Unfortunately, porn is getting banned, so little Ben will not have his happy ending.
this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2025
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He could just watch Baywatch or something and his mind would have been blown.
What do you mean? The slaver owners, who genocided the local population to steal their land and didn't consider women or children people wouldn't be happy with Trump's America? Trump's America is their dream, and it won't change until you stop mythologizing genocidal slave owners.
I feel like that's incredibly reductive and it just kind of bothers me every time I see it. The Constitution was almost not ratified because there was a contingent of founders that opposed slavery. What's important about that is that it completely destroys the moral relativism argument for the rest of them. Founders that supported slavery knew it was wrong and did it anyway cause they were greedy.
Well, except for Jefferson. His reasons are more rooted in being an incredibly lazy psychopathic rapist who had created a slavery powered life of luxury for himself. But that's going off on a completely different tangent.
Owning slaves is owning slaves. Genociding the natives is genociding the natives.
If you say you're against slavery, but own slaves, you're not actually against slavery, you're against the bad rep.
"C'mon, Franklin, we're going to New Brunswick."
"What for?"
"For the whoring and the drinking, of course!"
Franklin pops right up, eager to go
George Washington would be like: "Why this portrait of a slave in the white house?" (referring to Obama) 💀
There were free black people in Washington's day. But yes, the first several presidents were all slave owners.
The idea that he might use slave as a slur while understanding he was a free black man isn't that crazy though.
Listen. Alexander Hamilton died in 1804 and the current year is 2025. If I died today and found out that in the year 2246 that the laws, mannerisms, dress, economics, attitudes, and technology had changed so little that I "recognised" it, I wouldn't be proud, I would be concerned. My mind would be going "what the fuck why hasn't anything changed". I would expect things to be different, if I noticed that nothing or little had changed technologically, socially, economically or politically, I would suspect there had been a collapse akin to the Bronze Age Collapse that society was only just recovering from.
My Grandmother was born in 1920. She was born two years after women got the vote, Modern Art was in it's heyday, Cinema was still silent, the quickest way you could sent a message to anyone was via Morse Code, and there were people around who were born in the 1830s. She used to have to take a fucking candle up to bed with her like in those Bugs Bunny Cartoons. She lived to see gay marriage in the UK, The Lord of the Rings Trillogy, Video calls, and the Moon Landing.
I expect to see commercial Fusion Power and a moon base by my 90s. If I was told that little changed between now and 2246, my first question would be a terrified "why"?
I'd be concerned that I was brought back to life.
"Welcome back! ReLife Corporation has spared you from the afterlife! Your reconstruction fee is a mere 450,000,000 credits. Please proceed to the Debt Servicers department and then the career fair down the hall!"
Can't wait to see the "pro choice" and "pro life" debates about forcibly resurrecting people.
Immediately murders the closest person to see what happens
Strength/athletics check.
Success: you kill the person. The coordinator presses a button and a smart restraining net robot launches from the ceiling and pins you down. "Congratulations! You've been identified as a prime candidate for a military career. You're going to need that pay boost, because unfortunately we'll have to charge part of that technician's reconstruction fee to your tab." You feel a needle pierce your neck and your vision goes dark.
Failure: The technician manages to pin you down until a smart restraining net is deployed to hold you. "Congratulations! You've been identified as a prime candidate for a law enforcement career. We like that kind of fighting spirit for keeping criminals off our streets." You feel a needle pierce your neck and your vision goes dark.
I cast Ketemine Ape.
I love how you make it sound like the moon landing happened after LOTR.
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Terrible choice of founding fathers to use for that example. Benjamin Franklin was kinky as fuck.
He would be browsing xHamster going, “Seen it.. seen it… seen it… done that… done that, too… seen it… cliche…”
no he's the perfect choice because he's a horny bastard and having porn at his fingertips would drive him absolutely apeshit
Something tells me he’d be more interested in the farting and scat porn..
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Take another look at that jak friend. That's not the look of shock, it's awe.
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"Damn, they're making new kinds of chicks" -- Ben Franklin when he sees trans porn
"You guys cured smallpox, and there's people who are working against the cure?" - Also Ben Franklin, who lost one of his sons to smallpox
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George Washington: "They kept on with political parties, didn't they? Told 'em."
Thomas Jefferson: "The Tree of Liberty hasn't been refreshed, I see."
Our founding fathers fought back against their government. At the very least they would wonder why people aren't gathering in mobs outside the homes and offices of legislators demanding change.
why people aren't gathering in mobs
Well, it happened about a hundred years after your time, but there's this thing called the Gatling gun that got invented that really became a hard counter to angry mobs trying to storm things, and once that stopped being an option they just kinda stopped listening to us
Before that they had archers and keep walls. And after that there have been many successful protests and revolutions which created freer democracies (with varying degrees of success).
Fair enough, but, like, 100 archers against 1000 people ends poorly for the archers if the people are willing to take some casualties, and a keep wall is only good so long as nobody inside decides to unlock a door or people outside can't get a ladder set up somewhere for a few minutes
Yes, there have been successful revolutions since the 1850s, but they're definitely a lot harder than they used to be, and I think they now really do require some sort of defection from the ruling classes or military over to the opposition in a way that you didn't really need for, say, the French revolution, where an angry mob of peasant women could just force their way into the kings castle and tell him how things were gonna be going forward
I'm not saying it's impossible, and I'm definitely not saying people should give up protesting all the bullshit going on right now, but I do think meta social contract between the rulers and the ruled has changed a lot since the 18th century because of technological progress
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Six years passed between the Boston Massacre and the Declaration of Independence. Six years. And Boston was not the first issue, just the worst. They were working on the opposition movement for a long time.
If anything, the idea that protests in Chicago and DC could appear within two days of the federal LA invasion would be astounding to them. Some guy on a horse would still be riding through the Rocky Mountains to bring the news.
The only issue is, the news has gone from:
hear ye, hear ye, the king said this 3 months ago!
And everyone physically gathering in squares and pubs for weeks to say "hey what the fuck?"
To:
did you hear what said 5 seconds ago?
And someone else says:
yeah but said that was fake.
And everyone else clicking like, subscribe, and next!
Yep. I'm directly descended from Rev. D. Rice. The guy owned about ⅔ of The Virginia Colony, because he's a direct descendent of House Rice, and House Wellington. He saw which way the wind was blowing in 1765 and started selling off his land. He donated the raiesd 1,500,000 pounds sterling to his good friends Tom, Jim, and Ben. Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and Benjamin Franklin. The joke in my family is that we paid to found the US Army and US Navy.
My cousin still has his diary, which is how we know this even happened, well that and a map of his land.
That's some incredible history. I hope your family has (carefully) taken scans and such!
That was an incredibly prescient move by the Reverend. And also an insane amount of money!? That's somewhere around a quarter of a billion pounds today?
He had, quite frankly, an insane amount of land. Yes, my late great Aunt Binny (Virginia) was a professor of history at the University of Louisville, and had scans done by her department before she died. The scans were done in 2002.
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I think they would be horrified, but that's because of the maga. And because black people would not take their shit.
Ben Franklin would try modern clothes, start sleeping with trans women, then get addicted to the internet. He would be indistinguishable from someone from the 21st century within a year tops
Let's be honest here if anybody from the 1700s slept with a trans woman it was definitely Ben Franklin. Man was a professional horn dog.
He'd be exhausted searching for all the local milfs in his area.
George Washington could finally get some implants or dentures and stop stealing the teeth from slaves.
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I feel like they'd recognize it better now since it's the current administration's prime directive to reverse all progress that's been made since the founding fathers were around.
They wouldn't even remotely be surprised. They knew this type of shit was inevitable, and that any generation under any system would have to face the ever-present threat of tyrants.
Every constitution, then, and every law, naturally expires at the end of 19 years. If it be enforced longer, it is an act of force and not of right.
-Thomas Jefferson
The alternate domination of one faction over another, sharpened by the spirit of revenge natural to party dissention, which in different ages & countries has perpetrated the most horrid enormities, is itself a frightful despotism.
-George Washington
[The Constitution founded a] Republic, if you can keep it.
Benjamin Franklin
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"Look what they've made of our dream. This bloated, rotting carcass of an empire is driven not by reason and hope but by fear, hate and ignorance."
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