As standard in all American hotel rooms, there should be a bedside drawer, containing a Gideon's Bible and a selection of guns.

Simply fire one of the guns repeatedly out of the window, and the barrel should heat up - then dip the heated gun barrel into the cup of water, and the water should boil.

This is the American way.

if you want the full american experience, pay $10 + tip for a lukewarm (by the time you get it) cup of water and a lipton tea bag from room service.

Stay where you are and we’ll have someone there with chocolate digestives in a jiffy. The important thing is to not panic.

if I want tea I have to microwave it.

Wtf do I do?

Uh, microwave it?

My sister once tried to tell my aunt that there was 0 difference between tea which had been heated up in a microwave with the tea bag already in it versus tea that had been made to my aunt's specifications (boil the water, not in the microwave, and then put the tea in it and let it steep).

They had a vigorous disagreement about it, which ended with my sister making up two mugs of tea as a blind taste test and then presenting them to my aunt. My aunt instantly told her which one was the microwave tea and which was the proper tea. My sister admitted to the correction and from then on made the tea according to specifications.

You got a microwave in your room? Lucky, must be upscale.

They have a machine that does it for you, it's voice activated, but it's a bit naff. Take the phone on your desk, dial zero and instruct it to bring boiling water to your room for the purpose of brewing tea. Then, for a small charge it will arrive 10 - 45 minutes later.

There’s no Keurig in the room for hot water?

Pro tip. Microwave the water, THEN steep the tea.

microwave the water separately and pour it in.

Use the coffee maker to heat water?

Call up the office, ask them if they have a kettle for guests to use. Might get lucky.

Aight, a few suggestions so you can have something approaching a decent cup.

Assuming you're stuck with bags, which isn't the best tea, how you heat the water only matters a little and you can get a fairly similar state with a microwave.

Nuke the water twice. It's going to vary depending on the microwave, obviously, but this the low powered stuff in most hotel rooms, go with 1:30 twice. The water should be just under boiling after the second zap. Stir in between, then stir before dunking bags. This also assumes a "coffee mug" sized vessel, which is usually about 8oz (y'all brits still use those liquid measures? I'm not sure, but I can calculate the CCs if you don't have access to an app for that). If the cups are smaller, maybe do two one-minute zaps and check the temp.

Now, if you've got loose tea and your own steeper, it's about the same, but you can go a little hotter (more hot? My brain can't parse the right grammar) since the steeper will suck up some of the heat, and do so quickly.

Tbh though, the difference in nuked tea and more properly steeped is likely moot if you're using the bags the hotel provides. Most of those are utter crap even by US hot tea standards.

That's also assuming the front desk doesn't have kettles. They aren't usually in rooms, but some places do have them available on request, particularly in cities, and even moreso in cities they have a lot of European/British visitors.

You'll likely need to warm the cuppa

Microwave the water first and when it's boiling do the deed.

edit: I just want to mention to anyone reading this that you can superheat the water (it won't boil but it'll react violently when stirred) so be careful!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superheated_water?wprov=sfla1

Use the clothes iron.

Be very hesitant about microwaving water, it can become supercritical.

I think you answered your question, microwave it.

I usually carry my hiking backpack with me when I'm away from home so that has a little mess kit I can use, if I need to cook something I can place it on the hotel iron, comes in clutch at times.

Does it matter how the water's heated? I've used microwaves (with a Pyrex measuring cup) and a kettle, for both coffee and tea, and it's fine.

A comment in this thread mentions microwaving the water with the tea bag in it. Don't do that. Heat the water to boiling in glass, put tea bag in cup (or coffee in filter in pourover cone) and pour. Steep to taste.

A lot of hotel rooms have a coffee pot. Put water in it with no coffee to get hot water.

Can't you just smoke meth like everyone else?