A matter of seconds, but I attribute this to my time in the military. It is VERY hard for me to fall back to sleep once I've woken up because my brain is like "It's GO TIME!" instantaneously. I could wake up, walk straight out to my car, and drive it safely if I had to.
this post was submitted on 18 Nov 2025
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My dad was almost court marshelled over that. He was in Vietnam, active war time, his lieutenant thought it was a good idea to wake him by shaking him and yelling. His first reaction was to wake up swinging and punched his liutenent. They tried to charge him with hitting a superior officer but was let off as technically under military law you are not responsible for the first 5 seconds of being awake.
That's wild! I never heard of that law. I do remember in boot camp back in the '90s, they told us that people could get kicked out if they snored too much because it could potentially give away your position to the enemy. That being said, I knew plenty of soldiers who snored, and none of them ever got kicked out for it.
I will say he died in '99 and this occurred in the early seventies so I have no evidence. It was just what I was told and I know was definitely in the military in Vietnam so...
Oh, I still believe it, no worries. Sorry for your loss, no matter how long ago it was.
Funny story, there were problems with his paycheck in the military and would get checks of like 10 cents. His mother got diagnosed with leukemia and he made a deal to forgive all the unpaid wages to get out a year early to care for her. He got out, came home, found out his mother had his horse..."fixed". He didn't talk to her again for 10 years.
She ended up living longer than he did.
Whoa. Did they reconcile before he passed, though?
Yeah my mother forced him to contact her when she was pregnant with my sister. My mother felt my grandmother deserved to know she was going to be a grandmother.
It used to be instant. Now I draw it out when I can. It's a bit like meditating.
16 hours give or take.
depends on the cause of the wakeup. alarm? 10 minutes.
kid or dog or cat vomiting? about 12 attoseconds.
yuuuuuup
if I choose to actually get up when I wake up naturally at the right point in the sleep cycle but it's 17 minutes before I want to wake up, I'm sure awake in a second or two
if I choose to ignore that and go back to sleep for 23 minutes, then it takes a few minutes to fully wake up nowadays
if my dog is standing on my chest making a hoarking sound, I'm out of bed on my way out the bedroom door yelling at her to follow me before the other one even gets up
you clearly know my pain. then we get to play the game "no, just barf outside, it's fine to barf out here, look, I can tell you're gonna yark so just do it..." 40 minutes later as I'm trying to get the family out the door together, HURRK HURRRK HURRRRK HUUUUUURRRK
oh thankfully I don't have to wait for it to happen later, it's a struggle to make it outside — once they start, it's happening. I'm just happy if they puke on the hardwood and not on a rug. been thinking about trying to teach them to puke in the shower
friggin' bastards beg for dinner as early as possible but then puke in the morning if they haven't eaten in the past 14 hours
Our pointer ate so much problematic shit as a puppy (mice, etc) that we inadvertently trained him to go to the shower when he started hoarking in the middle of the night several times a week.
Unfortunately as an adult dog he eats actual shit from the yard and needs to be directed outside/to the shower when he gets the windup going which is worse in several ways.
But definitely train to throw up in the tub/shower if you can, especially at night in a northern climate it is great not having to chase them out of your room, down the stairs, out into the yard as they're doing their best dinosaur call
the worst mess I've ever had to clean up from a dog was when she puked up dog shit. and I've unfortunately cleaned up a lot of diarrhea and puke due to these sensitive assholes lol
that was disgusting. I'm usually fairly good at detaching from the grossness of the situation, but something about scooping puked up dog shit into a dust pan nearly made me vomit
the weird thing is our poop-eating dog isn't the one that's food motivated. she sometimes has to be coaxed to finish her meal before she lets the other dog in to check if there's any leftovers. it's not like she's hungry. she just sometimes sees poop in the yard and thinks 'yeah I should scarf that down before somebody notices'
they both eat rabbit poop and grass, at least rabbit poop isn't problematic I guess
I’m just happy if they puke on the hardwood and not on a rug. been thinking about trying to teach them to puke in the shower
I'm ashamed to admit I've dragged a dog bodily across the room to get them to puke on the tile or wood flooring. but I'd do it again.
one of my hounds likes to make pukey noises, then go outside AND EAT GRASS THAT MAKES HER VOMIT LIKE CLOCKWORK.
0.o
bro you are your own self fulfilling vomit prophecy. just don't eat the *@!)$%^*ing grass
"Tummy hurts, gonna hard reset the situation and see if it helps."
SLEEP INTERRUPTED UNEXPECTEDLY.
DUMP LOG?
Man wasn't there something .... Ah yeah forgot:
FLUSH LOG.
About 24 hours.
I usually don't even realise I've fallen asleep. It's just, one minute I'm lying down with my eyes closed, the next the quiet chimes of my alarm reach me and I've fast travelled nine or ten hours into the future, y'know? I get out of bed and carry on with whatever I was doing.
Lucky bastard
If it's wakeup alarm, it takes about 5-10 minutes for my higher cognitive functions to get back online. If someone tells me something during this time, I most likely wil not remember it at all. And it doesn't matter if I have slept 20 minutes or 10 hours, I'll still be as groggy.
If there's a loud sound in the middle of the night, it's almost instantaneous.
Instantly? I don't even feel groggy when I wake up. Don't drink caffeine either, well not after waking up. Sometimes if I have to stay up longer than I should.
When I wake up, I know who I am and where I and there's no disorientation; but I cannot get myself out of bed for half an hour. I feel like I've been given tranquilizer medication. Need to keep hitting snooze on the alarm. I resent this because I could have slept an extra half hour if I could only wake up and go.... But I must go through this snoozing drama every morning. No matter how much sleep I get, my brain cannot be functional enough to get out of bed for that first half hour. After that I'm good to go and firing on all thrusters.
This isn't something I think about/worked on, sorry. Not remotely consistent either with when I sleep, personal life and shift work.
Earplugs every time I sleep. Sleep mask when the sun will be out.
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Don’t drink caffeine either, well not after waking up.
Are you saying you sleepwalk, and drink coffee while sleeping? Because, that's kind of impressive.
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I have to sit there for a few minutes, actually been screamed at in my youth for it too. Weird times.
Pretty much instantly unless I wake up from a particularly vivid dream - then it might take a few seconds.
About 4 hours. Assuming I have some kind of caffeine. Otherwise it may take longer.
We have a hibernation mode?
How do I use this I never got the instruction manual
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It really depends on the quality and amount of sleep I’ve gotten. Lately it’s been pretty bad, so it takes me a bit to ‘wake up’ so to speak.
Depends on the task and time. Having to get up super early to get somewhere? No problem. Slept in? My brain might take a while to spin up.
30+ years and im still waiting for all systems to come online tbh. Any day now....
Mine seems to be tied to the time of day more than anything. Regards of how much sleep I get I can be groggy most of the day. For whatever reason my OS seems to power up a couple of hours after the sun goes down. All of the sudden things come into focus and I have the energy to get things done.
According to my parents I have always been this way, a natural born night person.
I’m able to get up quickly and stumble through my routine. I do the same thing every morning so I’m less likely to skip anything. I’m awake and fine after a few minutes and about 100% after a shower (twenty minutes or so). Sometimes in the shower I have to rethink my sleep because I’m likely to have super realistic dreams and I have to separate fiction and reality.
It varies like crazy for me.
I'm an insomniac, and some nights after being up for a while, I'll fall asleep again within an hour of the alarm. Those days, I struggle to focus enough to sit up, and force myself to move in a minute or two.
Other times my eyes will flick open and I'll be in full awake mode almost instantly. Some of that was trained behavious from when I was on-call.
I usually get "stuck" in whatever horrid nightmare I was having before waking up. For the first 5-10 minutes I'm not sure if I'm still in a dream or not, then I spend a while panicking about how I couldn't figure out reality and if anything is real.
Although things are usually a lot better when my son decides to sleep with us. He'll wake me up before the sun just yelling the most nonsensical stuff and it snaps me back to reality pretty quick.
My favorite from this week was "wake up daddy put your jeans on! (Throws my jeans at my face) We're late for work!" At 5:30am. I work from home an don't have a set time to clock in but oh boy I clocked in early that day.
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It varies. If you have this all the time, I'd suspect your sleep duration is not aligned with your sleep cycles. I'll be more confused if I had dreamy sleep, I'll be more confused if I wake from REM or deep, and I'll be very confused if I awake from a dreamy sleep during REM or deep. I don't think I forget I'm human, but it can take a second to adjust to not having a dream reality. I'm definitely, often enough, entirely confused as to where I am for a moment.
However, this effect is lessened when I awake from light sleep. It feels more natural. There's a lingering sleepy feeling, but it somehow feels like I'm well rested, even if it's a short sleep. Sleep cycles are typically 90 minutes (light-rem-deep-rem-light). 6 hours isn't great, but waking is acceptable. 7.5 is good enough for me. 9 is too much commitment to test.
Ironically, when I drink until bedtime, I can sometimes wake instantly if the timing is right. However, it's like a low power mode. I'm alert, but lazy. Like I just blinked away my entire sleep. Alcohol tends to prevent REM and disrupt deep sleep.
Within the first 30-45 mins of waking up. Getting up and starting my daily routine is a big part of feeling like I’m awake.
humans dont hibernate, we dont have the capacity like a alpine squirrel.
For those specific questions usually like 1 second.
I typically wake up naturally nd go to bed not too late. So I can say I go from waking up to being awake in less than a minute. This sometimes causes me to have insomnia if it happens at 4AM because I become incredibly awake.
For me, it's usually instantly. While I'm usually groggy for at least half an hour, for as long as I can remember, I've always been able to wake up and immediately start my daily tasks, play video games or have conversations with people. I'll even sometimes remember that there's something I need to do, like my laundry or that I forgot to take out the trash the night before.
In terms of cognizance, a few seconds.
More broadly, in terms of achieving activation energy for the day and so on:
- With wake up stims? ~15-30m.
- Without wake up stims? Anywhere from 30m-3h, depending on a lot of contextual variables.
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