Stop Drinking

Relying on willpower is a dangerous game. It gets used up in thousands of little ways every day and, as you recognise, one day you'll get to the point where increased temptation meets used-up willpower and disaster ensues.

You're building a new sober life, and you wouldn't build something without scaffolding, you need sober scaffolding. There's some resources in the pinned posts here, check those out and see if any of them grab you.

In my first year, I was very occasionally conflicted, but because I'd told everyone I was off the booze, I felt I couldn't then start drinking without having loads of difficult conversations. I'm British, dammit, I'd rather saw my own leg off in public than have a difficult conversation.

Going into social situations, I made very sure there were non-alcoholic drinks I liked on the menu (and yes, I once vetoed a venue for a work thing because "the non-alcoholic drinks are shit, I'm not drinking water while everyone else is on the wine,"), and if it was a party at a friend's, I'd offer to bring stuff I knew I liked. There's nothing worse than being faced with a row of booze and a jug of tap water.

I don't miss it. I have very occasionally thought "what this day needs is a nice cool glass of rosé," and then I stop and think "OK, right, what brought that on?" and usually it's because "this is the first nice day we've had in about a million years," and habit and association are incredibly strong drivers of habit and behaviour.

Its already a big win that you were able to get yourself out of this Situation. Focus on the good things you did to protect yourself. This is hard and its going to be hard again and again. Dont put yourself down for your thoughts. Keep an eye out for the small steps towards your goals.

There are lots nice people here. Try out different tips and find people who understand you. Sharing and community can be a really strong "skill".

There's a lot of good advice in here already. I'm just here to say that, for me, even at my lowest now, I'm way better off than when I was drinking. Drinking never, and I mean Never, made anything better. It just took me 30+ years to realize it. And I've lost touch with some people over it. I'm just not interested in watching other people drink. And that's OK, our whole life is growing and/or changing and not everyone grows in the same direction.

It's super cool that you are thinking and talking about this before something terrible happens.

There are medications like naltrexone that can help. But sometimes just connecting with other people will get you to your goal

Try this book. It's called Living Sober. Yes, it's AA approved, but it isn't the AA Big Book and it doesn't say that AA is the only way to get sober. It's a collection of simple ideas and strategies for avoiding the first drink. Personally, I would rather not drink at all then try to control it. When I controlled it I didn't enjoy it, and when I enjoyed it I didn't want to control it.

https://www.8n8aa.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/Living-Sober.pdf

Some of us settle on the conclusion that we can’t drink, period. “One is too many and 100 is not enough” sort of thing.

It usually requires some horrible life events (loss of [select all that apply] job, money, family, freedom) but some people just get tired of dealing with it and give it up for good.

I’d recommend thinking about alcoholism as a kind of disease that runs in families. Once we’re used to pounding drinks and go through all the things like hiding it, a beer or two before work, etc. there’s a kind of critical mass we reach where we just can’t drink at all anymore.

There’s a two-letter group with a bunch of meetings all the time. If you find one you like, that alone can sometimes do it. But if you’re just biding time until you can drink again, nothing much will really help. For what it’s worth, a lot of us have tried pretty much everything. Good luck to ya!

Two strategies I employ that work for me:

• Each morning I commit to myself that I will not drink today. Committing for a month or a year or the rest of my life is a really big commitment. But committing for a day is doable. Using this strategy, I've chained together over 1000 sober days in a row and that number just snuck up on me because I simply track today.
• When I feel the urge to drink I "play the tape forward". There's a lot you can read on this subject, but for me it reminds me of why I chose to stop in the first place. That drinking doesn't solve any of my problems and if anything, it makes them more difficult for me to deal with.

IWNDWYT

There are so many different places to start when it comes to addressing issues with drinking or any other addictive behavior. Acknowledging where you truly are at with it is a huge step in the right direction. Some things I've found that make it more likely someone will stay the course with sobriety or harm reduction are:

Having a support network who offers outside reinforcement of your goals. If you spend enough time hanging around the barbershop, you'll eventually get a haircut. This goes both ways; sticking around people and places that support you will reinforcement positive behaviors and mindsets on a social as well as personal level. I found a lot of good people in recovery settings, but I also found a lot of good support in the hobbies I pursue.

Build the life you aren't willing to give up. A lot of decisions that led me or people I worked with to drink boiled down to not having an alternative to look forward to. Enjoy your job/career, get excited about being around the people you've chosen to be in your life, have plans/goals/dreams that you're working at, and most importantly like who you are. That last one can be tough, but getting to know and accept yourself makes choosing your alternative to drinking much easier to do.

Grow. As a person, as a part of a social group, spiritually, mentally, physically, etc. Find things to learn about, work through recovery material, go to therapy, make friends, work out, the list is endless. I found a lot of people in early recovery truly had no idea who they even were or what their favorite color even was. The people who made big turnarounds and stuck with it are the ones who never stopped wanting to grow. No matter where you are at in life, there is always something to grow in.

Most importantly, baby steps forward are still steps forward. You don't end up climbing a mountain in one gigantic leap, and you don't change over night. Small changes done consistently over time can yield nearly exponential results. Don't give up if things go badly, the most human thing to do is to mess up. Everyone does, everyone will. The most important thing is what you do afterward, continue forward or not.

I don't know you, but I believe in you. Just know that there are people who care that you do well and accept you even if you don't.

It's tough

The reality is that we can come up with endless reasons not to drink, but we won't stop unless we want to

I try to drink less, rather than stop it, because the brutal truth is that I fucking love it

I adore the taste of wine, the ritual of removing the basket and opening a bottle of bubbly, the satisfaction of a hoppy, effervescent beer, the variety and flavour of it all

Being an addict means that you will forever crave it. That isn't going to go away. It'll come and go, often at times that you would expect, sometimes from nowhere

"Success" isn't not wanting to drink. It's not giving in when you do

I've done extended periods of sobriety to prove to myself that I still can

I don't sleep better, I don't function any better at work or at home, I don't notice any difference in my body, all I do is enjoy life a little bit (a lot) less

All I can do is to wish you luck

Something that helped me was reading extensively about the horrific effects of alcohol on the body. Even a small amount over time causes measurable damage to the nerves and organs. I also watched some difficult videos of end stage alcoholics, took in their suffering and tried to truly imagine what it would be like if I was in their place. When I got the impulse to drink I would think about the screaming, convulsing, delirious people that I saw and I would feel repulsed and afraid of that future. It helped as well that I had the personal motivation of not wanting to become like my father. I had a couple bad incidents where I lashed out at people I love because the drink fucked with my head. I didn't want that to escalate. My father's health has also suffered horribly from his drinking including a week in a medically induced coma and almost dying from pneumonia caused by aspirated booze vomit.

Well for background I've been sober for around 20 years. Back then I took a look at my life and simply did not like what I saw. Maybe I started to love myself back then....

In hindsight I started drinking at an age where I started to address childhood trauma and it was a mechanism to numb the pain. But I kept drinking because it actually helped tamp down on the symptoms of my very strange food allergy.

What I did not know back then there are different parts of your body that can be the reason for allergic reactions - and there are 'lesser' allergies that are believed to be cured by not eating the food for a year. And these lesser allergies are sometimes/often not tested by doctors (talking about IgE/gg).

After finally finding out, the thirst went away. Completely. I'm not saying your thirst is like mine, but if you are still searching maybe this is a direction you haven't thought of.

You are wonderful for choosing to journey through life sober and with eyes wide open. I admire you.

hey rq, lots of great answers already valuable input team. I can really relate to everything you described, that was me and my relationship with alcohol. people don't want to hear this, but I worked the 12 steps, and they heckin work. a very thorough step 4, fearless and searching and a humble step 7, asking for the mental obsession to be taken away from me. I got my lightning bolt moment and I haven't thought about a drink in 100+ days except when something horrible happens. it'll always call my name, whisper sweet nothings in my ear, tell me I'm not an alcoholic, but I'm just a little smarter than the disease now, I can work around that lil voice cause it just spits out dumb ideas. I drank for pstd nightmares and fast forward to sleep, only until I went through every single resentment, harm caused, fears, sex conduct etc could I see the big picture cause it was all there on paper, red hot could land me in gaol, but thats what I was running from. I didn't understand the term dry drunk until recently. msg me any time to swap numbers.