this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2025
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Microblog Memes

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[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 71 points 2 months ago (3 children)

The mistake there is not recording a multi-layered clip of yourself responding in different voices. Time out a delay at the start so you can hit play, start walking, make the announcement and get the "reply" as you open the door.

It's the little details to sell the delusion that puts a spark of genuine fear into the drivers' eyes.

[–] Matty_r@programming.dev 19 points 2 months ago (2 children)

You could definitely automate this with voice commands in Home Assistant

[–] lemmyknow@lemmy.today 12 points 2 months ago

Playing "totally_real_friends4pizza_delivery.mp3":

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[–] LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone 13 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Ideally you wanna hire actors for that.

[–] Crazyslinkz@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This guy with hiring money...

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[–] rothaine@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 months ago

Kevin McCallister likes the way you think

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 65 points 2 months ago (4 children)

while living off post in hampton roads I visited a buddy's apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn't even knock just walked and said "Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?" and set out the pizzas and breadsticks on the table, grabbed a slice, then sat down on the couch while ben packed a bong hit for him.

I was like, whoa, uh... and ben was like: "Yeah, he's also my dealer."

[–] glorkon@lemmy.world 31 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (3 children)

I once played video games at a friend's place and we were smoking lots of weed. He had told me a friend was going to come over later. So later that day the door bell rings, I can see him opening the door from where I'm sitting. Female cop stands in front of door and I briefly panicked.

"Hi Julia, come in." (to me) "Let's order pizza."

I'll never forget this image of a German cop in uniform smoking a bong.

[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 2 months ago

I'm calling bullshit. No way a cop would do that in uniform. You're lying to deny us the pleasure of the full story where the uniform came off. We see through your german tricks.

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago
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[–] lemmyknow@lemmy.today 13 points 2 months ago

Pizza ~~delivery guy~~ dealer

[–] TheRealKuni@piefed.social 13 points 2 months ago

That’s a smart way to do weed delivery if you can get away with it and have orders packed before you leave the house.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I mean… pizza guy can have friends too, he's human!

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

valid. but I never expected a pizza guy to just walk into someone else's apartment and start laying out the food lol

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 4 points 2 months ago

Oh absolutely. Seems really chill tho

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 48 points 2 months ago (2 children)

To anyone who feels the need to justify their order to their delivery person: don't.

I guarantee that they'll think about you more if you pull shit like this.

Literally just give them the money, take the pizza, wish them a good night and close the fucking door.

I promise that they don't give any shits what you do with the pizza. Just tip appropriately for your region.

[–] LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Will a good tip by their silence?

[–] burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de 7 points 2 months ago

Depends entirely on its.... csi:m glasses on... delivery.

[–] honurash@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Not true. I had ordered from two different places to a hotel room and they arrived at the same time. They were definitely confused and gave me weird looks. Worth it.

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 months ago

In the scenario you describe, you are strange. So, I don't think that's unjustified.

It's ok though, we like strange around here.

[–] Noite_Etion@lemmy.world 32 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Whenever I delivered a pizza to an empty house or to someone who didn't order a pizza it was great, cause I got to have it. Was one of the few perks of that job.

[–] Rothe@piefed.social 22 points 2 months ago (3 children)

That is not what the OP is about though.

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[–] LadyButterfly@piefed.blahaj.zone 5 points 2 months ago (2 children)

How often did that happen?

[–] ook@discuss.tchncs.de 14 points 2 months ago

As many times as they fake called their pizza joint.

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[–] QuizzaciousOtter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 31 points 2 months ago (10 children)

Am I missing something? Empty house and pizza sounds like a perfect evening to me.

[–] pulsewidth@lemmy.world 5 points 2 months ago

I thought this was a meme about the lady shouting to an empty house so that the delivery guy will think she has company, in case he's a predator.

And the deliver guy knows exactly what's going on and thus is hurt that she finds him threatening.

.. Or I could be way off base because I didn't find my explanation funny, just like 'slice of life' kinda post.

There's probably a way more obvious explanation that I'm missing..

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[–] Okokimup@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago

Lady, I don't give a shit about your theatrics, I only judge if you're a lousy tipper.*

*in the US.

[–] ObviouslyNotBanana@piefed.world 15 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Here, it's the norm to eat an entire pizza by yourself. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[–] Coskii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 months ago

Just one pizza? I assumed the op had ordered multiple.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 13 points 2 months ago (2 children)

1 pizza alone is only a little sad.

20 pizzas while alone is when you've really hit rock bottom.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It's called meal prepping!

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

It's fine if you buy them as frozen pizzas. Then it's just grocery shopping.

[–] Gloomy@mander.xyz 13 points 2 months ago

What exactly is sad about ordering a pizza whilst being alone? Never struck me as something unusual.

I see the 20 pizza part.

[–] lolrightythen@lemmy.world 13 points 2 months ago

I just woke up and am slow and bleary-eyed.

I could have sworn the second sentence said a bear ran down with the delivery man's face - because he knew.

And I was a tad shocked.

[–] MrSmith@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Is it because she's scared of the delivey guy or because she's embarrassed to eat the pizza alone?

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 17 points 2 months ago (3 children)
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[–] Hadriscus@jlai.lu 8 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

-cheesy crust on the third ? -oh, that is a resounding yes

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

My boy Andy over here is saying you have something called chicken poppers?

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[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 8 points 2 months ago (2 children)

whilst living in the woods I visited my moon friend's apartment and he ordered pizza. The pizza guy didn't even knock just climbed the tree, vaulted through the window hole and said "Hi Ben, what are you playing tonight?" and set out pizzas and grenades on the table, pulled a pin, and then sat down with us under the leaf blanket while ben cleaned his rifle and sucked him off.

I was like, woah, uh... and ben was like: "Yeah, he's also my dad"

I'm suspicious of this... but I'm not sure why.

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When my wife and kids are way i love nothing more than ordering a pizza and eating it all gradually throughout the night

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I read this in a really dark way

[–] TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

The family is all dead and a single parent, who still believes they are with them, orders pizza for their now long dead family. Delivery driver shows up to a house that hasn't seen life in ages and immediately realizes the situation.

[–] 0_o7@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Then the delivery driver is pulled inside with an invisible force. The parent enjoys the pizza, while the rest of the house enjoys the delivery guy.

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