Futurama

"By the way, I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar"

I regularly say "Hooray, I'm helping!" to my wife.

Once again, the conservative, sandwich-heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor!

The female Leela's problem is purely medical. Soon she will drop her eggs and they will hatch and all will be well

Hermes: Come on, baby needs a new pair of shoes!

Dr. Zoidberg: The hell with your spoiled baby! I need those shoes.

Look at me, Dr Zoidberg, Home Owner!

"I don't like the looks of this doctor. I bet I've lost more patients than he's treated."

I fucking love Zoidberg, he just gets me, yknow?

I use, "Enough of this, I'm going for a scuttle" all the time.

"You ALL still have Zoidberg!"

woop woop woop woop!

General: What is your purpose here?

[Zoidberg wakes up.]

Zoidberg: [drowsy] Alright, Officer, I'll move along.

Man: What the general means is why did you come to Earth?

Zoidberg: Not a day goes by I don't ask myself the same question.

Truman: If you come in peace, surrender or be destroyed. If you're here to make war, we surrender.

Zoidberg: Both good. The important thing is I'm meeting new people.

Zoidberg: Hooray!

Zoidberg: Take, I've got four of them.

Zoidberg: The president is gagging on my gas bladder. What an honor!

Zoidberg: "I had garbage yesterday and it didn't cost me $300! I am not paying!"

But still, to have your own pool!

My first clue came at 4:15 when the clock stopped. The next clue came 3 hours later at 4:15 when I discovered the body of Amy’s dead deceased corpse

"Hooray, I'm useful! I'm having a wonderful time!"

I relate to this on a spiritual level.

Clamps - "Scuttle on home. This ain't none of your business, Slick."

Zoidberg - "My name isn't Slick. It's Zoidberg. JOHN [beep sound]-ING ZOIDBERG!"

The Silence of the Clamps

Scalpel. Blood bucket. Priest. Next patient!

"and I'm his friend, Jesus!"

Your music's bad and you should feel bad!

The husband and I quote "one art please" and "your [something] is bad and your should feel bad"

Deviled egg!?

“Is ‘desire to mate’ a feeling?”

“It’s all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the LIES UPON LIES!”

There little friend, good as new

Goose liver? Fish eggs? Feh! Where's the goose? Where's the fish?

“Friends! Help! A guinea pig tricked me!”

Don't mind if i already did!

Examples of Zoidberg's astonishingly poor grasp of human anatomy make up my favorite punchlines in the series. Of course Farnsworth would hire the worst (and possibly cheapest) candidate: a doctor that has no idea how his patients are put together.

Open your mouth. No, your other mouth.

JOHN

FUCKING

ZOIDBERG!

"Once again, the conservative, sandwich heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor!"

Someday they'll watch from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box.

A buffet! Oh, if only I had my wallet with me...

"I've lost more patients than he's treated!"

Laughing at Hemes when they get paired up on Omicron Persei 8... "Screwed again my friend"