OMG, yes! Pulling on those knobs, like it was a in elaborate pinball machine was awesome!
this post was submitted on 19 Nov 2025
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Sigh... Thanks for the shitty memory unlock.
First off my parents were extremely Mormon growing up and the religion bans tobacco use.
When I was about 5 ran up to one of these machines and started to play with it. I had a grand time for about 2 minutes until my mother spotted me. A quick smack to the side of the head to knock me down and around 20 spanks ended the fun. I then got a 30 minute screaming tirade about touching the evil devil machines on the drive home.
And my mother wonders why I haven't spoken to her in over a decade.
That's just mean.
I could see a "Don't touch that machine, it's filthy" (because it probably is covered in smoke and tobacco).
But it should have been clear a 5 year old wasn't trying to get cigarettes to smoke, and even if you wanted to take that time to go off on the evils of tobacco and smoking (which is fair enough, even without the religious connection) you don't need to pair it with physical abuse.
It's a bit worse than just mean. Mormon theology quietly embraces narcissistic behavior and violence.
In Mormonism having one cigarette or a cup of coffee = going to hell.
They also have a toxic belief of avoiding the "appearance of evil". Aka it also a major sin if you let people think you are okay with taking part in the activity.
For children under 8 years old, if the parents fail to correct their kids, the sins they do become the parents responsibility.
Beating your child is perfectly acceptable and an approved method of correction in Mormonism.
i remember "spare the rod" sunday at the mormon church where every speaker gave a talk on why it's okay to beat your kids. i never thought too much about it until now.
I hope the mental illness wasn't genetic.
JFC. That's brutal.
The only time I ever got in trouble playing with those things was when I was having so much fun, I didn't notice a line up of people started forming behind me. They were all looking around wondering who's fuckin' kid this was.. My mom got so embarrassed she dragged me away by my hair, and told me I wouldn't be allowed in the bowling alley anymore if I couldn't act normal.
actually perfectly fine, because cigarette machines are built to withstand the assault of a smoker without change.
Not even an 6yo can break that.
edit: damn. only thinking about cigarette machines just made me want to smoke. I stopped 10 years ago. I would strongly suggest you don't start that particular drug, pick something less addictive, like cocaine or something.
Quit 9 years ago I feel you man, and agree it is hell of a drug.
Or toxic AF relationships. Better for your health, flat out.
Also, good on you, internet stranger. Fuck yeah. 🤘🏼 I'm pushing a few years myself, and can't say the cravings ever completely stop popping up, but the smell makes my stomach turn at this point. I'm cool with that symptom.
If I remember correctly, some of them would give out books of matches for free if you pressed a button. They were an important resource for GenX children up to no good.
What do you call a car cigarette lighter?
A learning experience for a bored kid left in a car
I can hear the hiss of too-curious fingertip. 🤢
I can smell it XD
I was younger than ten when I realized that, if you can flick a bottle cap, you can flick a spinning ring of fiery fuckery... ^(by taking one match, bending it around to the strike strip and folding the lid open to pinch it between finger [some prefer middle, others ring] and thumb, then hold it above your shoulder next to your ear and flick with your elbow as reticle)
Don't do this in a restaurant. Please.
Also, if you can't yet do a bottle cap... Start there. FFS.
I'm intrigued by your comment, but I'm not following. What am I doing with the bottle cap?
Hold your hand like you were going to snap your fingers. Now, place a bottle cap on its side, facing your pinkie, with its bottom edge pinched between your finger and thumb. Sight down your forearm, and fire! Practice makes, well, mayhem?
When people ask how old I am, I’m just going to say that my childhood dentist had a cigarette machine in his waiting room.
Methuselah?
Feels like that, some days.
They were great! Bright lights! Lots of colors and drawings! Bonkers to pull! And if you won a prize, Mom and Dad would be happy and you get ice cream!
I really wanted to be able to pull out those knobs. No interest in the cigarettes but the machines looked so cool
My old man used to love a lunchtime pint or five on a Saturday.
I rather enjoyed getting to sit round the corner with a large coke and a bowl of chips, watching the Formula One qualifying, dicking about with the fag machine, and spinning the tracklisting boards of the jukebox.
dicking about with the fag machine
British or not, you did that on purpose.
I did not, but I did notice and I did chuckle enough not to bother changing it!
This reminded me that in the 90s, we had a local restaurant that wasn't a fast food joint that had a kids play place type room in it. Unfortunately that place later turned into a different restaurant, and later a dollar store. It was next door to a blockbuster. So, overall not the most lasting plaza...
Poor Blockbuster. We can still smell yeh. 🙌🏼
Hell yeah! So many sophisticated brands!
Kids in my day just smoked crack in the back alley.