this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2025
133 points (99.3% liked)

Food Crimes - Offenses against nutrition

3367 readers
4 users here now

Welcome to Food Crimes! This community is here to collect all and any post about cursed food and generally unusual consumables.

Right now, here’s the rules:

  1. Posts must include an image or video containing food or drink.
  2. It must be unusual or cursed in some way. a. For example, something like Doritos Milk would be unusual, but normal milk would not.
  3. No AI posts whatsoever, and any images that were altered (Ex: Photoshop, Gimp) need to be tagged.

How to tag: To tag your posts, please prepend or append the tag name inside square brackets. For example,[OC] Foo bar baz or foo bar baz [Meta] would be acceptable. Multiple tags will require separate pairs of brackets, like so: [Edited][OC] foo bar baz

Here are the current tags:

Finished checking out all the posts here? Also checkout !shittyfoodporn@lemmy.ca!

(BTW, I’m looking for someone to help mod here! I myself would not be enough if this community goes beyond a few posts a day.)

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

the "cheese" is freeze dried tofu, cashew butter, corn starch, nutritional yeast, soy milk, and vinegar

i live in nyc so i'm expecting the nypd to break down my door and arrest me for committing a hate crime against the entire Italian diaspora any minute now

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Faydaikin@beehaw.org 21 points 3 days ago (8 children)

I'm generally a lover of all food and a typical mistake I see is people trying make non-vegan dishes vegan.

There's just no substituting real cheese on a hot dish. It's just one of those things.

However there are plenty of great vegan and vegetarian dishes out there. And in my personal opinion, the simpler they are, the better they taste. No reason to bend over backwards to emulate cheese.

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 18 points 3 days ago (4 children)

my reason was i wanted pizza at 3am

[–] FatVegan@leminal.space 13 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You have to admire someone who wants pizza at 3am and actually does it from "scratch". I aspire to be like that. I just eat 45 olives.

[–] egrets@lemmy.world 4 points 3 days ago

I just eat 45 olives.

This is still making pizza from scratch, you just made some substitutions and cut some corners.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago

But psychoactive substances played no part in this decision, I'm sure.

Ah, the ambien munchies. Nearly burned down my apartment because I fell asleep for real once it was in the oven.

[–] Faydaikin@beehaw.org 2 points 3 days ago

I can respect that.

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] lvxferre@mander.xyz 18 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

I'm not vegan but do you mind a suggestion? Instead of trying to "hack" a substitute for the cheese, you could try a similar recipe that doesn't use it.

Like focaccia. A well made focaccia is amazing, and you can make it with vegan only toppings: dried tomatoes, mushrooms, sliced and smoked seitan, figs, onions, some rosemary, and coarse salt. And lots of good quality olive oil.

[–] FatVegan@leminal.space 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I was never a huge fan of cheese, and cheese substitutes or at least the ones that i tried are so much worse. Some of them taste well enough, but have a consistency that makes my skin crawl. So i just do no cheese and it's so much better imo.

[–] bluesheep@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 days ago

I'm not vegan but I was at a dinner party once and accidentally picked the vegan cheese platter instead of the normal one. It can't be that bad, I remember thinking.

It was. I don't mind vegan food, there's a lot I like, but I think they would've been better off making something different instead of trying to imitate cheese.

Dude I'm going to the Italian bakery tomorrow just for their foccacia

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 days ago

focaccia has been on my to-make list for a while

I'm also not vegan lol

[–] tty5@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It is a crime, but also a punishment.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 12 points 3 days ago (1 children)

We sentence you too eating that whole thing.

No cheating, no chewing

[–] bufalo1973@piefed.social 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

The important question: did it taste good?

[–] TomMasz@piefed.social 5 points 2 days ago

When your name is mentioned in Little Italy, everyone spits on the floor.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

You could have gotten actual vegan cheese instead of trying to make your own. I hear it's quite good, too.

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 7 points 3 days ago (2 children)

It is! But it was 3 am and the grocery stores are all closed

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Wait what? I thought New York is the city that never sleeps?

I'm not in new york

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 3 days ago

Ah, ok. That's understandable. 🤣

[–] petersr@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago

Was it good?

[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Godspeed and good luck. You'll need it!

Less silly, I've heard how hard it is to get vegan cheese into any sort of tasty category. Wonder what it is about dairy that's so difficult?

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 5 points 3 days ago

casein truly is a one of a kind protein

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 3 points 3 days ago

You can do pretty well by introducing lactobacillus to very thin silken tofu and then aging it like normal cheese, but that’s something that would really be better at a commercial scale and afaik, it’s not really on the market yet.

I live in Germany and they’ve absolutely nailed vegan cream cheese and have okay vegan shredded melting cheese, but I visited the us last year and the vegan cheese situation was dire. There might be gems out there that I missed, but everything was so expensive and tasted so hollow

[–] snooggums@piefed.world 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Keep in mind that there are thousands of cheeses, all with varying methods of being made so trying to emulate any specific kind is going to be extremely difficult.

Mozzarella, gouda, and queso for example are frequently melted but parmesan and blue cheese would make terrible substitutes for any of those three. Trying to replace any of those with some other substitute is like replacing zucchini with cucumber. Sure, they might look similar but the taste and texture are going to be off.

[–] RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

All I can think of now is being able to drinking blue cheese! Oooo

We once accidentally bought a bag of preshredded mozzarella alternative. Missed the part where it wasn't real cheese. When we made lasagna, it crisped instead of melted. Kind of like some French fried onions on top I guess. It was delicious, but it wasn't lasagna

[–] Lembot_0005@lemy.lol 4 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Well, you can poison yourself as much as you want. Sounds disgusting, but who knows... Was it good? Because if it was, then you have done everything right -- the only important characteristic of the pizza is if it tastes good to the owner.

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 days ago

it was edible

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 3 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Why go so heavy on the improvised vegan cheese the first time? Tomato and BBQ base layer, onions, pineapple, sweetcorn, mushroom, whatever you like really. Maybe a light sprinkling of vegan cheese at most.

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 days ago

the cheese was so bad i wanted to just use it up

[–] m3t00@midwest.social 1 points 2 days ago
[–] Jollyllama@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

🫵🫴🚪

[–] SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

But a cool knife you got there!

(Although I pinch my knife so it wouldn't work for me but its pretty cool nonetheless)

[–] janus2@lemmy.zip 3 points 3 days ago

it is a cool knife. it's my roomate's

[–] Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 3 points 3 days ago (3 children)

Illegal in the UK if its over 8", despite the fact that we use metric here the home office are still using inches for some reason. Annex A

Over 8" - check (Assumed) Sharp point - check Has a portion of plain cutting edge - check Serrations - no, but it has holes instead Does it have more than 1 hole - check. Knife qualifies as a zombie knife.

[–] SolSerkonos@piefed.social 1 points 2 days ago

Doesn't the UK use some bizarre amalgamation of metric, and imperial?

[–] idiomaddict@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

If that’s over eight inches, it’s a huge pizza to fit in a nyc oven

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 1 points 3 days ago

Instructions unclear.

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 1 points 3 days ago

pinch my knife

naughty

[–] Jojowski@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 days ago

I mix olive oil with nutritional yeast and add some onion and garlic powder + salt and white pepper. It's quite good! Adding vegan cooking cream will make the taste smoother. I also prefer to dribble the sauce here and there or use spoonfuls instead of spreading evenly. Definitely better than some of the cheese alternatives!

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 1 points 3 days ago

IT'S ALIIIVEEEE!

load more comments
view more: next ›