this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Canipel@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 2 days ago

lol??? imagine being like this, i suppose everyone needs a hobby

[–] frezik@lemmy.blahaj.zone 107 points 3 days ago (2 children)

This is what happens when old men don't take up model railroading.

[–] prime_number_314159@lemmy.world 38 points 3 days ago (1 children)

They take up mental railroading instead?

They take up narrative railroading.

[–] astutemural@midwest.social 17 points 3 days ago

Or wargaming, which is a type of model railroading.

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 240 points 3 days ago (11 children)

My favorite conspiracy is that no one killed JFK. His head just did that.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 96 points 3 days ago (4 children)

Are we sure it wasn't a pre-existing condition?

[–] lepinkainen@lemmy.world 64 points 3 days ago (1 children)

An insurance doctor would say that unironically

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 21 points 3 days ago (1 children)

The issue is that he didn't get that pre approved (we could have got it in network if he did)

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 11 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Cue Sarah McLachlan music.

For the price of a cup of coffee per day, you could help prevent Spontaneous Presidential Cranial Disassembly.

SPCD affects many of us.

Cut to Mary Todd Lincoln

“Worst play ever. Also my husband was killed. ”

—-

Seriously though, JFK tried to do some good things. I’d be curious to hear the tankie response. Probably something about the Cuban missile crisis.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 2 days ago

Are you sure he was not a macho womanizing stud, who conquered the moon?

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[–] ch00f@lemmy.world 63 points 3 days ago (2 children)

So in Seattle last week there was a man who accidentally shot himself in the leg while driving his car. He called 911 because he obviously needed help, but tried to tell cops that he was shot by a stranger while driving. They asked why there were no entry holes in his car, and I think he went to jail for being a dumbass.

Anyway, how do we know JFK didn't accidentally shoot himself and then try to cover it up because he was so embarrassed.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 46 points 3 days ago (2 children)

My theory is that one of his security details turned around to ask him a question and accidentally shot him in the face like Marvin in pulp fiction

There is actually a theory that he was shot by accident by a secret service agent trying to return fire.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 10 points 3 days ago (1 children)

lol this is the best theory I’ve ever heard. Except they would have shot him like three times by accident. Then they go to Nixon’s house where he is complaining about his wife’s coffee.

I would pay to see that movie.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago

Did you notice a sign in front of my house that said dead president storage?

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[–] AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space 27 points 3 days ago

Of course, the idea that the President’s head can just explode for no reason in view of the public, and by implication, so can anyone else’s at any time, is far more existentially terrifying than any assassination plot, so, to avert mass panic and social collapse, the FBI hurriedly framed some local weirdo, and then killed him before anyone could flag that he probably had nothing to do with it, which is the only reason why everyone’s life savings still had any value afterwards.

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 30 points 3 days ago (2 children)

I took physics in high school, so I'm basically a qualified expert. I can confirm that quantum mechanics tell us that this is possible. Exceedingly unlikely, but possible.

[–] Jankatarch@lemmy.world 14 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

The satistical chances of every single atom in your body just randomly dispersing and you vanishing is not 0. Just a very, very small percentage.

The statistical chances of only a spot on your body doing that is near infinitely more likely than the first scenario tho.

The statistical chance using our current models and understanding.

We have never observed such a large amount of atoms dispersing through quantum effects simultaneously. There may be some process we are unaware of preventing this.

Which is to say, there is a non-zero chance the chance of this scenario is exactly zero.

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[–] rmuk@feddit.uk 11 points 3 days ago

This is why it's important to listen to the eyewitnesses. Their perspective might not be perfect, but it's authentic.

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[–] InvalidName2@lemmy.zip 66 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Welcome to mental illness. Many people are perfectly functional, yet still deeply sick.

I had an uncle like this. He definitely held it together okay-ish (though that's up for debate) for most of his life. But the conspiracy bullshit was a consist sign that he was not well.

And then when his wife passed, he also lost his ability to be functional, so the sickness took over entirely, eventually even took over his body. Nobody could help, not even his children.

[–] ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.world 21 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I had an uncle just like this. He spent all his time listening to conservative AM radio, which he proudly called "hate radio". He died of who knows what alone in his trailer in Florida and wasn't discovered for two months because nobody gave a shit about him. My other uncle tried to rehab the trailer (which would have maybe been worth five grand) but gave up because the smell was too horrifying. My dad inherited a small bag of his belongings and the stench on those things was unimaginable.

[–] InvalidName2@lemmy.zip 11 points 3 days ago

Oh, that's awful.

My uncle also had very few allies left in this world, he was just the embodiment of an asshole to pretty much everyone. My dad and aunt were the only people that would even bother to try to communicate with him. Fortunate in some way, they'd talked on the phone the day before my uncle passed, and he agreed to let my dad stop by to drop off some food the next day. Meaning, he'd been dead less than 24 hours before my dad found his body. Otherwise, it very well could have been weeks or longer.

But the house? Total loss. My uncle had become a trash hoarder. Fueled by depression, but also by his beliefs that the government was tracking him (and would go through his trash if he were to set it outside). My dad and my cousin tried to locate some family memorabilia like photos and things, but they gave up. The house was literally bulldozed and the remnants hauled away, it was in such bad shape inside and out.

[–] WanderWisley@lemmy.world 34 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I know a coworker who is an anti-vaxxer and won’t scan a QR code because they think it will steal their identity, but they happily use Facebook, TikTok, and Ozempic.

[–] M0oP0o@mander.xyz 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ozempic is such a wild thing. Who knows how it will effect people in 20 years (it is not approved for weight loss after all).

I keep getting brain candy vibes from its increasing use. (Good movie FYI)

[–] WanderWisley@lemmy.world 3 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Yes definitely it’s gonna be interesting to watch what happens to these people in the future. Maybe they will be fine, maybe there internal organs will melt, maybe it will trigger the omega virus. Who’s knows?…

[–] M0oP0o@mander.xyz 3 points 2 days ago

I hope they become locked in reliveing eating their best meal of their life.

[–] nebulaone@lemmy.world 80 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

Early signs of dementia or paranoid schizophrenia, maybe.

[–] TimewornTraveler@lemmy.dbzer0.com 23 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (4 children)

cant dx schizophrenia without more info. all we can identify is a few reported symptoms from a third party. the secret messages are called Loose Associations and that with the persistence of belief in the face of evidence to the contrary indicates a delusional belief, but those can occur in several psychotic disorders. for schizophrenia we'd at least need to confirm two out of three of bizarre motor activity, disorganized speech, and preferably some negative (withdrawing) symptoms like flat affect, avolition, etc

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[–] bathing_in_bismuth@sh.itjust.works 20 points 3 days ago (1 children)

That means anon is genetically more likely to develop either/both too.

If any of you all have a family member suffering from those you should avoid triggers that can cause onset on an early age like smoking weed, especially under 25 years old.

[–] nebulaone@lemmy.world 7 points 3 days ago

Yup. I doubt OOP is going to read this, but it's still very important advice. 👍

[–] TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 52 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)
[–] TimewornTraveler@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

not necessarily schizophrenia, but likely another psychotic disorder. possibly delusional disorder if no other symptoms are met. schizophrenia has several criteria that must be met beyond delusions

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[–] frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world 20 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

it's weird but back when that huge Earthquake in Syria happened there were a lotta people with no relation to Syria at all adamant that it was a hoax because of stupid things like not seeing the ground shake (in an era where image stabilisation technology is the norm lol) I can't even begin to understand conspiracy theorists but people like Anon's granddad are pretty common

[–] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Why would you expect to see the ground shake? You'd expect to see everything ELSE to shake, since cameras are usually attached to the ground.

Scrub inland dwellers don't know what going through earthquakes is like, signed coastal faultline chads

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 32 points 3 days ago

I read all the replies and then completely forgot this was about Rwanda.

Now I feel bad. I think I even had to write a paper about this in the 90s.

[–] SmoothLiquidation@lemmy.world 20 points 3 days ago

I guess everyone needs a hobby.

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 12 points 3 days ago (4 children)

(Psst. This is a metaphor.)

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[–] kameecoding@lemmy.world 5 points 3 days ago
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